Sofia - my websites get many emails from JWs just like you. Some are elders and continue to do their jobs as expected and never let on that they don't believe the WT bullshit at all. Breaking up families is often too traumatic for one person to do. You see this same approach taken by individual Catholics and "practicing" Jews - because if they didn't they would have no family, no friends, no home, no job, and no resources or family inheritance. They would become a nobody to everybody they know.
"Shadow Elder," a New York resident who has been discussed here several times and submitted a post to Ex-JW.com, was just such a person. He did eventually share his feelings with one of his sons. I have not heard from him in years, so my guess is that he and his son continue to pretend to be active and committed JWs just to keep their family together (Shadow told me that his wife would leave him and never let him see his kids again if he ever admitted to being an apostate.)
So Sofia - do what is right for you. But know that you have a very wide selection of friends here and can find excellent support on many ex-JW discussion websites. You will have far more friends than you can imagine who will not criticize you or call you a hypocrite for doing what you feel you have to do. At the same time we all hope that someday you will be able to break free and move away completely.
JV