Thank you all for your help

by brainfcked 28 Replies latest jw friends

  • brainfcked

    Well, I've been lurking here for a while and decided that today I would introduce myself. I was raised as a JW from the time I was 5 years old. I am now 46 and was DF'd in 1976 or 1977 I can't remember. It is amazing to me that I have always thought they have the truth and that I will be killed off when the big A arrives. Maybe thats why I smoke so much pot and drink myself blind a lot. I have learned so much from this forum and I am sad that I have wasted my whole life thinking that my death "is at the door step". Never went to college, never married (I'm gay) but I did have a long term relationship (17 years) that ended in 1997. I am now single.

    My mom started shunning me about 8 years ago. She had DA'd herself in the early 1990's but the brothers kept calling on her and she went back. She DA'd because she thought it would be better to die with her children in the big A then to live an eternity without them. Now she has "drawn a line in the sand" and won't have anything to do with 4 of her 5 children. She quoted a scripture about loving your children more than Jesus. I am OK with it most of the time but it still bothers me. No, it hurts.

    I never realzed how much I did not know about the JWs until I starting reading here. I spent my entire childhood and teen years in the "religion" and all I got out of it was that the world is going to end soon and all the wicked will be destroyed and the JWs are going to live forever on paradise earth. How pathetic. That's all I got out of it for 11 years. And I've allowed it to ruin my life. How the hell they allowed me to get baptised is beyond me.

    Anyway, thank you all so much for the TRUTH ABOUT THE TRUTH. Maybe I'll get the balls to get myself into some recovery program and see if I can regain any bit of my life that I have left on this planet. Until then....Cheers!


  • Crumpet

    Welcome to the board - it is a bit of an eye opener. Some of the constant new realisations of hust how brainfkd we have been can be a bit startling. But dont let anything set you back now. You might find a lot of the brain numbing tyactics you have been employing are no longer necessary once you come to terms with death not being on the doorstep. I know I have - I am starting a whole new life now, which is way cool!

    Good to have you here!

  • dedpoet

    Hello, and welcome to the forum

    I am happy that you, like many others, have been helped by this site. Keep reading and posting, we are glad to have you here.


  • megsmomma

    Welcome...thanks for introducing yourself. I was the same way. I didn't know WHY I could not go back, even if it meant my death. That was the way I lived for 7 years.....and I was self-destructive too. Then I felt the need to really figure out if the JW's are right...and it took about a week to realise how much of a cult they are....and then many months up till now to sort things out in my head.

    You are in good company!! We know how you feel!

  • Fe2O3Girl

    Hello Brain!

    Welcome to JWD.


  • Confession

    Hey Brain...


    How the hell they allowed me to get baptised is beyond me.

    That one really gets me too. I imagine a bunch of toothy JWs--elders included--studying with a young teenager, telling them how important it is to get baptized now before Satan's system "gets you." So, with incredibly little life experience, you go for it--not fully understanding some of the implications.

    The idea that a child or teen has, at this young age, the ability to determine that an organization MUST be God's sole channel--and that if, after maturing, they decide maybe it isn't what they thought it was, that they must endure vicious denunciation and hateful shunning from their entire family and only community of friends they've ever known for simply following their own honest beliefs or their conscience... Well that's one of the most deceitful and intellectually dishonest things I can think of.

  • jaguarbass

    Hello brainfckd. Hang in there. There is a good life out here, out of the organization.

  • brainfcked

    Hey, thanks all. By the way Confession, I really loved the poem you posted about the shunning.

  • Confession

    Glad you liked it, Brain. Here's another on that reminds me of our situation--and your screen name. It's sung to the tune of the Gilligan's Island theme song.

    Just sit right back and you’ll hear a tale,
    a tale of a fateful trip,
    that started when my grandmother
    found someone on her step.

    He said some words that made her change--
    they fell not on deaf ears.
    It impacted our family
    for more than sixty years,
    for more than sixty years…

    When learning that it was not true
    and that she’d made some gaffes,
    I did not know if I should cry
    or howl with crazy laughs,
    or howl with crazy laughs…

    Well now that I’m the only one
    to figure all this out,
    I’m horrifiiiiiied.
    I’m friggin’ bluuuue.
    My familyyyy
    may soon shun meeee.
    Oh, Grandma Dear?
    If you’d only kept your door shut tight,
    we'd have brains that work riiiiiight!

  • nonamegiven

    Yeah, it's an eye opener for sure! I don't know if I ever really believed so much as wanted to be accepted. I do hope you get some recovery help and get your life back, or maybe get your life for the first time.

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