Shunned by the congregation for not performing

by truthseeker 29 Replies latest jw friends

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  truthseeker

  As many of you know, I am a witness who still attends for the sake of my wife.

  My meeting attendance has dropped to about 50% and I make maybe 1 hour a month in field service, although I report more than this to keep the elder's off my back.

  After several months of this, the result has been noticeable.

  Those who used to be friendly and greet me no longer do so. Some even avoid me. All this is happening, yet no one says anything to me about my meeting and field service attendance.

  A few do still talk to me, and these are what one might consider the "outcasts" - those who are weak.

  It's a strange feeling, and makes me uncomfortable. I have done nothing to these people.

  It's weird reading about this happening to others on the forum and then seeing it yourself for the first time.

  Only two elders have mentioned talking to me about various "points", but none have got round to doing it, even when I do go.

  What's really weird about this, is that the last service meeting item was about showing love to neighbor and showing a GENUINE interest in people. Of course, that doesn't apply at the Kingdom Hall, but only for recruitment.
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  Crumpet

  truthseeker - you must have seen this happen to others,. maybe even done it yourself. I remeber as a kid a brother in one congregation stopped coming to lots of the meetings and up to that point he had been quite popular, but when his attendance fell away there just seemed to be a common consensus amongst the masses not to chat to him so much. I dont remember actually being told not to, but it just became apparent that people weren't as friendly to him anymore and he looked realy unhappy.

  I hope that your wife notices this and questions why the lack of love rather than questions you. How is she responding? Perhaps she is on the receiving end of lots of sympathetic looks like the brother above's wife was....
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  greendawn

  There are some powerful social control mechanisms set in place by the FDS. If you get shunned because of not attending meetings or preaching the JW (fake) message to the world then there is something wrong with the said society. It's far too demanding.
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  OUTLAW

  Just a little taste of things to come..It can get worse..Wait until the dogs are ordered to turn on you...OUTLAW
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  truthseeker

  Crumpet,

  Yes, I've seen it done to others, although I've never ignored those who were weak - partly because I was never the gung-ho zealous dub. I've always made it a point to talk to those who look depressed. I've had a miserable life in the org, I was raised in it from birth. Nothing good ever came from being a JW.

  Once, I auxiliary pioneered for a month, and suddenly everyone noticed me. I was invited out to a video evening by pioneers who never gave me the time of day.

  Wife says it's partly my fault for not going as much and people don't know what to say to me. Load of rubbish IMO. You don't stop talking to people because you're irregular in meeting attendance.

  None of those who ignore me EVER call to ask why?
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  truthsetsonefree

  I am going through something similar. I am "marked." Must be since no one talks or calls. It is amazing to be weak after only eight months ago being on assemblies. Further I was a little surprised on how isolated one becomes if one doesn't keep "on the treadmill." No wonder I worked so hard when I was "in."

  tsof
• 

  truthseeker

  Truthsetonefree,

  I think I am marked too. I don't get invites anymore.

  The congregation only exists for me twice a week - soon as I leave it disappears.
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  BlackPearl

  Hang in there TS, most of us have been through the same thing. It's all about loving those that are the performers. If you don't perform, you don't get any love. Don't worry bout it, there's plenty of love elswhere. Heck, I've recieved more love from "worldly people" than I ever had from "christs followers". Going to the Kingdom Hall became sooo difficult because of such a lack of love, I dreaded it. I could feel people talking about me and my family behind my back. Do your best to love others, regardless of their faith, and love will come running back to you.

  BP
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  Mary

  Once, I auxiliary pioneered for a month, and suddenly everyone noticed me. I was invited out to a video evening by pioneers who never gave me the time of day. Wife says it's partly my fault for not going as much and people don't know what to say to me. Load of rubbish IMO. You don't stop talking to people because you're irregular in meeting attendance.

  That's because in this cult, you are judged soley on meeting attendance and field service as to how 'spiritual' you are. The fact that you may be a thoughtful, caring, kind person counts for absolutely nothing. Everything is about appearances. The fact that you're missing half the meetings means that you are now perceived as being "weak in the truth" or "a vessel for an unhonorable purpose". We all know that other Dubs who are concerned about their own social standing in the congregation strong in the truth, will avoid you like the plague, lest their own spirituality be questioned.

  Yes it can hurt that people who we thought were our friends, only turn out to be superficial friends. If I were you, I would start exploring other interests in life where you can have true friends----ones that don't judge you by how many hours you spend each month banging on doors.
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  blondie

  Also, people are judged at the KH by the "company" they keep and if they hang out with the weak they think they will be perceived as weak. You become a spiritual leper (unless you have big bucks).

  Blondie