df'd and having doubts..JC knows

by Caine 32 Replies latest jw friends

  • Threestars

    Hello Caine, My Father got into trouble with the borg during my teens on and off and we didn't attend meetings for a long time. Then he came back in full force when I was 19 or 20 and by this time I didn't want to come back. I was very frightened of armageddon though, plus my Dad put a lot of pressure on me so I gave it a shot. It lasted about a year and then I just stopped completely.

    We lived in a very large city so I was able to remain invisible to a certain extent because my Dad changed congs a lot. My Mom and younger siblings were all still in and since I wasn't DFed they still had dinners with me and spoke to me but my Dad never let up the pressure. I had a common law husband and we had 2 children but when I got pregnant for a 3rd time (this ended in a medical emergency--I lost the baby) Dad contacted the local elders, who did know me slightly and who bugged me from time to time, and told them I had committed fornication (no duh!) and I was foolish enough to go to the JC meeting.

    I told them that I had no connection with the org and that none of my friends or co-workers even knew of my past association with them so there was no way that I was bringing "reproach" on the org. I also told them that my long-time partner and I were getting married soon, but they just kept asking me if I was going to continue having sex with this man. I told them yes (I could have lied but at that point I still felt that by lying to the elders I was lying to God). So those self-righteous men sat there and told me that I was a minion of Satan now and that I was going to be destroyed by Jehovah soon, my children were going to die horrible deaths--the whole spiel. I can remember sitting there looking at one of the elder's cowboy boots (yes, cowboy boots, but very nice ones!) and hearing the horrible demeaning things he was saying, and I just felt as if my brain was dissolving. He was SO cruel and vindictive. It turns out this particular gem of a fellow was a wife beater--my sister told me later that he got in trouble for slapping his wife around and lost his elder status but not DFed. His wife left him for another man and SHE was DFed though.

  • Caine

    Funny thing,

    A close friend of mine got df same time I did. The brother on his committee who was the most judgemental two weeks later was deleted as an elder. Has never been back to the meeting since. I guess he likes to rattle cages but cant handle his cage getting rattled. Seems he left his wife for a man. I think im at a point where ive lost faith in all people, because i lost faith with myself. its amazing how had i just read another bible i would have known about gods grace, as opposed to his "undeserved kindness"

  • truthsearcher

    Hmmmmm...........God's grace.................seems like a foreign concept to the JWs. It turns Jehovah into a different sort of diety than the one you would find in the pages of the WT.

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