by nonamegiven 30 Replies latest jw experiences
I'll be telling anyone who would dare attempt to follow watchtower nonsense at my home is this. "Leave your watchtower bullshit for the toilet at the kingdom hall where it belongs, or get off my goddamn property". I wouldn't care who it was.
We have a few residual watchtower drones who do stop by periodically. They wouldn't dare treat me with any disrespect, if they did, they'd be sorry they did.
Dismembered
Wow! This is a problem I've delt with for 13 years. I will admit that most of the JW's in my wifes cong. are nice people and don't shun me like they should. There are a few two being one of my nieces and her husband, that are very rude. When we first moved into this house my wife had a large group over, (This is before most of them even knew me, they just knew I was df'ed). I was working nights and came home at around 11:00 pm. I went into my bedroom so as not to distrube them. Well they start to leave and my wife got upset with me for comming home! A few monts later she has a gruop over again(she is a social Butterfly) and this time as I walk in one of them says to me "Why are you here?". Now I will give people a lot of leeway but I will not tollerate rudness or meanness. I just looked at this person and said "I live here-Deal with it!" And yes I was the bad guy but that person has never spoken to me again so that's fine.
Finally I told my wife "If my house, my food, my wine, are good enough for your friends, yet my presence or even my existance offends them, then they are not welcome here. Ny neice does not like me because when her husbane and her first started 'dating" she was 16 and he was late 20's early 30's. He was useing my boys, who were also 16 at the time, to arrange meetings. I called them on it and told him to back off. I then informed my SIL and her husband and my wife that this twice divorced man was trying to get with their 16 year old daughter. I was told "Oh no he is such a spritual brother and loves Jah too much to do that." Well I said the day she turns 17 they will be engaged. Again his superior sprituality was brought up. Well I was right, almost to the day. Well then when it was found out my SIL and her husband wanted to berak them up but the elders steped in and said - Guess what? 'He is shcu a spritual brother that they should be happy to have him for a son in law. Well from the earliest days in his pursuit of her they both started treating me hatefully. After about the third time they acted this way to me in my owu house I told my wife that when it happens again I will throw them out of my house. I explained that I was not going to politely ask them to leave rather I will grab him by the neck and by his belt and literally throw him into the street.
The funny part is that her mother and father vowed to never speak to either of them again if they got married because they did not approve. My wife even admitts that I was the reason that they changed them on this. They were not even going to the wedding (which I was not invited to). I just explained that first of all she is still their daughter. Second this never speaking to someone because they don't agree with you or do what you say, is childish, hateful, not Christlike and not biblical. (Yes I used the opportunity to make a few jabs.) It worked, they went to the wedding, and they have a relationship. And yes my neice and the wonderfuly spritual brother are not doing well as he can't keep a job, and he is still and ass.
Presonally I would not try for reinstatement as i don't like being mean to people and that is my biggest complaint about JW's, they are taught to be mean.
Virgochik you ask a great question and I have ask my wife the same. I told her if my friends said that they wanted to hang out but they did not want my wife around then they would not be my friends. Then I said but it is just the opposite with you, you love to exclude me from your life. So I guess that unconditional love thing only counts if it benifits you. She had no clue what I meant!
LOL
It's your house...why should you have to hide in the garage when they show up?
Even if I was trying to play nice in order to try to get reinstated later, I don't think I'd let anyone come in my house and in effect run me out. If they want to see the baby, they want to bring food, want to visit, fine, c'mon over...but when they become uncomfortable in my presence then it's time for them to leave.
Not that I'd go out of my way to be an ass about it, but if they're gonna be bold enough to come into my house, then they're gonna have to deal with the possibilities that I'm going to be there and they'll have to interact with me one way or another.
I wouldn't think that its the responsibiltiy of the DFd one to avoid active JWs but the JWs duty to avoid DFd ones, especially in the DFd ones house.
OTOH, I've known DFd family members who agreed to clear out so JW children could have other JW children over for fun and not have to worry about encountering a DFd person. I think a little reasonableness can go along way. If they show up unannounced or just to drop something off, then you could act as if they were anyone else and let them deal with the ramifications. If they try to plan ahead to visit your wife for fellowship, say a "girl's night" or something at your house, then it would be the decent thing to do to plan on not being around so she can enjoy their company.
While I'm not DF'd or DA'd, my wife knows I'll not put up with any of that WT inspired bullshit. She's already been put on notice that if her "friends" come over our house that they'd better be in "guest" mode and not that WT righteousness expect me to run and hide mode. In my home, I have no compunction about if I perceive someone to be acting like an asshole or disrespecting me in any way on throwing them out of my house. My wife has seen me in action on this point....it's a scene I know she doesn't want played out in front of her "friends". I pay all the bills, so if they don't like it, they'd better either get the hell our or get with the F&^%ing program.
The "Love fauset" will NOT be turned back on until you became the "Stepford" Jehovah witness again.............Then you will be loved!
Or as they say "The beatings WILL continue............ until morale improves"
My heart goes out to you my friend.
Nb
The flip side of this story could be that they "the friends" could've chosen not to support your wife at this time - knowing that supporting her was also supporting you. I mean, they're not brining over single-serving size dishes I assume. I know many witnesses who wouldn't dare step foot in your house - whether it was to help your wife or not. None of that condones their rudeness and that's shameful, but not surprising.
Anyway, the cong we are in is actually fairly loving
Add........"as long as I completely conceal the thoughts of my mind"
but I know my wife wants/needs the fellowship of these people
is she married to you ? it doesn't sound like it...........it seems that you come in second, or third
Should I just grow up, and deal with this situation for now for the sake of my wife or buck the system
I'd be thinking about that baby
Make them feel uncomfortable not you! Don't leave the room, be polite not hostile.
Greet them with a hello, you don't have to say anything else.
They are the ones who will go away feeling like something just doesn't add up with the whole disphellowshipping arrangement!
I am sorry, you have a sad situation. I am with the person that told you you have every right to expect decency and respect in your own home. If your wife gives you dirty looks, remind her that she is your wife, and your kids and her are your own special blessing to love, shelter and support. The JWS should not be coming into the home of her childrens father and disrespecting him or show him to not be honored in his own home. THAT is unbiblical, and it is rude of them. If they can't sit to eat with you, why do they eat your food at your table under your roof WITH your wife? Thats just messed up and hypocritical. And very very wrong message to give those beautiful children.
Shelly (PS, my non-JW father gave me the best example and proof that a non-JW could be decent, loving, and kind. Never let the WT lie become truth to your kids. Be the 'good guy' in this situation, but don't let the borg 'put you in your place'. EVER.
I thought about this, and thought about this.
I would find something to do if one of my kids was having a party or something like that. If I was married and the guys were coming over to watch football, I would make an exit.
I would not be shun in my own home. It would be bad enough, to be humiliated out of my home.
I would answer the door, offer to take the food to the kitchen, be cordial. If that makes them feel uncomfortable, then I would not care if they came over or not. Anyone would have to understand that. If they really want to bring food.....and it's from their heart, they should not take offense and continue to help your wife as a real "christian" would.
This may cause an arguement with your wife, but I just would not be run over in my own home. I work hard to make it my haven and I protect it fiercely(sp) I could not endure that kind of stress at my house.
purps
