When "friends" let you down...

by Crumpet 45 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Crumpet

  Have you ever been in a position where you really needed your friends - ie a relationship break down, or some other event and expected your friends to rally and support you. Only to find that those friends are nowhere to be seen or heard and when you tentatively enquire how they are in the hope for some kind response you get - "oh well you'll get over it." or words to that effect and by email.

  I have as you can guess a reason and recent experience of my own that I'll share later, but I wondered how do you handle that? Do you stop being "friends"? Do you hunt em down to find out why? Were you very disappointed at being let down? How much should you in fact expect from your friends?
• 

  onacruse

  "Everbody loves a winner, but when you lose, you lose alone."

  It is the rare person indeed who goes against the grain of this natural human tendency...and it is this type of person that I would call a friend.

  I can count on one hand those that I can call my friends.
• 

  PaulJ

  There are different kinds of friends. There are the 'good-time' friends and ones that are there for you no matter what.

  Sounds like the ones you mention are just good-time friends. They say you know who your true friends are when you need them.... A friendship needs to go both ways.... (ahem) giving and receiving....

  If it was me, from now on I'd be friendly with them, but thats about it. I dont need people like that in my life... in fact who does?
• 

  bigwilly

  I'm fairly friendly (shocking I know) and have many "aquaintances" but very few people I consider to be close friends. Due to the lack of family I have replaced those normal close ties with people who have proven themselves to be true friends. It takes alot for me to trust anyone enuf to open up to them emotionally. Due to my experiences with "friends" when I left the dubs, I don't expect permanence or unquestioning support from anyone other than my partner. By not expecting the support, I have been pleasantly suprised when it is there.

  ((((((((( Crumpet )))))))))

  I only know a little of your current situation, but can imagine what you are talking about. And I'm sorry to hear they weren't there for you.
• 

  JH

  I thought that I had atleast a few real friends in the congregation.

  Well, it turned out that I didn't have any. They were just there for my generosity.
• 

  looking_glass

  Well it depends. If they are someone really close to me and there is no reason for them to behave badly, then I would be hurt and express it to them. But some times when we are in the middle of something we are self absorbed and cannot see that other people are also struggling. There are times when I have been stressed from work or sad because of something in my life and I have not been there for people, so I try to remember this when I am going thru something and when certain friends have not been there for me.

  I have a pretty good friend that is extremely selfish. She had a really bad childhood and even though you would think that she would be able to be understanding and sympathetic, she cannot be. I have discussed it with her and she does not feel that she abandons her friends when they are in need. I recognize her limitations and do not go to her when something bad happens. I will share the experience later, but not when I am in the moment.

  If you are good friends w/ this person and they have hurt you, I would say wait for the sting of the hurt to pass and then discuss it with them. You may find out that there was a "reason" they behaved the way they did. It does not excuse the behavior, but it may explain it.

  As humans we are granted leave to make mistakes. L_G of the making mistakes human race.
• 

  tijkmo

  its not the words of your enemies you remember

  its the silence of your friends
• 

  Sad emo

  Yes, it sucks

  I think my problem is that I get confused between real friends and people who would possibly be better described as 'acquaintances' or 'colleagues'. I don't really differentiate until crisis moments arrive, then like PaulJ said soon work out which is which. I will distance myself from 'friends' who let me down, still be friendly but more cautious in my dealings with them.

  I only know for certain one true friend who would be there no matter what, 24/7 and I would be for her likewise.
• 

  dedpoet

  I have a few friends that I know will be there for me in a crisis, as they have before, and I would be there for them.

  The rest are acquaintances who I try not to involve in my personal matters
• 

  Xena

  My really good friends would get an email back saying something like "you suck at this friend stuff don't you? now give some some sympathy before I go postal on your ass"

  If they aren't really good friends I don't expect much from them.