Did being an elder jepordize your own family?

by avidbiblereader 7 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  avidbiblereader

  Do you think being an elder jepordized your own family or do you know of elders who burnt themselves out at the expense of the congregation and let their own families go to the way side? Do you have experiences that this laboring for the congregation has ruined families?

  I tried to be balanced but to do it all, I remember getting up at 2:30 AM before work to work on parts so to have time with my daughter but I feel that I took time that was and should have been devoted to my family that had to be put into the congregation for any reason. Elder meetings after the meetings and other times, working with others instead of my family, shepherding as you are told to do. Just too much demands that are not there and if they are they were meant for an "older man" as the scriptures said.

  abr
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  mimimimi

  Just look at how many elders have to step down because of problems in their family and that will give you your answer. Of course, the other side of that coin is the elders who did not step down, but made their children move out of the family home so they could continue to be elders.
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  littlemike

  I think this is one of the most under stated facts of being an elder as a Jehovahs Witness. I was an elder for 10 years. My wife was pregnant with our third child at the time I was appointed. I at the time obviously beleived I was doing the right thing.

  Wont go into a long story now, but my wife and I have been out for nearly 5 years. Just prior to leaving we nearly split up as we argued for over a year.

  I have eventually realised that in the 10 yrs I was an elder I lost my family. I had three children and was not at home as often as I should have been. My elders job came first and family a very poor second. My wife did everything to support me being an elder. How sad is that. In reality I was not there for my children. I had a full time job and if I wasnt preparing a meeting item on night I would be taking the lead in evening witnessing, shepherding, doing the secretarys job etc, etc. It was like a second full time job which in my case caused a nervous breakdown in 1995. Unfortunately it took me to 2002 to leave after doing all the research.

  I am now totally amazed at:

  1. Most Witness marriages surviving at all.

  2. ANY elder marriages surviving. The wife just gives up her husban to the organisation.

  So the answer is YES and the number of elder who left or got disfellowshipped or split up from their wife is 100% proof of that fact.
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  OnTheWayOut

  You know how absence makes the heart grow fonder?

  Many wives and children miss Dad because he's on the road, overseas,
  or in judicial committee.

  Families sacrifice Dad to the alter of WTS, but they know he will be there
  eventually for awhile. They might actually have a better relationship with him
  because he's gone so much.

  Eldering rarely interferred with being a husband, in my case.
  Sometimes, (okay- Often) I had to take a separate car and stay late.
  The wife was warm and welcoming when I did get home.
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  becca1

  As an elders chid I can say that I was most certainly neglected. I played "second fiddle" (at best) to the kingdom all my life. I never felt that I matterd as much as the brothers Dad was helping or the assignemts he took on. And my mom was even worse. Her Bible students got alot more from her than I ever did.
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  truthsetsonefree

  I for one can answer a big YES to that question. In fact wanting more time with my kid was one of the things that pushed me out.

  tsof
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  vitty

  Its not just elders, my husband was an MS had was "delegated" more than his fair share of duties. He also had quite a demanding job. It caused a lot of pressure in our family, even more so when he stood down, because of the way he was treated by the elders
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  sass_my_frass

  Some elderettes seem to love it (and I'll bet that those are the ones who would only leave WBTS if there was nobody left for them to be top dog over). I pity those with honest intentions though, because they seem to be the ones who get burned out. They actually do put their all into it and the sacrifice doesn't pay off for them.