Well, a while ago I posted a letter I wrote requesting reinstatment. I waited a while and decided it's time to give it to the guys. I'm going to give it to them tomorrow night. Here's my final (?) version.
I am writing this letter to request reinstatement. While this time of discipline has been hard for myself as well as my family, it has proven Hebrews 12:11 true to me. In the last number of months I have had much work to do. Despite increasing work loads and family commitments, it is clear to myself and my family that I have made great strides. I have found a new level of respect for Jehovah and his laws. I find myself praying to him not only more often now, but much more heartfelt than I knew was even possible a year or so ago. I study for more meetings now than I have for quite a few years and while I would rather not travel for work, I am happy to attend meetings while on the road or get in on the “phone hook-up” when I can’t attend. If I were asked what has helped me to achieve these goals (and others) I would have a complex answer. I first had to fully realize that as Hebrews 12:6 says, Jehovah disciplines those who he loves. This was a major help and comfort for me. I had to follow the admonition at Col. 3:5 and deaden my body members.
I prayed to Jehovah for help beating this problem of mine for years to no avail. I thought I didn’t deserve his help or holy spirit and allowed myself to slip further into my addiction. It was only a year or so ago that I realized I couldn’t stop this without Jehovah and he wouldn’t stop this without me.I had to pour myself into recovery first, only then was I able to feel the peace that comes from pleasing Jehovah. As I did that, I soon noticed my life changing for the better. I prayed, and still pray to Jehovah continually and I feel from my heart that I have been forgiven by Jehovah. Feeling him in my life and feeling him help heal me is evidence of his great love and mercy.
Through prayer and counseling, I am able to keep making strides. I also keep Col. 3:7 in mind, “In those very things you, to, once walked when you used to live in them”. I can finally say I “once walked” like that. You can have no idea what that feels like. After a lifetime of failing to control oneself, after failed attempts to stop doing something you don’t even WANT to do, after a lifetime of this to finally be able to say that I am living as Jah commanded is a blessing I didn’t know was possible. Only with Jehovah’s help and an intense amount of work have I been able to stop my addictive behavior. As I stated to you brothers some months ago, I never wanted to do the things I have done. I have been in counseling for some time now because I recognized the fact that I was indeed powerless to my addiction. I deeply regret what I have done to myself, to my family, to Jehovah and his congregation. I don’t know if I can ever remove the reproach I have brought on him and his congregation and I feel great sorrow for this.
With this changed attitude I began to truly change my life in more ways than one. So now I can humbly ask to be reinstated into the Christian congregation so I can experience Jehovah’s love and forgiveness openly with my brothers and sisters.
any further sugestions?