I think I did a really bad thing. (page 8)

emilyblue

Oh Lord. It will never end unless I just come out and say something mean and nasty to him. He came over last night and cried because he was worried he was a bad person. He had called his ex-wife earlier that evening and told her she was free to remarry since he had sex with someone else. She told him she didn't care, because she would never remarry, seeing as how she had already been married to two bums already. She told him he had been emotionally abusive during their marriage and had made her feel like she was a bad mother to her kids (his stepchildren.) Anyway, some of the remarks most have hit home because he was feeling immense guilt. It was short-lived though, because soon he started blaming her for CAUSING him to feel that way about her. He said she wasn't a good mother because sometimes on weekends she didn't feed her kids lunch until 2 or 3:00 in the afternoon and she sent them to school with holes in their pants and broken zippers on their jackets. He asked me if I thought he was abusive to me, and I said he could be very domineering and inconsistent in his thoughts and sometimes steamrolled me when our opinions differed. I also told him that he threatened our entire relationship any time we had the smallest of disagreements. If we disagreed over which tv show to watch, he would tell me that maybe we are just incompatible. The evening ended with him asking me to become a Witness and then he could marry me. This is the same man who told me he could never trust me again only just the day before. I turned in my letter of resignation at my job today, effective at the end of this school year. I'm moving back home to be near family. If I were to stay here, I would get sucked into this cycle all over again, I know.

asleif_dufansdottir

You don't have to be "mean and nasty"...just firm.

You're a teacher - do you let your students walk all over you, or do you say "no" and mean it?

Tell him it's over and you're never speaking to him again. You don't have to get upset or be mean. Just tell him and mean it. Then don't answer your door or your phone when he comes over or calls. And if he flips out and makes a scene, call the cops. You don't have to deal with him any more after you tell him it's over. You have no obligation to speak to him after that, or explain anything, or make hiim feel better.

It will be easier on Him if you do it this way, too.

Mystla

Oh man, he pisses me off! He is a Blamer! Everything is someone elses fault! His life is a mess because you won't become a witness so he can marry you.. do you see how he has twisted his mess into being your fault? You should never have to change who you are to make someone else happy!! If somone can't appreciate you exactly as you are... you don't need them!

I'm sorry you are giving up your job to escape this person. You sound like a really nice woman, who has been treated like crap.

I can relate to your feelings about your dog, too. My dog died 4 years ago and it is still hard to think about. She was only 5 and my last words to her as the vet took her away for emergency surgery were "It'll be ok" I still feel like I lied to her. Ok, now I'm in tears, I really shouldn't talk about Hannah unless I'm ready for a good bawl.

Don't let the bastard get you down, and keep posting so we can get to know you better!

Misty

J-ex-W

I turned in my letter of resignation at my job today, effective at the end of this school year. I'm moving back home to be near family. If I were to stay here, I would get sucked into this cycle all over again, I know.

OH, emilyblue!! I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!!!!!! Such a hard and courageous decision...!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is one hard decision you will look back on with NO regrets......... I'm so happy for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!

J-ex-W

Feel free to write anytime.........

J-ex-W

You don't have to be "mean and nasty"...just firm.
You're a teacher - do you let your students walk all over you, or do you say "no" and mean it?
Tell him it's over and you're never speaking to him again. You don't have to get upset or be mean. Just tell him and mean it. Then don't answer your door or your phone when he comes over or calls. And if he flips out and makes a scene, call the cops. You don't have to deal with him any more after you tell him it's over. You have no obligation to speak to him after that, or explain anything, or make hiim feel better.
It will be easier on Him if you do it this way, too.

Important words to remember.

Because recognizing and getting away from the problems of this man is a good--a WONDERFUL!!!--step on your own behalf....and recognizing and staying away from the similar problems of another man will be crucial in helping you to maintain your footing. You're on your way, Woman! You're on your way..... SOOO much more of a good life to see ahead of you!!

LovesDubs

Your relationship is built on lies and conditional love. If he cannot accept you for the person you are but must first MOLD you into a JW to assuage his guilt for getting involved with a wordly person, his demands on you will NOT stop when you get baptized a JW. That will only be the beginning. I dont know what you know about this religion honey but GET OUT while you can!

It will RUIN YOUR LIFE AND THE LIVES OF ANY CHILDREN YOU HAVE!

Upsetting his widdle feewings is the least of your problems with this guy.

Gerard

Oh Lord. It will never end unless I just come out and say something mean and nasty to him.

This is about YOUR safety now.

Say thay YOU decided to brake up and stop all contact. Just say it.

Have you talked to some friend nearby about this? Additional support can become a protection.

Please, don't let him decide your actions nor drag you along his confused road. Even from the outside, this guy is bad news. And no. Love won't change him.

All the best,

G

forsharry

Listen to your head. We as women get so wrapped up in the emotions of the moment that we can't see through it to the facts. I know...easier said than done...and we all want people to love us and no one wants to hurt anyone willfully...but you've gotta think of it this way. You marry him...you're having problems...are you going to go to your best friend (who's also gonna be a witness btw...you should be aware of that by now). You tell her your heart's tale (just like what you did with your bible study conductor.) Do you think you're going to get the hug and tears and hang in there girl! or you're right, he's a bastard! or any of that? You might to your face, but she's obligated to go to the elders and tell them whatever you said if it's off color. Say what?! That's the simple reality of this religion.

You are being emotionally extorted by this man, and if you continue you will allow this religion to do the same. Your BF is a grown man, and if he's SO into this religion, then he should have bluddy well known better than to do what he did with you. This is in NO WAY your fault...this is his. What goes around comes around.

On the flip side, I am sorry that you're having to go through this...but I would rather read this type of thread than the ones of the men and women who stay in for years/decades/etc. in misery and then leave as a broken vessel having to be reglued back together. Chin up girl! This is not the end of the world. :)

KW13

Honestly, walk away and find someone who loves you for WHAT and WHO you are.

JW's with Non-JW mates want to ultimately make them JW's, you wanting to be one just to be with him makes it easier. Its a brainwashing, mind-destroying cult.

I was taught that in this world, there is someone for everyone. Move on and be happy, don't let this religion control and manipulate you. Trust me, as someone said it can and will screw up your life but also any kids you have. My mum was a JW - i ended up with severe depression after leaving as a teenager. I'm just about over it now.

drew sagan

Honestly, walk away and find someone who loves you for WHAT and WHO you are.

Quite true.

The other thing you could tell him is that you have no interest in Jehovah's Witnesses and would never consider for a minute being one. Say you think the religion a big made up pile of junk.

Even better, just tell him you have been talking to 'apostates' (ex-members). He'll never speak to you again.

I think I did a really bad thing.

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