"I can't find my car..."

by teejay 26 Replies latest jw friends

teejay

One of my closest friends in all the world is someone I'll call M. M is in her mid-thirties and was raised a JW from infancy but is one no longer. Her parents are still very JW... her dad is a very high profile, respected elder in a large American city. They are both cool people... I've sat and had long talks with both of them about subjects having nothing to do with 'the truth.' Both have college degrees with a wide range of ideas and well-developed senses of humor. They are really, really cool people.
Since fading from the org, they have given M a considerable amount of grief to the point that she has questioned the love they once felt for her. Last weekend, she sent me this:
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Friday afternoon marked the end of an extremely volatile week for me.
I have to admit I was caving in. I was caving in so much that when I went
to sleep Friday night I had a dream that I parked my car somewhere and
couldn't remember where I parked it. In my dream I got tired of walking
around trying to find the car so I asked a friend of mine to let me borrow
her car so I could drive around to find mine. I woke up before I found the
car...
Long story short, when I opened my eyes, I wanted my Mommy and my Daddy.
That's all. Nothing more. Nothing less. I wanted to crawl up in my
Daddy's lap and cry like a baby then I wanted my Mommy to come in and give
me a warm glass of milk and read me a bed time story until I fell asleep.
So I got up, put (my son and his pet iguana) in the car and drove to Tulsa, OK.
When I got home, I got hugs bigger than the universe.
Of course ...Daddy's lap was out of the question...so I sat next to him. Of
course...warm milk was out of the question...so I had tequila instead.
Daddy talked me through what was troubling me. Then my Mommy ran my bath
water. I took my bath, put on my pajamas and went to bed. I slept like a
baby. The next morning we got up. Daddy sat on one couch. Mommy sat on
the other, I laid my head in her lap and (my son) laid his head in mine.
And y'all know what?
I found my car.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
This was one of the most beautiful things I have every read. I asked her if I could pass this along, and she said I could, no problem. Knowing what she's been through with her folks over her inactivity with the religion, being able to go back home like that was an amazing gift they gave her.
I called her as soon as I could and we talked for two hours. One of the things she said was that neither parent said one word, not one syllable, about "coming back to Jehovah" or any of that bullshit. She was just their daughter... they loved her as much as ever... and she was welcome to come home.
Beyond the religious aspect, lots of us would like to be able to do what she did, to recapture distant and fading memories from out childhood. As a forty-something year-old man, I wish I had one single memory like the one she shared with me... sitting in my father's house, being a little boy all over again... if only for a weekend.
As it is, what she wrote meant the world to me. I will remember it always, if only as a dream.
Peace
Vienna

That was beatiful--it brought tears to my eyes. It made me think of my Dad who is still a JW, but he tells me that he loves me regardless of the religious differences. We've had hard times with it (still do now and then), but I'm happy he still loves me despite. I lost my mom over the JW blood issue when I was 3, but I'm glad I still have him. I'm glad your friend has such a wonderful relationship with her parents. That's a bright spot in the many sad JWs stories/relationships. Thanks for sharing.
Vienna
teejay

Vienna,
She said that when she called her father last Saturday morning, all she said to him was that she'd had a nightmare in which she couldn't find her car. You'd think he'd say something like, "stop being silly," that it was only just a dream. All he said was, "Come on." Somehow, he KNEW.
Her folks, normally never missing from field service, didn't go out that morning but made hasty plans for her visit instead. After the drive home, she was to go, not to the house but to a park where the family always met. When she pulled up, everyone was there, she said ... her knucklehead ministerial servant brother, her non-JW grandma, everyone. They were having a cookout just for her.
They nearly snatched her out of the car, hugs all around. No one said so, but it seemed that everyone sensed she was in some kind of trouble, and they rallied around her. They circled the wagons and welcomed her right into the middle where she'd be safe and protected.
It was a while, she said, before she even spoke to her dad -- he was manning the grill, doing the man thing -- but when she finally made her way over there, he was cool. Like no time has gone since they were last together. And, like I said, no word about religion, 'truth,' Jehovah... nothing. Just good, warm company. Later in the evening, just he and her talked, and he talked to her as only her father could. He made it all better, and right there on the back porch, sipping tequila that he'd pored for her into a jelly jar, she found her car.
Something very special -- cosmic, really -- happened for my friend that day, and she knows it. I get choked up every time I think about it.
FreeFallin

My eyes are so filled with tears, I can hardly see to type. That was one of the most moving stories I've ever read. How often I wish I could curl up in my mother or fathers's arms, But they're both gone now. I still dream that I'm in their farmhouse, and when I wake up, it's to a feling of emptyness.
How I wish I could change the last year of my father's life. If only I could have crawled into his sick bed and told him how much I truly,tryly loved him...In stead we spent his last days of him critizing my religion (he was catholic) and me trying to feebly defend "the truth." How much I wish I had gone to his 75th Birthday party,attended by over 100 people, but his only daughter wasn't there.
I felt it was "wrong." Right now I can't stop sobbing.
normie67

all I can say is WOW.....very touching.........
n67
Tatiana

As I sit here with tears rolling down my cheeks, I feel joy for "M", who is so fortunate to have parents like this. I wish they were mine. I think about my mother, who hasn't seen me or my children in over seven years. And doesn't want to. I think about my father, who my mother left when I was three, because he was Catholic and wanted to give me Christmas gifts. We are not close. I think about my step-father, who left my mother when I was sixteen, because he got tired of trying to be forced to be a witness, when he didn't believe in it. We are closer than my real father and I, but not like I need to be.
I think of my only brother, who is very cold and distant. Even though we live in the same city, I haven't seen him in two years. He has no earthly idea how to be close to anyone.
And finally, I think of my only sister. Who suffered so much abuse as a child, she finally ended it all four years ago. She was thirty-eight.
I ache for the chance to lay my head in my mother's lap. To have her love me without conditions. I ache for my sister's hug. I ache for my brother. Who stiffens at any type of physical contact. I ache for my father, who doesn't know me or understand that I needed him so much all those years.
I am alone.
I have no car to find.....
April
"Love never dies." Voivodul Vlad Draculea (from Bram Stoker's Dracula-1992)
teejay

FreeFallin,
That was one of the most moving stories I've ever read. How often I wish I could curl up in my mother or father's arms, But they're both gone now.
I feel the exact same way. What M wrote reached somewhere real deep inside of me.
You know, lots of people want to go home every now and then, with all that means, but how many can? I mean, even if we still have family, with the rampant dysfunction that plagues so many families (and I'm not even talking about the JW/ex-JW split that many of us face), being with family isn't what it's cracked up to be.
But to be able to call your pops first thing on a Saturday morning, needing help or just some fatherly advice, and for him to say, "come on", and then to be able to get just... what... you... need? DAYUMM. What in this life can be better than that? I can't think of what that might be.
How I wish I could change the last year of my father's life... told him how much I truly, truly loved him... How much I wish I had gone to his 75th Birthday party, attended by over 100 people, but his only daughter wasn't there.
You've hit on one of the true evils of the organization -- the meaningless but very real ruptures it creates between people who should just love each other. 'nuff said.
Take care,
tj
closer2fine

wow *speechless*
closer
Mean People Produce
Little Mean People
teejay

April,
I feel joy for "M", who is so fortunate to have parents like this. I wish they were mine. I think about my mother ... my father ... my step-father ... my only brother ... And finally... my only sister. I ache for the chance to lay my head in my mother's lap. To have her love me without conditions. I ache for my sister's hug... for my brother... for my father...
I can truly relate. That's what made M's note so very special to me personally. I don't know what she thought when she sent it, if she thought I'd go, "oh, that was nice" and then move on to the next message in my in box, but, well... I had news for her. Sorry. She was going to have to deal with me one on one.
I said that she sent it to me last weekend. Actually, she sent it Monday. I thought about it so much all day Tuesday that I had a hard time doing my job. When I got home, I sat in my garage and thought about it some more for a long time. I finally called her to make her aware of how tremendous that experience was, and that she should never ever take it for granted.
She was way ahead of me (not a rare occurrence). We connected (as we always do) and it was clear that she understood the import of what happened. It was an awesome weekend, and its beauty is not diminished one bit in the retelling.
I didn't mean to cause sad feelings to surface in anyone, but I was very moved by what she said. Even though I will never have that kind of weekend with my folks (my dad died 20 years ago - we were never close; Mama is a hard-core JW...), I liked the idea of it and maybe will see the chance to put its lessons to work one day. Till then, I will enjoy the dream of what it must be like...
Take care,
tj
Tatiana

I didn't mean to cause sad feelings to surface in anyone, but I was very moved by what she said.
Teejay, don't apologize for bringing up sad feelings. Even though I cried for all the time and love lost in my life, the example is so meaningful. And the lesson so profound. My children will ALWAYS have a lap to lie in. And NEVER have to lose their car. I have stopped the cycle started by my mother. I will feel the dream through my children. I know you will too one day.
April
"Love never dies." Voivodul Vlad Draculea (from Bram Stoker's Dracula-1992)

"I can't find my car..."

Share this