by emilyblue 83 Replies latest social relationships
This will be the end of our relationship, I know. He will never be able to forgive me,
If he cannot forgive you it should be the end of the relationship, this is small compared to marriage and what one might have to keep their mouth shut and forgive.
abr
emilyblue, just to clarify one thing. You did a bad thing when it comes to JWism, not real life. There are worse things that could happen. If you already know your realtionship is unstable, then get out while you can (I realize when you love someone, its easier said then done). Honestly, the major reason why he is unstable is probably because of being a Jehovahs Witness.
Hang in there!
Come to the forum for support!
Nikki
Emily,
Yes, I think you should tell him. He needs to know that he might be facing serious consequences for lying to his committee, his actions with you, etc.
You need to keep in mind, however, that YOU have done nothing wrong. YOU merely told the truth about your relationship. HE is the one who has been lying and hiding.
If he gets upset with you (and it's likely that he will), you need to keep in mind that this is an indication of how he will continue to blame YOU for things that go wrong that are not your fault. Alarm bells are going off all over the place that this guy is not a good person to be in a relationship with. You need to stop feeling sorry for him and think about how HIS OWN actions are responsible for his situation. Why are you so nervous about having done this? Why are you saying *you* 'did a bad thing'? How is ANY of this your fault? He's the one who's supposed to follow the organization's rules. If you feel upset and guilty and afraid, to me this indicates that neither this relationship nor this religion is a healthy thing for you.
Saying it's everybody else's fault (his ex wives, people at his old halls) is a very bad sign. If you knew a 4 year old who got upset and said that everything bad that happened to him was everyone else's fault, and never his own, you'd recognize this. Somehow, when a *grown man* does the same thing, women find it harder to see.
You also need to have a hard conversation with the woman you're studying with. Ask her why it's any of her business what goes on in your relationship (it's not). Ask her why she wants details that are none of her concern. Ask her if she reported him, then make her justify it. Ask her why any person should allow a relgious organization so much control over their lives (they shouldn't). It seems like you already are sensing this if you're not attending meetings - why are you afraid to admit this to him??
Edited to emphasize: You are afraid of upsetting this boyfriend and you're afraid of confronting the woman you're studying with and asking her about what she plans to do with the information you've told her. Why should you be afraid? You should NOT! You should not be afraid of upsetting a man who is trustworthy enough to be your future husband! You should not be afraid of talking to anyone about anything in a religion that's worthy of your trust!
You'd be much better off if you left both the boyfriend and the JWs. Trust me on this.
I'd say you're screwed, but if he's going to leave you because you didn't lie and were honest (which is more then he can say) then I'd bet you're better off without him. Do you really want to be ex-wife #3 anyway?
Leave it up to a JW to make a comment like "Ex-wife #2 will be free to remarry anyway."
Kwin
I think you should not worry about it. You stated he already spoke to his elders about having a sexual relationship with someone. He already confessed his sins and they reproved him for it he says.
Anyway, your sin will not affect your standing as a Bible Study. Im sure your Bible Study teacher appreciated your honest heart.
If you want to continue with your studies and become a witness you should not be having sexual intimacy with this man even though you love him.
Anewme
"I don't know how to fix this..."
I'm not sure why you would want to! Imagine what the rest of your life will be like, if you get mired in this JW mess. Run, don't walk, to the nearest exit!
Sweetie, RUN very fast away from this man and the JW org!!!! If not you will be living the rest of your life feeling just as you do now!!
nj
If not you will be living the rest of your life feeling just as you do now!!
Gawd what a horrible thought, huh? Ex has hit the nail on the head!
I know that I can't continue to live like this. There have been so many problems in our relationship, religious and otherwise. But I never wanted it to end like this, with him facing possible disfellowship and hating me for it. He has no one else to talk to in any kind of meaningful way. I just feel really bad about opening my mouth.
I just called her and asked her if she was going to report him. She said that if she had seen this unclean conduct with her own eyes, yes she would have to report him. She said that since I confided it to her without her witnessing it herself, she only would talk to his elders and say he might have committed some unclean conduct, but she wouldn't get into specifics with them. I asked her point blank if that's what she did, but she evaded the question somehow. I asked her why he did not want me to go to the same hall as him, and she said because he is sneaking because he knows it's wrong for him to date someone is not a Witness. I couldn't get a straight answer out of her, but she said she would talk more with me about it at our next bible study and wanted to set up a time for it. I guess I'll just tell him what I told her and face the music. I guess I'll get to see his true colors. Maybe he will react better than how I think he will. Thank you all again for your replies.
