divorce question

by depressed 47 Replies latest jw experiences

  • anewme

    Dear Depressed, your blog and its contents sound very much like my own rantings five years ago.
    It is a total mess of emotions and resentment and anger and confusion.

    Listen hon, drop the blog and turn your back on this heartache.

    There is nothing more there for you.

    Your husband leaving you is not all about you. He is having personal problems.

    You need to take care of YOU right now. This poking the festering wound is not helping.

    But you definitely need to talk with someone. You need to get alot of frustration off your chest.
    You are very sad and hurt and confused. Can you talk with a counselor?
    Do you still have parents? A sister? A brother?

    Have you seen a doctor?

    I have been down your road of frustration and tears. It is very well paved on this forum.

    Feel free to privately pm me if you need to.

    I had to cut all ties with the past in order to move on in my life. I started over at 50 years old.
    No kids, no career, no job, no home, no parents, no church, no friends. I left with two dogs and a car which I soon drove into a tree.

    You are definitely in a pit and there is no way out but UP!

    Take care,


  • sammielee24

    I agree totally with Anewme....it's time to put it all away and move on - sever the ties completely. What I've learned over my many years though, is that it isn't about the 'other' woman - it's about your husband. To demean her in any way is only demeaning to you. Seldom does this sort of stuff just happen out of the blue - often men and women who 'appear' to support their spouses and then act out in an opposite direction - do so because they can't or don't know how to be honest with themselves and the relationship. It matters not what the other person looks like - if she is meeting some need of his, then that will draw him to her. It is all about him - he could leave, he could stay and he chose to tell you stories along the way. Recognize those stories for what they are and from the person they are coming from. There are also times that all of us wear blinders either by choice or by inability, so when our significant other quits the relationship, we blame it on something else when in fact the issues have been there all along and we just didn't see them. sammieswife.

  • avidbiblereader

    WOW, in reading your post it sounded like my case all over again. Except I was attending meetings up until my ex left me and my 16 year old daughter. Her father was likewise the PO, whole family witnesses, I disagree with your statement here that they were all very "spiritual", I prefer to use the term very organizational, a spiritural person doesn't do what they do. To answer your question why would they treat you in such a way? Take a look at the Bible example, I may be wrong but I believe the only persons who ever stood up against family in the Bible and chose to follow the course of right in the face of family, was Korah's sons. Even King David chose Absolom over what is right. 2nd Samuel 19:1-7 says

    1 Later it was reported to Jo´ab: “Look! The king is weeping, and he carries on mourning over Ab´sa·lom.” 2 So the salvation on that day came to be an occasion of mourning on the part of all the people, because the people heard say on that day: “The king has felt hurt over his son.” 3 And the people began to steal away on that day to come into the city, just as the people would steal away when they felt disgraced because they fled in the battle. 4 And the king himself covered up his face, and the king continued crying out with a loud voice: “My son Ab´sa·lom! Ab´sa·lom my son, my son!”

    5 Finally Jo´ab came in to the king at the house and said: “You have today put to shame the face of all your servants, the ones providing escape for your soul today and for the soul of your sons and your daughters and the soul of your wives and the soul of your concubines, 6 by loving those hating you and by hating those loving you; for you have reported today that chiefs and servants are nothing to you, because I well know today that if only Ab´sa·lom were alive and all of us others were today dead, why, in that case it would be right in your eyes. 7 And now rise up, go out and speak straight to the heart of your servants, because, by Jehovah, I do swear that, in case you are not going out, not a man will lodge with you tonight; and this will certainly be worse for you than all the injury that has come upon you from your youth until now.”

    As the scriptures says "Don't mock me, you will reap what you have sown".

    That is why Christ said we must love him more than our families. My ex's family did the same, she filed for the divorce, changed her name in the first week, refused any contact with me even for financial matters, she was exonerated, my daughter and I were DF'd, eight months later when I moved on with my life with my present wife. They THINK they got away with it but the scriptures will bear different in the end. I now feel sorry for all of them, I pray that Jah forgives them and blesses them. I thanks Jah for getting me out of the situation and seeing the light and I now have a wife who does love me. Don't feel bad, you cannot change what you cannot change, and people is something that you cannot change. Embrace a new relationship with Jah and realize that people, an org of people did this, not God, he hates the divorce. Imagine how he feels, your ex divorced Him also, and he truly didn't do anything wrong. Take courage in the words of Is 41:10,13 10

    Don’t be afraid, for I am with you.
    Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you.
    I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.

    13 For I hold you by your right hand—
    I, the L ord your God.
    And I say to you,
    ‘Don’t be afraid. I am here to help you.


  • depressed

    thanks Avid,

    What excuse did your wife use to file for divorce? Aren't there only 2 reasons for a divorce? Adultery and death?

    I'm still wondering what excuse my husband told his parents to not only divorce me, but finance the divorce. They are also shunning me.

    The injustice still torments me. He was the one who had the affair!

  • avidbiblereader

    Got me on a man made law found only in the pages of WT land, I was scripturally endangering her. When I called to the Society after she left and as I was going through it, they gave me a person at their help desk. I imagine that these are their elite debaters on variuos subjects. in my 15 minute converstion with him before I finally hung up. I used the Bible for my questions and validity, he never used the Bible once and only man made lit as his responses. I eventually took the phone as he was speaking and just took it away from my ear and just stared at in amazment and thought to myself, there must be a person who is sitting up there who has a string in his chest that you keep pulling out to hear the next thing that they have to say like a doll. I knew there were plenty of issues that I couldn't agree on, but to hear this worldly wisdom and not the Bible being used. I knew that it was time to leave this man made org.

    And the audacity to think they are the center of true worship today.

  • avidbiblereader

    Oh by the way, my ex cheated on my 5 years into our marriage and was acting the same way three weeks prior to her leaving and I asked her, Are you cheating on me again, she wouldn't respond, so I asked again, she said" How could I ever do that to Jehovah"? I said "funny that is the exact words you used 15 years ago when you were cheating on me".

    She never responded a word and packed up and ran to her salvation and security, the family. So it should not surprise you of who is guilty and there actions, in my 45 years of living, I have seen many times, those pointing the finger are many times the perpertrators of what they are blaming others for. Take courage God knows all things.

  • jgnat

    All your additional information only confirms my original advice:

    Me: Stop the blog. Block the blog. File it away in a CD in the back of your closet. First of all, you are feeding your ex's lawyer all the ammunition he needs to bury you. Don't bare your soul while in the middle of litigation. Second, as long as you obsess over your injustice, you cannot heal.

    Yes, it is unjust, but you have to move past it. They are the ones having trouble sleeping at night.

  • depressed

    Based on what I'm reading here, I guess that the father is financing the divorce because he believes that I am a scriptural danger to his son. That must certainly be the reason. So this PO guy, would rather have me lie on the witness stand (as I had to do for the State) and say that my husband did xyz to me, so as long as the son is free to remarry, and be "spiritually salvaged". Well, why can't I be spiritually salvaged with him?? Why throw me away like yesterday's newspaper, and not work towards making the ENTIRE family "spiritual" instead of only the son???

    I didn't want a divorce.

    I didn't do anything to merit one.

    I realize that God hates a divorce.

    God, they are such hipocrites!!

  • itsallgoodnow

    wow that was one hell of a blog to send to his co-workers.

    first of all, you are directing most of your anger at the other woman. It seems like you have been made to feel at least a little unsure of your own worth and it comes off as very insecure. I can't imagine how the gay co-worker might have been made to feel about those comments. That was needlessly mean to include in the blog.

    I'm sorry to be so out there with it, though. I don't really know the situation, but I can understand the pain you are in and I know people do things they wouldn't ordinarily do when they are under a lot of stress or in a lot of pain.

    So his family is rallying behind him. That shouldn't surprise you. In fact, it should make you feel validated in all the reasons why you left the organization. They are obviously full of crap. If they were really close to you all these years or if you don't have any family of your own, I would understand why their treatment of you would be so hard to take. It's hard when family turns on you. It hurts worse than when anyone else does it. But it's his family. Don't take any of it personally. I know that's easier said than done, but in this case I would say, walk away and don't think about it anymore. Move on and don't let it make you bitter. Eventually, you are going to forget all about them and not care anyway, so don't waste any more time on them.

    Good luck!

  • depressed

    well, this whole thing happened back in March. I had moved the blog so that no one from his job can read it.

    In time, I changed the blog, and spoke about my sadness, anger, and made fun of the other woman along the way. She tried to get my husband's lawyer to sue me, but she did not succeed.

    The only dummies logging into the blog are my stbx husband himself, his "worldly" mistress, his PO dad, his pioneer mom, and his DF sister. The divorce is currently being finalized and they are still peeping toms.

    My brother, who's DA, told them off online. He told the father to go give a bible study instead of looking into the Internet, the "devil's gateway".

    Anyway, this whole thing is upsetting. I guess that I just have to get over it...

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