One thing I know from being a witness and seeing the pattern re-enacted and described here again and again by posters with regards to their families-many DO kind of emotionally blackmail, give ultimatums. Not knowingly, not consciously in many instances, but really giving the other person no choice in how they respond if they want to maintain a relationship. So your husband may have a point UP TO A POINT. At some point, he needs to take responsibility for what he has done. Men do not become MS because their wives forced them to take a study, go to meetings, get baptised, get appointed a MS with the 'priveleges'. When does he grow up and take his own resp.?
But say you can agree that you did put pressure on him, he needs to acknowledge that he did not respond in the way befitting a partner(with equal family resp.) by knowtowing to it. So what? Its over now, you are out. What do you do with it now? How can you both learn from your mutual mistakes? He may not need to be making any speeches to the kids, but he and you both need to be ears, shoulders, whatever your kids need from you now. They need you to stick together mostly, and to walk on the same path out of that mess.