Having a hard time with this, what to do, what to do

by nonamegiven 30 Replies latest jw experiences

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  nonamegiven

  For those who don't know my story (look up past posts, I posted it) here's the cliff's notes.

  I was DF'd about 10 weeks ago for things other than apostacy. I plan in being reinstated to keep communication with my family (wife and I were raised in the........tr......tru.........truth) so I am still going to the meetings.

  Well, for any that don't know my wife had a baby Thursday WOO-HOO! Anyway, the cong we are in is actually fairly loving and it's quite a shock to me since it's very different from what I have experienced for the last 30+ years. So here's the deal. Now that the baby is here for folks (I don't use the term friends in reference to them, even to my wife, subtle tactics for sure haha) at the hall want to stop by to see the little man. A lady (again, no sister of mine) stopped by, said hi to my wife, 3 kids and my freakin dog but didn't even acknowledge my existance. That was hard to be shunned in my own home. Now that really pissed me off. After this week the folks at the hall will be bringing meals over for the family for the next 2 weeks. I hate being treated as sub-human at the hall and I don't know how I will handle being treated like this at my own house. I want to call the PO and tell him I'd rather not have these meals provided for us but I know my wife wants/needs the fellowship of these people.

  I can keep myself busy with work in the garage or basement till they leave but why the he!! should I have to hide from these people in my own house!?!? Should I just grow up, and deal with this situation for now for the sake of my wife or buck the system?

  On a side note, I am beginning to wonder if I can keep this charade up and keep walking the walk of shame for soo many more months tilll I get reinstated. It's getting harder and harder every meeting. Is this what true worship is all about?
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  xjwms

  How long do you think it will be be before you are renstated?

  In my area, it takes over a year.

  How much time are you prepared for?

  .
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  BlackSwan of Memphis

  As I said to someone else here:

  The question is how long can You keep this up? How long can you live a life that isn't true to who you are?

  You said yourself it's getting harder and harder with every meeting.

  Now, picture one more year down the road, two years, three etc.

  I think it's possible to do. I think it means finding within yourself a certain peace of mind.

  edited to add: I was thinking along the lines of, yes you can keep this up til you're reinstated, but what happens after that?
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  avidbiblereader

  Noneamegiven, sorry to hear your story too, it is no different than what tens of thousands of witnesses have and continue to experience. but to answer your question is this what true worship is about, NO. The only account of DFing is in 1 cor ch 5 the reinstatement as they want to call it is in 2 cor ch 2. Read the context of each, first and foremost they were both written in the same year, there goes the one year theory that they cling to. Nothing about meeting attendance being the tale tale sign of repentance, there goes that theory, you cannot be DF'd for meeting attendance, at least not yet. Not everyone went along with the descision, there goes that theory that everyone should shun you or else they recieved the same treatment, there goes that theory. No letter begging to come back in, there goes that theory. The congregation was to come to him and confer their love on him when they seen that he was repentant, repentance is shown by stopping the particular action that you were doing, if you have stopped whatever they DF'd you for, there goes that theory. I as a Bible reader will not dispute shunning from the Bible but only in the context of what is the purpose of doing so, to keep the congr uncontaminated, but only if the cong is uncontaminated to begin with. There is just too much evidence to prove that what goes on in the witness org, they are not the pillars of truth they claim to be. I was reading Rom 16:17-20 this morning and taking the Bible for what it is, people should be shunning them as they preach a different gospel than the first century which is belief in Christ to take away our sins and the simplistic message of God's Word not the legalistic religion and THEOCRATIC ARRANGEMENT OR ORGANIZATIONAL ARRANGEMENT that is always spoken of, turning people to the Org, what about turning them to the one who is responsible for our lives, CHRIST. PERIOD.
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  serendipity

  If you've made the decision to attempt reinstatement, just play by their rules for now. You'll win in the end.
  
  As far as being shunned in your own house, just don't think about it in those terms. You are freed from the social obligation of making conversation and your wife gets company and free meals out of it. Sounds like a good deal to me.
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  Junction-Guy

  Well even if you are reinstated, would you want to give up your freedom now? You could very well be disfellowshipped down the road. Just think, everything you do will be watched over by the elders. Is your family currently shunning you? or is it just the so called "friends" at the hall? If your family arent shunning you, then dont go back, you now have it made. A whole new world of opportunity has just opened up for you, you can now do and participate in things that some JW's can only dream of. Good luck with whatever you decide.-----Dave
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  nonamegiven

  To answer some questions, I thought I was prepared for a year of this crap. Now I'm not sure if I can do a year. I do know that if it were to go longer than a year I will not make it and I'll be full apostate for sure. I was thinking about begging reinstatment in a few weeks just to see what happens.

  Avid, thanks for that info. I knew there was very little if any evidence in the bible about DF'ing and now that I have it I can add it to my database of info I'll use later.

  Another reason I'm not sure if I can do this is that I fear my wife will find out about my findings and will label me apostate and maybe even turn me in to the borganization.

  Man, I don't know, my head is just spinning right now.
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  Emma

  If you're determined to be reinstated, you have to go along with this. Of course there's no scriptural precedent. But just think of the points you'll earn showing your humility...

  I'm sure your wife appreciates the help. And from what I read on this site, it is unusual for a congregation to be this helpful.
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  OnTheWayOut

  It's all on you, man. I said before that I don't think I could get reinstated if they DF me.
  I put up with the meetings for the sake of my wife, but people talk to me. I could sit
  there during the meeting and leave right at the end if they gave me the silent treatment,
  but I could have a problem enduring the elders process of reinstatement.

  If you can tolerate everything else, and you are sure you want to get reinstated,
  (I agree with that decision, just don't know if I could do it) then allow your wife the
  visits and the meals. Tell her how you feel and make it an excuse to not be there or at least
  to be off in the garage. You can use this as a measure of freedom.
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  Virgochik

  No offense, but why would your wife allow people to come in your house and treat her husband like that? Doesn't the rudeness bother her at all? I mean, this is her husband !

  So they bring food over...where is your pride? For a casserole, which you could no doubt make or buy yourself, you allow these bad-mannered people to traipse around your living room and diss you?

  Sorry, I know you want to please your wife and family. But this may just be the beginning of years of misery, even if you fake it back in to Jehoopla's the spirit directed elders' good graces. Have you made Ministerial Servant or elder yet? They'll want that next, and so much more.