16 children!!! I'm fascinated!

by winnie 50 Replies latest jw friends

  • winnie
    At the risk of being thought a freak myself, I used to want 14 kids! Then I had one:) They are a lot of work. I don't condemn the Duggars or think they can't love them enough. If they can do it, more power to them.

    No, your not a freak! I still would like more children, as after the first 3, the next 2 didn't really add any extra work. But I would say as I said before, that there should be a limit. Kids need your attention and time, and if your honest, between normal household duties, how much time can you give 16 children individually?

  • JWdaughter

    frankly, most kids love a certain amount of attention, and NO MORE. I think they are often smothered by parents who are afraid they will be deprived if they don't spend every minute with them. After they are six or so-they just want to do their own thing and go their own way, and with some structure, good nutrition and love, they will do it just fine-even with 15 siblings. Kids need to know their parents are there when they need them. I think a stay home mom of 16 is probably giving her kids a lot more personal attention-all 16 of them than the one little girl that I nannied got from her single mom who saw her for a couple hours in the evening-unless she was at a womens meeting, appointment, movie, date or the child was at a friends house. With dinner and bathing and dishes there wasn't much time for more than a quick glance over school work (if that) and a bedtime story (if the commute hadn't exhausted her or she wasn't crippled with monthly pains).

    I don't think the children have sole responsibility for anything-such as laundry. One of the things on the website spoke of the mom up late at night exhausted from doing the laundry. I think that the harshest consequences for that family falls on the parents -financially and physically keeping up with them would be hard. But loving little children is easy. Depending on others for help sometimes is not the worst thing in the world and your kids KNOWING they are needed and useful for something other than their presence builds their self respect in ways that many kids these days are deprived of.

  • LeslieV

    geee I don't know about the rest of you, but I have three girls and I can't keep their names straight. Can you imagine trying to remember 16 kids names. By the time I got down to the correct kids name, they would be long gone.

    I really think in this day and age, having that many children is no longer about having kids, but it is about the parents. It is their need to be needed. Years ago large family's were the norm because many young children died in infancy. This is no longer the case, besides the point contraception is widely available now. God I would bet any insurance company that they belong to would pay them to use it.


  • greendawn

    One wonders how they do it at a time when most women in the western world have only one or two children because that's all they can afford. Sixteen children is amazing, it solves part of the low birth rate problem.

  • winnie
    I don't think the children have sole responsibility for anything-such as laundry. One of the things on the website spoke of the mom up late at night exhausted from doing the laundry.

    I hate to disagree, and I may be completely wrong, but the mother doing laundry up late was way back years ago when they only had 5 or so kids. If the program a couple of nights ago is recent, and they have moved into their new house, so I think it is, the mother was talking about the kids different 'jurisdictions' and jinjer (12) had the laundry chore on her own, others had different jobs to do all over the house, some of them I don't think should be given to kids.

    I agree when the kids reach 6+ they tend to do their own thing, but when they are saddled with chores as big as the laundry, cooking, cleaning bathrooms, surely it's time to draw the line???

  • SirNose586

    Sir Nose!

    I think it's unfair & selfish for the kids to have to raise the other kids.

    Very true. You all know how I feel on the matter, and I'm glad that so many of you agree with me. For one, I know a man who sired at least seven children (there are more, but I don't know their names and haven't met them). Three of them that I know personally have big social issues. They certainly put the "fun" in dysfunctional.

    Besides, having big families harkens back to the days of having kids by lottery. You'd have a brood of seven, and maybe two would die from cholera or typhoid or some other old-timey disease. The rest would be put to work. It made sense, what with the shorter life expectancies of the time.

  • bisous

    Another brand of fundamentalist wackos!

  • JWdaughter

    Saddled with chores like cooking, laundry and dishes? I totally know I was not abused, and often had to do all three when my mom was working. Thats called being part of the family. Being home schooled means they are probably attending class less than 3 hours a day in reality. What is wrong with doing chores? Remember-kids used to do chores, and they didn't have time to do drugs, join cults, sit in front of the tv all day and get fat. Many kids in smaller families do chores too-live on a farm and there is a lot more work than someone living in the suburbs with a maid service, nannies, and take out. It isn't child abuse to require kids to do chores. If all I had to do each day as my chore was 7 loads of laundry, the actual time it would take actively would be less than 2 hours (they have multiple washing machines, right? And closets right in the laundry area?) With 2-3 hours of school, she has plenty of time to be a kid. Cooking for a big family is minimally more complicated than for a small family (I saw their recipes, trust me, this stuff isn't gourmet!) I think floor duty would be a actual chore. There is the theory that many hands make light work, and I think it is true.

    Parents aren't just there to give kids life, dinner and a roof with regular trips to the zoo. We are supposed to teach them values, and a work ethic and the satisfaction of a job well done. That requires more than pretty words and inspirational articles and and cute picture books. It is real life. Its not like they are working in a field for 12 hours a day picking potatoes. Which teenagers in Idaho are let out of school to do every fall. . .I thought that was weird, as I come from a non agricultural background. But to rural kids, it was the most normal thing in the world to do.

    How do they learn if we don't teach them? Folding the towels once a week is great, but doesn't do much to teach them a work ethic. Cooking chocolate chip cookies once a month with gramma isn't educating them much. And building a birdhouse is nice, but real skills are learned by doing real work. Helping is nice, but self respect comes from real work.

    My dad was trained as a carpenter by his dad and working regularly at 15 in the summers as a carpenter. He lived on a farm and milked cows (always got the whole milk with the cream on top at the store-he loved that!), did haying and worked in the fields. He adored his dad. Everyone did. And he learned a lot from him and if his dad just gave him a play set of tools and never expected anything of him, then he would never have learned to build that house for my mom, or furniture or decks or skyscrapers. His dad taught him and expected him to actually do it.

    I think if you don't expect things from your kids, you ruin them. I don't want 30 year old "children", and I see a LOT of them. I want to raise my children to be men and women. Raising indicates growth. No one raises peas just for the pleasure of watching the first shoots come out of the ground.

  • winnie

    Don't get me wrong, I'm all for kids doing chores, but have you actually seen the programs on them? They have responsibilities no child should have.

  • Fred E Hathaway
    Fred E Hathaway

    I'm hitting 40 soon and no wonder things still are hard for me. My parents couldn't see eye to eye about what was right for the 3 children they brought into the world, never mind the lack of morals of the one and the lack of spine and backbone of the other, them splitting when I was 15 and divorcing when I was 18. Now I sit in front of a computer most days on JWD to try to find some intelligent conversation. That's the deteriorated world of a city of a million people awash in money, spending it on drugs, alcohol, trips, loose living, thinking as if "fun" meant "right".

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