Advice needed on Crisis of Conscience

by cappytan 37 Replies latest watchtower bible

  • cappytan

    So, some of you may have seen my thread from yesterday about my wife waking up.

    We had further discussion yesterday evening after I sent her the PBS video on the abuse scandals plaguing the Watchtower. She was so furious and pissed off at WT HQ. Apparently a close relative of her's was abused by an elder and the only reason he was reproved and removed as an elder was because he confessed. The elders didn't get the authorities involved and this guy is still going to all the meetings and allowed to go in service and give comments.

    The subject of Ray Franz came up. She was saying the Watchtower couldn't disfellowship you for having the thoughts we're having so long as we didn't cause divisions. I told her that yes, they could and mentioned how Ray Franz was disfellowshipped for just eating with his exJW employer.

    I mentioned casually about how I've read his book and life story. She asked if I had a copy. I said yes and she asked if she could read it.

    I told her I'd be happy to send her the PDF, but gave her fair warning that after reading it I felt like my world was crumbling. So she said, "Well, nevermind, I don't know if I can deal with that right now."

    MY QUESTION: Should I send it to her or not? I don't really know how to approach this. I desperately want her to read it, and she herself asked for the copy, but at the same time I kind of screwed up and made her afraid of the feelings she might experience when reading it. Perhaps send it to her, but tell her she doesn't have to read it if she doesn't want to?

  • Witness My Fury
    Witness My Fury

    Wait until you are face to face and you can judge her mood and reactions better before proceeding would be my advice.

    I may have misunderstood and you are doing this face to face already, in which case leave it a few days or until she brings it up. SLOW is better than fast with this sort of thing it seems.

  • cappytan
    I may have misunderstood and you are doing this face to face already...

    Yeah, this convo took place face to face. I just don't have a hard copy of CoC. I only have the PDF.

  • OneEyedJoe

    I would send it to her via email and tell her you'll let her decide if/when she's ready to read it. That way it'll be sitting there itching at her curiosity and she'll eventually have to read it.

    Take that with a grain of salt, though....I've certainly made no where near the progress with my wife that you've made in such a short time.

    Good luck!

  • cappytan
    I've certainly made no where near the progress with my wife that you've made in such a short time.

    I think I got lucky in that she was having some doubts herself about the organization but she was trying to suppress them and didn't vocalize them at all until I "came out," so-to-speak. I had no clue she was on a similar wave length to me. If you look back to my first posts, I was so afraid to even bring anything up out of fear of losing her.

    She told me that the emotional manipulation techniques at this past Convention is what got her doubting at first. Then the tight pants talk brought all those doubts up again.

  • thedepressedsoul

    The problem with that book is some people can handle it all at once and others it puts them into shock. You have to realize that everything a person believes, values and think is the only way to god comes crashing down in one book.

    While I could handle it, it definitely put me in a funk for a few months after reading it just trying to cope. I could only imagine someone that is more emotional. It also depends how "in" they are at the time of reading.

  • thedepressedsoul

    I think my wife is also starting to show doubts. I know if I initiated the conversation a lot would come out. I don't know if I could do that to her. She has close family, friends and gave up a lot being a JW. I'm currently suppressing it all because I never want to cause my wife harm. I'll be there though when she's ready and realizes everything.

    I have to say, hearing for years and years that your marriage can't last or make it without the organization has had a huge affect on me. It's still in the back of my mind.

  • millie210

    I would say wait.

    She is coming along just fine. Dont do anything that could be construed as pushy even in a passive way.

    She is GOING to ask. There's no doubt about it.

  • OnTheWayOut

    PDF with something of an intro written like the following: "We talked about whether a Witness could be disfellowshipped if they had personal thoughts against the grain but didn't cause divisions. I mentioned Ray Franz' story. Please just read up through chapter 1 (or wherever the details are) to see what I was saying. I am sure you can handle that without getting yourself further upset."

    Virtually anyone who delves into CofC will get hooked and not stop after a chapter.

    Edited to add: Then don't pester her about whether she read it or not.

  • M*A*S*H

    Considering she effectively said 'no'... I would say no, do not send it.

    "Well, nevermind, I don't know if I can deal with that right now."

    IMHO attempting to push her is probably going to have the opposite effect to the one you want anyway.

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