Age is an attitude of mind
Age is the matter of the mind if you dont mind it dont matter
Broken Heart
by jillbedford 68 Replies latest jw experiences
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Junction-Guy
Jill, Im so sorry you are going through this. As someone who has had tons of marital/sexual problems, Im not one to give advice, however Im good at looking deeper into things and finding some answers that might be overlooked by someone else. I would love to talk with you. Leave me a PM, and we can get in touch, or send me an email.
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truthsearcher
Jill: I'm sorry to hear about what you have been going through! My heart was also broken by a teen aged daughter who made some bad choices and left home too soon. I know the pain that you are feeling and the questions that you are asking--what could I have done differently?
And yet, the strain that we had been living under became apparent as it lifted somewhat once she had made the move. That's not to say that there weren't many troubled moments to follow, but in time, she did realize her mistakes, and it was a very sweet day for us both when she said, "Mom, you were right, I should never have left the way I did, I am sorry, will you forgive me?" The tears of joy that were shed that day made up for the nights of crying when she first left.
I don't know if you have a personal faith anymore, but for me, I cried out to the Lord for strength to get through those days, and I thank Him for sustaining and answering the prayers of a broken mother's heart.
Now, as far as the marriage goes, sexual intimacy is a reflection of the health of the relationship--a thermometer, so to speak. It is an important way to express love and unity to each other. Please seek help with this matter!
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Abandoned
((((((((((jellbedford))))))))))
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Balsam
Jillbedford,
This blow on top of your husband rejecting you as an attractive woman is a lot to deal with at one time. I understand how it probably makes you feel like a failure, but honey your daughter and husband are the ones have have problems.
6 years I ago I left my then JW husband who have made it clear to me he found be repulsive in all ways for years. He hated I had gained weight having my boys and I had never lost it. He had let our middle son die without blood transfusions when he was in an auto accident. My oldest and youngest son then 13 & 18 just suffered like I did. We all left the JW's after that. My youngest son continue living with his Dad for about 1 1/2 years because I left it up to him as to which parent he wanted to live with. He eventually came to despise his dad and moved out to live with his brother till he graduated high school. They all lived within blocks of each other. Their Dad rejected them both because they turned against the religion and got disfellowshipped. Even to day my boys have no use for their Dad but they had to find out on their own. They had to learn on their own how their Dad really was without me to intervene.
I begged my youngest son to come live with me and my new husband when I remarried 2 years later. But he did not want to leave his home town and refused though by them his relationship with his Dad and the religion was gone. Those 5 years were extremely tough on him and in the end it brought some serious reflection on his part about his life. I supported him while he lived with his brother, his Dad didn't. After my son got older graduated high school he moved in with us finally admitting he was stupid not to come sooner. He loves his Step-Dad and he know now it was nothing but pure stubbornness that held him back from accepting our help. He also did not want to live by our rules. Now he has not problem with it and we helped him purchase a car and he has a job with Walmart that covers his expenses. He makes all his own car payments and insurance. Growing up changes their perspective of life. Just love her and let her know your there for her but you will be moving on with your life without her. Maker her understand she is responsible for her own behavior and you won't be there to protect her now. Make sure her Dad is legally responsible for her, so the school won't be pestering you with her truancy.
Honey if your husband is criticizing you and making you feel unattractive that is verbal abuse. Your better than that and a man who loves you won't make you feel like you are unattractive. Sex isn't everything but at 40 there is no reason for it be dying out. Medical reason can lower a man's desires and abilities but if he is blaming it on you honey you need to get him out of your life. The marriage is over and perhaps you are still just trying to hang on to it. The best thing I did was to get away from my children's father who made me feel ugly. I was married to him for 30 years. I am very happily married to a wonderful and caring man now.
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helncon
((((Jill))))
My heart goes out to you. What a delemia you have.
I wish i could say something to make it all better but my children are young and this is the kind of thing i dreed when they are older.
I wholly agree with richie.
Helen
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JWdaughter
Hello Jill-I think the expression is "Been there, done that, got the Tshirt".
This too shall pass. My mom said I didn't turn into a human until about 25. I have a 19 year old. My mom says she is enjoying watching me go through it:)She is a JW, but plenty of our issues were age related as much as JW related. We got over it.
Your daughter is confused and is the center of the universe. Her needs are paramount-not only to you (mom) but mostly to her! There is nothing that you can do or say that she will not roll her eyes at and sigh deeply over.
My dear sis in law and her husband have had a horribly difficult time with their 20 yo daughter. Daughter moved out a couple of times.(tought times started when nearly 16) Recently moved back, told her folks she planned on getting it together, then made firm plans to continue her education, wrote up a plan for financial and practical information for doing so, including clearing up her credit, paying off bills owed to family and restitution for some of her burnt bridges, particularly rebuilding relationships with siblings who are very confused. They required a very thoughtful 'report' before they would agree to assist with college, and she at that point was more than ready to do that and more. The last couple years have been learning years, and will probably do her as much good long term as the education that she (only)postphoned. Her 'humility' came at a high cost as she was brutally assaulted and has PTSD from a knife wound that nearly killed her when she was robbed outside of her apartment. It made her re-think. She would have at some point anyway, and told me that she was leaning in that direction anyway. The assault probably set her back as she retreated from everyone when it happened. It is funny, she was afraid to tell ANYONE in the family-only because she didn't want her mom to find out and have a heart attack worrying(she loved her all along-see??) . . .Teenagers grow out of it. Thanks be to something!
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LittleToe
A child wakes up on its 16th birthday and suddenly realises that its parents are idiots.
It wakes up on its 21st and finds itself surprised how much they have learnt in the last five years.
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rosalyn
It's a new day here in Ontario, Canada and I am refreshed from sleep.
You are hurting and you are mad at your daughter but remember you are the grown up. At the same time attempt to remember what it like was being 17. Probably your circumstance were quite different but you still had the same feelings, insecurities and such.
Sounds like you have really tried to provide the material items. A car at age 16.I didn't get my Datsun until I started to pioneer at age 18That's a joke.
She trashed her bathroom and her bedroom? That's quite extreme and I can see why you had to redecorate. Change the locks on the house? Did you feel you were in danger? Figuratively speaking, you already know not to ever lock the doors on her. Don't ever ever close the door on your kids. Yes tough love is a good thing but for heaven's sake make damn sure you are there for her. Because honey, if that girl needs someone it's now. Her Dad may let her down bigtime. He already has. These jerks that don't pay their support are another story.
The current husband.....what are his attitudes towards your parental duties? If he is enamoured with the other runners the way you think he might be..... well let him run with them.
Several times here it's been mentioned that therapy is in order. Yup! very good thing.
I have three young adults(age 22 up to 28)My husband and I are damn lucky to have these cherished human beings in our lives. We(the grown ups)caused them grief through their teenage years. That's a whole other story but I can't urge you enough to put your daughter 1st while putting yourself 1st at the same time....Tricky:very tricky.
best of luck. Hope that you and your daughter come out the other side of this without too many scars. If it means putting her above husband number two do it. If he loves you he will help you, not hinder you.
rosalyn
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jillbedford
It is a new day and I feel better now with all of your good advise.
The pity party is over now. I have spent all Saturday feeling sorry for myself. There has been a dunkin donut and pizza. I have a marathon to run this next Sunday so I have got to pull it together. My training diet does not include donuts or pizza. (I have a time goal of 2 hours 59 min 59 seconds. My training has been on target to reach this goal.)
Now the cleaning will begin. This should take all day and prevent pity.
Does ibruprofen help a broken heart? Just asking.
To answer the question about changing the locks, I did not want my daughter coming in the house while I was not home. Her Dad has a nice habit of coming in with her, with me not home and going through the frig and checking out my belongings. In the past, he has even run loads of his wash. But the locks were not changed because I was afraid of her. They were changed because enough is enough.