What will it take for me to stop this?

by sibboleth 48 Replies latest jw friends

  • sibboleth

    Hello all again, slept some finally... was up until 4am just thinking about things... Bigmouth: yes, I purposely call myself "sibboleth" versus "shibboleth"... not sure if I was just being cute, but it seems appropriate somewhat... I am trying to move forward, just difficult to erase the hurt of knowing that I was born into this situation and didn't realize until a year ago that the world would not stop turning if I did what I wanted versus what everyone else wanted... and that what I wanted was not evil - I want to be happy, to live in peace with my fellow man, to enjoy life and all it brings. To think for myself and make decisions based on what I know and research versus what an organization tells me...

  • J-ex-W


    Welcome, Sibboleth.

  • candidlynuts

    i agree with the poster that said let it all out here.

    venting , raging , getting others viewpoints HELPS!

    welcome to the board , glad you're here.

  • IsaacJS2

    I'm another newbie on the board. I just turned 34 and I've been out for nearly 10 years. Yet I still find it important to figure out what went wrong with me and the Society, and clarifying my thoughts on the subject seems like part of it. I mentioned elsewhere that I'm working on a lengthy essay about it.

    In my case, being married to a practicing JW doesn't help. I occasionally have runins with in-laws in need of extra service time and such. They get very offensive, very preachy, and don't even know it. They surely don't mind padding their service hours at my expense. The first 3-4 years after I left, some would stop by in the morning in an effort to get their service time started because I only live a few minutes away from the Hall. Yippy, eh? I know if I go into my WT diabtribe with any of them it will probably be the last time we ever speak. If that isn't a sign that your religion is a controlling, authoritarian cult, I don't know what is... ::ahem::

    Anyway, don't feel bad. I have many of the same concerns as you. I'm still feeling the burn. But I try not to let it consume me, either.


  • Lady Liberty
    Lady Liberty

    Dear Sibboleth,

    WELCOME to the forum!!!

    I know how you feel to a large degree as being about your age, and also raised a very strict witness. Yes we missed out on ALOT..however, we have ALOT of life to still live!! Try to not dwell on the negatives that we cannot change or undue. But try and be positive, look ahead..make new memories!! Otherwise you are never going to heal. I think posting here and helping others has helped me pull through this myself. It is like journaling your feelings. And many have found it theraputic. I bet if you start getting out your feelings, you will start to feel better. Hang in there!! (((HUGS)))


    Lady Liberty

  • Qcmbr

    Time heals and venting is part of the healing - you were wounded in many ways and you can face those things more easily when you let them out. Many people however, can't let the tape stop playing in their head and it becomes a problem - I know some people who will not let go of past hurts and it cripples them and works like poison. All things can become of worth to you if you spend yourself well from this day forth.

  • garybuss

    For me adjusting to being shunned was as simple as me starting to like being shunned. I see lots of ex Witnesses enabling the Witnesses and rewarding the Witnesses for their mean behavior.

    My policy is to make the Witnesses pay for being mean. I shun them. They aren't welcome in my home. I take them out of my will. I advocate to their detriment. They treat me as their enemy. That's how I treat them in return. There is no possibility of reinstatement into my life by a Witness who has disrespected me and anyone important to me. I let them know this.

    My theory is most people who struggle with Witness disrespect are enjoying it on some level.

    To understand something, take it out of context. If another person disrespected you like the Witnesses do, would you accept it and return for more? Would you be sad or mad?

  • restrangled

    Welcome Sibboleth,

    Rant, scream, carry on for as long as you need to. An entire lifetime of lies does not subside in the mind over a matter of days or weeks.

    We are all here and listening......

    looking forward to more from you!


  • MsMcDucket

    Sibboleth, I recommend that you join the YMCA and get on or form a basketball team immediately!

    Welcome to the forum!

  • fullofdoubtnow

    Hi sibboleth, and welcome to the forum

    If you want to rant and rave about the watchtower, this is the place to do it, so feel free. We won't mind, most of us have done it ourselves at some point.

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