Clearly, judging by the results, something didn't work..............
Bizzybee - why do you say something didn't work? Is it on the basis that I am no longer with Mr C? That seems a terribly negative point of view. From my point of view it worked beyond my wildest dreams. When we started dating I explained that I didnt believe in mongamy and that I didnt date the same person longer than 3 years as I felt that for me was long enough to concentrate on one person and that we both deserved to explore the many wonderful human beings on this planet. And also I just felt that friendship would continue long after the shared living arrangements and sexual cohabitation may be over. This is the relationship that I still have with the first boyfriend 14 years on.
In the end with Mr C - the relationship surpassed my expectations - its lasted three times longer than the predicted and planned life expectancy and we are still friends. Now I have two lovely men who call most days and talk to and share their girl problems and I share mine. This may not be what you consider successful perhaps. But for me well it is. It makes me happy. I conduct myself honestly, do not give out false hopes, and add to my friends (who are as good as family) constantly. By the time I am 60 perhaps I will have had many many wonderful relationships - the best part from me is the learning experience, the things you learn from close intimacy with other human beings - lots of em. The sex is just such a tiny part of a relationship - I just cannot see why it should be the mark by which everything else about a human being is judged. Am I only worth something as long as I have sex with just that person? It seems the way of the world that once the sexual relationship is over between a couple that they must lose everything else that made up the relationship. I'm not saying everyone does this. I am happy to say its not. But how many times do we hear of couples reduced to fighting over the contents of their homes, money and children because of sexual indiscretion, because they promised what was impossible for them and the value of the currency of sex due to social /cultural/religious/ethnic programming was placed above everything else. It seems awfully shallow to throw everything away with a person who you professed to love. Isn't real love about giving freedom?
Sex is not that important. I agree when you say trust is. But if you are honest and do not promise exclusivity in the first place - how have you broken that trust?
onacruse - No I dont think that animalistic is the wrong word. I don't dispute it. I would say I am an animal when presented with the naked human form ocassionally, but also in different circumstances moved spiritually and emotionally. I'm sure you didnt mean to suggest we can only be one or the other? We have a multitude of facets to our personalities - these are what make up our different identities and make us so interesting. And however much we try to beautify it, sex is, at its base, part of an evolutionary process to ensure the survival of the human race and I'm not keen on overly romanticising it for every sexual transaction.
Please again understand I do not for one moment thing those who have decades of happy married life are wrong or less than me. I do not. Perhaps I might even envy that. But I am not (so far) capable of committing to anyone for ever and ever. I made that mistake with baptism when I was 13 and I lost everything. Can you see why I would not want to make such a promise again or expect it of someone else, without the forgiveness clause in place in advance?
