Shunned by the congregation for not performing

by truthseeker 29 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  pierogi

  Hi Truthseeker, sorry about what's happening. I haven't gone to the kingdom hall in almost a year (other than a couple random times for the purpose of seeing how they'd treat me ). Well, I was in line at the store buying some food for the superbowl when I feel a tap on my shoulder. I turn around and it is a woman from the hall. This is what I hate (keep in mind that my parents dissasociated themselves last year). She asked how my little brother was, nobody else in my family, just my little brother. I have a tendency to not be mean to people, but I wish I said, "Actually, my whole family is great, thanks for asking." I will definitely say that next time.

  So Truthseeker, are they treating your wife the same way? I swear I'll go to the kingdom hall after drinking a bit one day and say whatever is on my mind! (But try not to make it obvious that I'm drunk or I'll get couseled. Lol. Oh yeah, and if they ever want to talk to me after a meeting if I ever went again, I'm not talking in the back room!

  But don't take it personally Truthseeker, they are so totally brainwashed and weird, it's not your fault.
• 

  willyloman

  A couple of decades ago, or more, I heard an elder give a service meeting part based loosely on that scripture about the Shepherd leaving the 99 sheep to go look for the one that was lost. The elder put an interesting twist on it. He asked the audience to imagine hearing the bleating of the lamb in the darkness and warned of the dangers of individual sheep going out, away from the safety of the flock, to investigate on their own. That, he said, is what shepherds are for.

  He proceeded to liken this to dubs who wander away from the flock and expose themselves to dangers from the world. He said individual sheep would naturally be cautious about going to the aid of that sheep, for fear they'd also be attacked and eaten alive by the vicious wolf out there in the dark. Everybody got the point. If a dub wanders away from the "flock" he is putting himself in great danger, and anyone who goes to his rescue is also in harm's way. Therefore, don't go out there - let the elders handle it.

  All my dub life I've seen this attitude prevail. When someone wanders off, instead of a flurry of concern followed by overt action to "save" the poor lost sheep, the average dub stays as far away from the person as they can. Such cold, unloving behavior is not frowned upon by the organization, but rather applauded as the safe and wise course to follow.

  Just one more example of how they twist the scriptures while believing they represent God's mercy.
• 

  yaddayadda

  Its pretty obvious that JW's are not fulfilling John 13:35. As long as you are still a baptized JW, you should be shown love, no matter how irregular you are in meeting attendance, etc. They imagine they are fulfilling John 13:35 through going door to door. Hardly. They totally miss the point. They do not show love to the 'weaker' ones amongst their own and do not show any genuine love for those in the world either. Compared with Jesus great pity and concern for the downtrodden, ostracised, poor, sinful, etc, JW's abysmally fail to follow in Christ's footsteps.
  
  It really is just a completely performance based religion. There is practically no difference to how JW's treat each other and how employees of a sales company would treat each other (field service = door to door sales; meetings = team building meetings/pep talks; answering up = enthusiastic comments to other employees at team meetings/pep talks). The more you perform and brown-nose the more popular you are and the more you rise up the ranks and get 'rewarded' by management. There's no difference.
  
  The 'publishers' are not so much Christians as Watchtowerites. They are little sales reps for the Watchtower Society. That's all. They've been collared by a religious publishing house to do their sales work.
• 

  Sunspot

  You don't stop talking to people because you're irregular in meeting attendance.

  Maybe you don't....but its obvious they do.

  All of this is part of a learning process.....that will help you to deal with the treatment of all the "loving" JWs. They are to be pitied.
• 

  moshe

  JW's are only comfortable with people who march in lockstep with the organization, it seems.
• 

  onlycurious

  This may be a great opportunity for your wife to see the truth of what the WTS really is. Hang tight for the ride, maybe she will jump on board with you!

  It really is too bad someone doesn't step up to the plate (Dateline or some news station) and expose this for what it really is. It may not have much of an impact with those in the WTS but it will certainly persuade people to keep their doors shut.
• 

  Madame Quixote

  truthseeker - I am really sorry that you're going through this. I hope you and your wife will be able to form new friends and activities outside the congregation to make up for your losses there at the KH. Their love is totally conditional - conditional on performance and on how beautiful the facade of your life appears. Be the change. Be love. Hugs!
• 

  Hapgood

  I'm so sorry Truthseeker. I can relate to what your going through! I was a JW for twenty-five years. Five years ago I had enough of their "love", walked out of the Kingdom Hall and never went back(although I do go to the assemblies to keep my JW husband company). I was always considered "weak" because I was too shy and quiet, I didn't comment much and because of my temperament, I had a terrible time going out in service. I was not born into the 'truth"so before we were Baptized we got "love bombed". After I was baptized, because I couldn't perform up to their standards, I was never really considered good association, so the "love" stopped and I was pretty much ignored. My daughter had some trouble in her teen years and they began to treat her that way....well that was what opened up my eyes to their ways. My poor hubby, he's still a JW, but very weak, he's treated like a "non person". Hardly anyone talks to him, it breaks my heart! A year ago, we drove a "friend" to the assembly because she didn't have a way to get there(she must have been desperate if she had to get a ride with us LOL). My hubby dropped us both off in front of the assembly hall, she couldn't get out of the car and away from me fast enough......she didn't want to be seen with me
• 

  Quandry

  cybergy

  Then, after I stopped going to meetings, an elder came by my house and said I should return to God and to meetings so that I can have “limited association.” “Limited association?” What is that supposed to mean?

  You think you've heard it all. I was going over a few posts that I had missed and read yours.

  I know what this means. In just two short sentences he is telling you to consider yourself a "lesser one" than all the rest of the people at the hall. He is telling you that you are weak and to be viewed as a danger--a poor associate for the ones at the Hall. You are worthy of less love because you are not at every meeting. Did he endeavor to find out if you'd been sick or depressed?

  How in the world would this man expect that you would possibly feel welcomed upon coming to a meeting? I'll bet he went home and "raised his hands to the heavens" in prayer, telling God that he was not like the "people of the earth" like you and me.

  I do remember reading that Jesus feels that each one of us is so precious that he gave his life for us. Guess the elder doesn't dwell on this scripture.

  No wonder there are more and more of us on this forum!!
• 

  jayhawk1

  From Cyberguy's post...

  What you describe happened to me after I “slowed down.” Then, after I stopped going to meetings, an elder came by my house and said I should return to God and to meetings so that I can have “limited association.” “Limited association?” What is that supposed to mean? No thanks! I’ll find friends elsewhere. I don't need that kind of "association."

  Nobody can put the "ass" in "association" like a JW.