To this day my parents believe they did the best thing possible for us children by raising us as JWs.
All of my adult siblings and I have suffered and continue to suffer from the after-effects of participation in the JW cult. I wouldn't put my worst enemy's children through what I had to endure in school as a JW. I had little time for normal childhood recreation because every Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday and Sunday were taken up with Witness meetings and activities, all of which were tedious, distasteful, and boring. Fortunately, my sibs and I were lucky enough never to have an illness or injury serious enough to require blood transfusions; else, we would never have made it adulthood. Is this a chance you're willing to take with your children?
Living and working in a world where we were required to believe all the "worldly" people around us were garbage soon to be destroyed by God is not a healthy perspective, to say the least.
I finally decided to leave when my son was born. I knew then that I could never impose on my innocent child the kind of life I had as a Witness child. It took me three years of soul-searching and many hours of psychotherapy and hospitalization to finally get out of the cult, but I did it.
There's no such thing as a "moderate" JW. You are either one of them 100% or they will throw you out and not look back. There's no question that your children will be harmed by this cult; the only question is how extensive the damage will be.
Your opinion on my really important question, please.
by jambon1 48 Replies latest jw friends
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parakeet
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under_believer
>There's no such thing as a "moderate" JW. You are either one of them 100% or they will throw you out and not look back.
Parakeet, I disagree with that statement. Many JWs are moderate these days. My wife is one of them. It is a crisis for the Society. -
DHL
More so than other children, their main security comes from winning the approval of their parents. They find that to win this approval they must do whatever the Society and their parents tell them will win Jehovah God’s approval. I was told, by my own parents that if I ever left the religion they would never talk to me again. If I were to ever marry outside the religion the same penalty would apply. Although these threats are not always carried out, the Witness child grows up believing that the continuation of their whole world depends upon gaining their parents approval.
In addition to this pressure to conform, is the threat that God himself will kill the child, if he or she should go against their parent’s wishes. The child is also puzzled by the parent’s willingness to lose them in this way and often concludes that the parents do not love him or her. How can they threaten a child they love in this way, or say that the God they love may kill their child? As a child I concluded that I meant very little to my parents. Not all Witness parents act in this way. Those that do, say that they are practising a form of principled love for the child. Unfortunately children do not interpret threats of his kind as love. Nor as far as I know do most adults.
This describes my rememberings perfectly. And that damaged me personally much more than doctrin ever did. Looking back on my upbringing I can see nowadays what I missed most and what caused the biggest damage to me: It was me striving for but never getting my parents unconditional love. Never ever! I felt like they never even saw who I really was. They never knew the real me. That made me feel overlooked (not the body but the personality) and therefore worthless. Interesting: Even then I instinctively knew something went wrong here although I was to young to give it a name.
So I'd say, simply show your children that you love them unconditionally. Pay attention, spend quality time with them as often as possible, talk a lot with them, listen carefully to what they want to tell you. Share their experiences as much as you can. Be strong for them when they need your help. And assist them in discovering and boosting their strengths wherever you discover them (make sure you find out about them). Just be as close as you can be.
And be sure, they will feel the difference. To them you will be a bright light in a strange darkness even if can't vokalize it. Children aren't stupid. They can read betweet the lines pretty well. So make sure you are there for them. That's all they need. They don't need money or new stuff all the time. They need to be loved unconditionally.
I also agree with the posters who adviced to teach them independent thinking. Developing independent thinking is indispensible.
Love, Debbie
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nvrgnbk
A moderate Witness is a very, very bad Witness by GB standards. Of course all of us here that once were Witnesses know that that's what the majority are. Ex- elders know that the elders, in general, spend alot of time rolling their eyes at the publishers. I think they learn this disdain for the r&f from the top. For that reason there's going to be a WT tailored specifically to spanking the publishers.
Having said the above, this in no way negates the effects of indoctrination on impressionable children. Even if raised in a moderate (slacker) household they may read and hear repeated sufficient propaganda to make them feel guilty and self- doubting for the rest of their lives. Any teaching or belief not rooted 100% in reality is damaging to both children and adults.
Thoroughly damaged,
Nvr
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DJK
It was damaging to me. Being raised in it, I resented the bible before I was six. I refused to learn it. I also felt deprived of things that the larger world out there would enjoy. Most of all, family values and love as my dad was too interested in the bible and FS work. He was a slave to his god and the WTBTS. Disipline in my home went way over the line and was actually abuse. I found more abuse attending school for the first 7 years before I stood up and fought back. It is not an environment to raise children!
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parakeet
under_believer wrote: "Parakeet, I disagree with that statement. Many JWs are moderate these days. My wife is one of them. It is a crisis for the Society."
Please define "moderate" as it relates to JWs.
Does it mean that "moderate" JWs will accept blood transfusions if their lives or their children's lives are in danger?
Does it mean that JW children can salute the flag and take part in holiday programs at school?
Does it mean they don't have put in many hours each week going to meetings, studying the WT, and participating in field service?
Does it mean children are not taught that Jehovah will destroy in the very near future all of their nonJW schoolmates and neighbors?
Being a JW, even a "moderate" one, means accepting and transmitting these hateful doctrines to their children. Children will still be damaged, even if it's only "moderately" damaged. -
jambon1
Firstly, I must say thank you for your input. These experiences and your advice are extreemly helpful to me. It was probobly dificult for many of you to recount some stuff. It really is appreciated. Thank you.
I guess I am pretty confident and reassured about the way I will take this situation. My children are still very young but cleary, they are very switched on and intelligent (im biased ).
One family friend told me not to sell myself short when it comes to thinking about the final outcome. In other words, I have too much going for me to be overly concerned about a negative outcome. This came as a bit of a big concept to digest, considering the massive 'put downs' you receive as a JW. Still, it is very true.
I only hope I am around to keep on influencing the situation. I get very worried about premature death and the effects of perhaps another man coming into my kids lives. Even worse a JW career climber, @ss hole, JW man. I suppose I should give up worrying and get living as someone said recently.
This thread has been great therapy for me and once again I thank you all very much. As I have said before in another thread, I dont know where I would be if I never had this site in the last year or so.
J
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Rebirth
Jumping in to share my experience of being an unbelieving mate w/two young children (5 and 6). I have been out two years and my husband and I have come to an agreement that I can raise them celebrating birthdays and holidays and husband can bring them to the meetings and assemblies. No field service for the girls, he has agreed to this. I am very uncomfortable w/the girls being exposed to dangerous and unpredictable individuals at the doors and my therapist agrees w/this and has already said he would testify in court should the need arise. My husband is being very flexible and reasonable. He wants our marriage and dual-childrearing to succeed as much as I do.
I am very good about always de-programming the girls from the poison. I talk to them all the time about what they are learning and help reason w/them and help them to go w/their guts. Asking them their feelings on what they are learning and then affirming their feelings is the best approach in my opinion. I want to trust that they have great intuition and my goal is to affirm that intuition and encourage them to trust it. They now are very comfortable w/coming to me with something that doesn't sit right with their senses. They having a sounding board in me and usually after the say what isn't sitting well with them they will draw the conclusion that what they learned is messed up.
Be proactive w/your part in child-raising. Whatever you do, don't sit back and watch. Your children need to have an "out" in you. They need to know that you will have their back. Get them talking and insist that they participate w/birthdays, holidays, sports, and "worldly" friends. Give them a normal life, in other words.
Good luck!
Rebirth
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sammielee24
Being a JW, even a "moderate" one, means accepting and transmitting these hateful doctrines to their children. Children will still be damaged, even if it's only "moderately" damaged.
I've never met a moderate JW. Being a JW is living a lifestyle in accordance to their doctrines - if you don't you aren't a JW. There is no point in being a JW unless you believe in what is being taught and if you believe in that and choose to raise them in it, they will be damaged. Worse still, if you don't believe in it, but choose to raise them in it, then you have sacrificed their lives on a foundation that doesn't exist and damaged them on purpose. sam.