Hello..need help...I'm on the brink of :(

by crazito 21 Replies latest jw friends

  • crazito

    Short story:

    Never had a real religious formation until I met the witness in my teenage years.

    Not everything has been bad but most of my friends there and exwife have been cheaters, liars and hypocrites...

    I called it quits this year as I could no longer swallow their truth. I remarried a supposedly "christian" 23 yr old woman that has shown me how bad things are 'out here'...

    Regarding her i have a question... those of you that continue to uphold bible's principles and love for our dear creator please advise on the following situation:

    Met her online just before da'd myself. We married four months later and only one day after meeting in person...

    I found out she married me to get away from her poor country and from a longtime worthless exboyfriend that lives in a nearby island and that never could put his act together.

    Three months into the marriage she ran away back to her home country "emotionally' supported by this exbf. Three months later started looking for me once again apologizing for her immaturity and realizing what she already knew about this man. I decide to visit her last month and we had a nice reconciliation getaway. We both intimately renewed our vows but this only lasted for a week or so. This past three weeks or so she became uncooperative once again. She has taken the stand once again (as she did the first time) that she needs time "alone", etc, etc. But just like the first time when she left, I caught her once again chatting with that individual...

    I know i should have some dignity and some of my jw friends tell me I should just divorce her and not worry about having scriptural grounds to do so as im no longer tied with the watchtower.

    That is the issue. Although it was an erroneous marriage to begin with, what's done is done and I feel totally accountable to God (not the watch) to now make this marriage work... to me this is like a teenage girl becoming pregnant out of wedlock and taking responsiblity for her baby as it is still sacred regardless of how it was conceived...

    If anyone can help on this i would appreciate...

    and i just don't know what's worse...if the "world" or them jw's....

    I mean it seems that there is really no one out there to trust any longer, including family, etc.

    well...i feel at times that if i have to live among liars at least i should do it among the ones i know...this sucks

  • Scully

    You deserve better treatment than what she is giving you.

    The elders will consider a divorce "scriptural" by reason of her going back to the ex-boyfriend.

    Get it over with: divorce her and find someone who won't use you the way she is doing.

    In the interim, don't get married again until you really know the other person. One face-to-face meeting after chatting online for a few months doesn't qualify. Take some time to get to know people in person before you jump into a relationship with them.

  • SirNose586

    She is sending very clear signals that she has no intention of making the marriage work. Fixing it can only work if both parties want to fix the situation. Even though your intentions are quite admirable, they are ultimately a waste of time because your wife is more interested in hanging around this exBF. You are welcome to try and salvage your marriage, but ask yourself, "Is the emotional investment spent in trying to save my marriage going to yield a different result than the last time?"

    A little country wisdom fits well here: "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."

    You know what to do. Get an attorney and see what your options are.

  • crazito

    thank you scully :)

    although technically it seems she hasn't been with this guy yet (he's broke to pay airline ticket to go see her) so that's my dilemma...sort of limbo...

  • OnTheWayOut

    You said:

    although technically it seems she hasn't been with this guy yet
    (he's broke to pay airline ticket to go see her) so that's my dilemma...sort of limbo...

    If she went back to him the first time, whether you forgave her or not, then tried to go
    to him again, then feel free to divorce her. She wants to have him, even if she knows
    it is a bad idea. The problem will surface again in the future after you think everything
    is worked out.

    As stated above, get to know someone better next time. I am a firm believer in making
    all efforts to work things out, but SHE WON'T. She is not ready to stay married.

  • kwintestal

    If she hasn't cheated on you physically she has emotionally. Doesn't the bible say something about thinking something is the same as doing it?

    It sounds like an unhealthy relationship from the start. I'd try to get the marriage anulled at least that way you were never technically married in the first place.


  • MsMcDucket

    Sounds like she loves the roughneck kind of guy, and you're not one of them. So, you better cut the cord!

  • UpAndAtom

    My short answer is, "Leave her no matter how good looking she is".

  • Justahuman24

    I suggest you leave her because she obviously wants to be with this guy and has tried to see him twice and succeeded once. If she had the means to go see him, she'd probably go and see him and you have no idea what they'd do ( probably have sex or what not).

    Also, think of the consequences. If this ex of her is a low life good-for-nothing like you said, then he's probably just interested iny our "wife" for sex which I'm sure he also gets from other women and you have no idea what disease your wife might get if she ever has sex with her ex again which she disease she could pass on to you if you have sex with your "wife". Dump her and find someone better. There are lots of women out there who are committed and willing to be a one man's woman.

    justahuman - but super nonetheless

  • ocsrf

    Dear C.

    You said you think that there is no one to trust. Keep in mind you married a woman you met online from a poor country that you hardly knew and married her after only one day. This is hardly a formula for finding the love of your life who you can trust. There are plenty of nice women who do not have mates, why not, try meeting one of them, get to know them and than ask for their hand in marriage. As far as your current situation, sounds like you might already have grounds for scriptualy divorce.


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