Your opinion on my really important question, please.

by jambon1 48 Replies latest jw friends

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  OnTheWayOut

  At the very least, insist that minors wait until they are over 18 to get baptized. MOST WON'T BY THEN.

  Also, expose them to as much balance toward the world as possible- holidays, entertainment, perhaps
  even dating during teen years.

  They should turn out okay if they have a balanced outlook.

  If I had kids, I would fight using a lawyer to get them out of the cult, but that is me. Most kids won't
  stay if you keep them from baptism. Insist on this- saying it wouldn't be right that they get shunned
  as teens because of their "worldly" parent's influence.
• 

  anewme

  sorry, dbl post
• 

  Jankyn

  Based on my experience (raised in "da Troof," df'd father when I was 8, never dunked, occasionally shunned by ninja-JWs):

  First, yes, kids are amazingly resilient. All props to my dad for staying with the family, putting up with my mother's JW crap, and offering an alternative. Something as simple as saying, "Reasonable people disagree about that" when a particularly whacko doctrine was under discussion opened up a lot of doors and confirmed my perception that there was something not quite right about the goings-on at the Kingdom Hall. It gave me "permission," if you will, to investigate rather than simply swallow undigested all they spewed from the podium.

  On the other hand, since he didn't step in to keep us from constant exposure to the JW mindset, I internalized a whole lot of bunk. In my case, it was especially damaging--the JW attitude toward women is particularly disagreeable and guaranteed to cause self-esteem problems for a girl.

  Furthermore, as a person who is spiritually inclined, the demanding, "heavy yoke" the JWs lay on you caused a lot of spiritual harm that's taken me a long time to unravel and heal.

  But the best thing I could suggest is what my dad did--stay in your kids' lives, love & accept them, and offer them an alternative.

  Warm thoughts to you and your kids.

  Jankyn
• 

  lisavegas420

  I work with a girl whose parents only studied for a short period of time when she was between 11-13. To this day, her parents seem to have a JW mentality, and she has told me things that have stuck with her over the years. This was over 20 years ago.

  lisa
• 

  GoingGoingGone

  I left the JWs when my kids were about 12 and 14 I think, but they had been raised as JWs their entire lives and believed it was true. We were the perfect JW family and my husband is an elder. I was afraid I'd lost them already.

  When I started to have doubts about the JW religion, I didn't say anything to my kids, but when I became sure that they were wrong, I started talking to them, asking them questions and encouraged them to tell me what they thought. That was hard, at their age, because they had already learned that you don't question the WTS teachings, and they were very hesitant. But once they did start talking, the floodgates opened.

  I'd say that the most important thing you can do is to keep the lines of communication open with your kids. They need to know that no matter what they believe or don't believe, you will love them unconditionally. Your kids are young enough that you have time to lay a great foundation with them. If they believe that no matter what happens, you have their best interests at heart and love them, they will listen to what you say, even if it goes against what they learn at the meetings.

  Do NOT let them get baptized. If your wife is a balanced JW, then appeal to her before this even becomes an issue. Point out the lunacy of 6 year olds getting baptized and making a lifelong comittment to something they have no capacity to even understand fully. Tell her that if your kids decide to get baptized (this is purely hypothetical, mind you, to pacify your wife), that you want them to be able to make a meaningful dedication and understand what they're doing, and that can't happen until they are much older.

  If you can keep them away from meetings, that's still the best option imho. But I know that's not always feasable. Even if you do keep them away from meetings, you still need to have a great relationship with them and keep communicating and accepting them for who they are. Unconditional love is a basic human need, and the WTS comes up way short in that department.

  Good luck to you.

  GGG
• 

  AlmostAtheist

  I like the idea of not letting them get baptized until they're 18, but be careful not to take an adversarial "unbelieving parent" stance on it. JW's thrive on opposition, and you may inadvertantly provide the enemy that they can feel they are railing against.

  When Zach was 6 and I was still a JW, he asked me if Jehovah was going to kill his little friends in the neighborhood. He knew from the meetings that it SHOULD happen, but he knew from his heart that it SHOULDN'T happen. He looked to me to resolve the ambiguity. Being the dull-eyed JW I was, I told him that it was up to Jehovah to decide who survived into the New System. I'm sure that didn't satisfy him. Kids think and reason, without "beliefs" to guide it. If you provide the satisfying answers when their questions come -- "No, it wouldn't make sense for a loving god to kill good people, would it?" -- then you'll be giving them a good basis for throwing all the JW stuff away when they get older.

  Good luck, Dude. :-)

  Dave
• 

  mama1119

  I would have to say it is extrememly damamging to a child. I grew up with all kinds of guilt issues, that are just now, in my late twenties, starting to let go. I wanted very badly to be normal. I hated meetings and I hated service. I was so jealous that my extended family all got together on holidays and we couldn't go

  I was so scared of armageddon and being seperated from my family and tortured. I was very afraid of demons, and would always have to say Jehovah over and over at night because I was afraid they were going to attack me.

  And my brother is a whole other thing...most of his issues can be traced right back to the borg.

  I would not choose to raise my children that way.
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  nvrgnbk

  Any teaching or belief that is not based on reality is dangerous to both children and adults.

  Thanks.

  Nvr
• 

  JamesThomas

  There is no reality outside the present moment. All significance is cradled within the immediacy of now. The problem with much religion, especially the Witnesses, is it mentally detaches significance (reality) and places it in some other illusory thing, deity, place, or time. Religion often steals away life and reality, and upon doing so becomes the darkest of arts.

  I suggest counter balancing its effects by teaching your children how to be silently open and present with life's significance in this moment of actuality. There is innate richness and wisdom present here now which can negate the harmful effects of religious beliefs and its tiny judgmental gods. Of course we need to know how to be genuinely present ourselves before we can show others.

  When your dear children are truly rooted in reality, the sleep of religion will not fall upon them.

  j
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  YoungAmerican

  I was raised a JW by good, decent parents. Although they were strict they were loving and kind so as a smaller child my life was really idealic. No argueing around the house, very close knit, lots of family oriented activites. I really never had any problem missing out on holidays because since I never celebrated them I really didn't know what I was missing. As I started getting a little older is when the troubles started. I started realizing how much I actually hated doing everything that was required of me. I felt guilty all the time and wondered what was wrong with me. Why couldn't I feel Jehovah in my heart??? I lived a lie, trying and trying to get that feeling, that closeness with Jehovah but no matter what I did it just never happened. So here I am at 45 years old, living across country from my JW relatives, still pretending to them that I am a JW because I feel too much guilt and shame to tell them that I have not been to a meeting here in almost 9 years! I don't see them much but when I go to visit them (due to illnesses, they never come here) I go to the meetings and keep up the charade. I can't bring myself to try any other religion so have given my children no spiritual guidance in life and still live with the fear that the BIG A will happen at any moment and I will see my beautiful children's life cut short like in the scary pictures in the watchtower that I grew up with, (hugh burning rocks pelting us to death from the sky, dark clouds, people lying dead in the streets all around us). I still freak out every time the phase "Peace and Secruity" comes out of any political figure on tv. I am still a mess and don't think I will ever get over what being raised a JW has done to me.