Broken Heart

by jillbedford 68 Replies latest jw experiences

  • jillbedford
    jillbedford

    My almost 17 year old daughter left to stay with her Dad last Thursday. This is the second time she has left due to my strict rules, like 10p school day curfue, get to school on time, keep your grades above a C. She has not kept to my rules, so as a consequence I told her this last Wednesday night she has lost driving priviledges of the car I gave her on her 16th birthday. She said she was leaving to live with her Dad. I held the door shut and told her she was not allowed to live with her Dad. I am the sole custodial parent. He has NEVER paid child support or paid any interest in her. His weekend visits have not been taken advantage of. Once every 3 or 4 months he allows her to drive to his house and visit for a couple of hours.

    Ex-husband was a witness since birth same as me. I hear he is an atheist now.

    In the morning on Thursday she was gone with most of her things. The next day almost everything was gone. The weekend passes, no calls from her. On Monday I packed up what was left in her room, putting anything of value in storage. I re-decorated the room. It is a room of peace and solitude now. She calls on Tuesday and says she wants her old broken dresser. I tell her I threw it out because it was broken. She asks about her posters. I tell her these are gone to. I mention a few things that are saved for her in storage. Ten minutes later the ex-husband calls saying he needs her social security card and birth certificate as well as her w-2. He demands to know when this will be delivered. I bit my tongue. But when exactly will the $15,000 in back child support be paid. (I still have not mailed these items.) She also has this car. As the custodial parent, I can not allow no insurance to be paid on it. At the moment it is on my our insurance policy. I spoke to my attourney. He suggests I sign the car over to the ex so he will have to provide insurance for it. In regard to the W-2, he can forget that, she was with me all of 2006 so I am claiming her as a dependant. I know how he thinks.

    I have since received another letter from my daughter's high school in regard to her truency issues. Juvenille court is mentioned.

    I have always been told your teenagers bring problems. But right now my heart is broken like it has never been before. No man can break your heart like your own child can.

    I contemplate what I have done wrong to find myself in this place. Should I have stayed a witness and with my first husband, making my daughter adhere to the witnesses rules for conduct? Because with the choices I have made I find I am with the second husband, who I have not had sex with since we married in 2001. My daughter has gone to her Dad's house. She has been disrepectful of me most of her life.

    Since this is the second time she has left home, I have changed the locks and emptied her room. She is not coming home easily. My head says she does not need to come home at all. My heart misses her terribly.

    I find myself in tears or close to tears almost every day. I am thinking I need to get medication or something. I find myself in prayer all the time.

    You kind folks have always been a huge comfort, so any words of wisdom will help.

    I hope you have a peaceful and focused day.

  • bluebell
    bluebell

    (((jill)))

    So sorry to hear what you've been going through. Can't offer much advice, I don't have kids, just wanted to offer hugs.

  • tetrapod.sapien
    tetrapod.sapien

    (((((((jill)))))))

    so sorry to hear about the sad and troubling times over on your end. stay strong.

    tetra

  • mouthy
    mouthy

    I am exremly sorry to hear this. Yes kids can break our heart. But one thing you said really worries me
    who I have not had sex with since we married in 2001. This sound very disfuntional.... It is not normal to live in a home of LOVE??? & not have sex!!!! Maybe your daughter recognises this. I dont want to be nosy but I do think you need to speak to a Dr.... Kids pick up on abnormolies .. Leave her at her Dads until you can get your life with your husband sorted out.
    Just my two cents worth..

  • Crumpet
    Crumpet

    I had to leave my mother when I was 16, but I did return for a short while when I was 17/18 and we had a bond and a friendship as adults then which I still treasure to this day. I hope your daughter matures and learns to appreciate you and she may understand why you imposed certain restrictions - albeit too late. I wouldnt give up hope. All children leave eventually. It must be heartbreaking, but its not permanent in terms of ending your relationship - I'd bet on it!

  • jillbedford
    jillbedford

    Thanks,

    Husband problems are a whole other post on some other day. for some reason her does not find her attractive in "that way". I am in shape. I run competitively, winning my age division. I am almost 40, so many he does not like that. He is almost 40 too though.

    But men can be replace, children can not.

  • prophecor
    prophecor

    Solace, peace and comfort for your world is the only thing that's important right now, for you. If it comes at the expense of your child who has little to no understanding about adult life issues, then that's an expense that you'll need to contemplate as to its value. Teen agers are often terrorist in heart and mind, especially if thier world is mixed with complicated family issues that go on in many of the lives of thier parents. I was one, and I've had the experience of seeing how far a teen can take you through a dark situation, having had my hand in the lives of my step-children and my wife. In time, hopefully, however, they may begin to see the light once you resolve in yourself to be certain that you don't soften and placate to thier wishes, whims or desires. You have to stand, and stand firm. No yielding allowed. She's not going to win your respect otherwise.

    As to your issues with your husband, that's probably a topic for an entirely different thread, however....peace is to be attained, at whatever price. Peace is, unfortunately, very expensive. It often comes at the cost of sacrificing our best intent, wishes and want for our loved ones to be put to the side in order to acquire and stablise and maintain our own sanity. How much peace do you want, and what are you willing to suffer through, temporairilly, to maintain it? It hurts like Hell right now, I would imagine, but its only for a while.

    Strength and Honor

  • jgnat
    jgnat

    This is a very typical scenario with teenagers of divorced parents. In a fit of pique, the teen leaves the responsible parent for the other. She is trying to make you feel bad. You've found out the hard way that you can't keep her from staying with her dad, at her age.

    But I have good news, your investment of love and care is still in there. That she is finding reasons to contact you (dresser, posters) is strong evidence that she cares very much for you and what you think of her. The second bit of good news is that the irresponsible parent will show his true colors in time. He will get tired of caring for her, and will likely kick her out or leave her on your doorstep. At that point she will feel incredibly stupid, vulnerable, and wounded. Are you ready to help dust her off when that happens?

    This will be a good lesson in independence for both you and her. You can't force her to make wise decisions. She has to live with the consequences of those decisions.

  • DJK
    DJK

    Your daughter will learn lesson's the hard way. She's 17 and by the time you can get any legal results, she may be 18. My children left home at the same time over ten years ago and they made out just fine. We have better relationships now.

    As for your ex, you will be entitled to the back child support for only a short time, my advice is to stop being foolish and easy on him and go after it.

    Your present marriage, it doesn't sound good.

  • Honesty
    Honesty

    ((((((((Jill))))))))

    She may find out that life under Tommy's roof isn't all she thought it would be. Keep the doors open. Unconditional love is hard but it may be what turns her around.

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