Lost and looking for answers

by LynnTink 32 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • freedomloverr


    what an introduction and story. welcome, welcome, welcome. you are among people who understand what you've been through.

    I don't have any new *belief system* to offer you. I have come to feel there are no perfect little neat answers to life and it's vast wonders.

    I can offer you a hug and love. tell you that you are not alone.

    your restlessness and searching are a gift. they will bring you peace and clarity eventually. sit and breathe and look within and you'll find your answers.

    I'm so glad you are here.

    love - freedomlover

  • liquidsky

    Welcome Lynn,

    It's normal to feel lost and look for another belief syste after leaving the JW's. Most of here have gone through the same thing.

    My advice to you is to just 'be' for a while. Enjoy life, yourself, your children, and just being free.


  • truthsearcher

    Hi Lynn: Welcome to the board and thank you for sharing your story. It is uniquely yours but is one of a number of stories of people who have been needlessly hurt by wickedness in the Organization.

    Since you still love God, you might enjoy just reading the Bible without the WT spin on everything. It is a totally different book when you can read it plainly without confusing and conflicting explanations. Many have found different versions to be refreshing, since the NWT is full of deliberate distortions to support WT doctrine. (If you have a KIT, you can see these by reading the left side where the Greek text is translated.) The Salvation Army thrift shop in our area gives Bibles away for free and I have found several in excellent condition. I personally enjoy the New King James version--I find it easy to understand, but it still maintains a poetic feel and flow to the language. Other people prefer other versions but that is the one that I use regularly.

    I wish you all the best in this journey that you are on.


  • XU

    LynnTink, Good lord. You have been through some horrible times. I can totally relate to how you think you could have done just fine never knowing what a JW was. Have you ever been to counseling? You have had your boundaries so disregarded in every way imaginable. You probably don't even know you have them. (ha ha) Pretty much you will find that we are all out here living our lives, trying to figure it out, but no one is going to tell you what to do or have faith in. Like you said, you don't want someone controlling you anymore, so you are the one responsible for putting your beliefs in order for yourself. No one has the right to tell you that you are wrong either. It's scary not knowing how to trust yourself or feel unable to make up your own mind about everything in life. But that's what it is, and you are here, so welcome and just journey with us for awhile.

  • jgnat
    I have lost faith in everything....I love God and all his beautiful creations around us....I need some kind of beleif system or faith in something.

    OH YES, you DO have faith. It's just not pre-packaged or certain. I don't say this for many folks, but maybe it would help to read a few devotional books. When you read them, keep your internal dialogue going, "Yes, that is me!", or "No, that's a load of bullfeathers." By bouncing your certain beliefs against those of others, I think you will develop a greater appreciation for your very personal faith. Whatever you do, don't put your faith in the hands of any man again.


  • becca1

    Welcome Lynn. Your experience is very moving. You have been through more than most of us. Take each day as a gift and revel in being able to start over again. So many that are still "in" are living tortured lives trying in vain to do all the things the Society "sugests" and never being able to get it all just right. You are free now, enjoy the rest of your life!

  • Wasanelder Once
    Wasanelder Once

    Lynn, sometimes I think we look like salmon swimming upstream. They have chunks out of them from all they've been through, but they swim on. You certainly have had your share of cuts and bruises, perhaps more than your share. Still you are able to see the beauty of the world, good for you. I think you have a faith right there. I won't tell you what to believe. I will say that I believe you will come to terms with it and find it for yourself. WIll it reveal itself to you? Let us know.

    Isn't it amazing that something so wonderful as your two sons can come from such unendurable circumstances? The human spirit fights to survive and I applaud yours. Keep trying and laugh when you can. Heaven knows you've done the crying.

    Imagining your smile as you look on your boys sleeping at the end of an active day will make me sleep better as well. I can just see the satisfaction in your eyes. Congrats on surviving. Speak your mind as you see fit and never be bashful.

    We are here too.


  • bernadette

    Hi Lynn


    I don't want to be controlled and told what to do anymore.

    I too am fading and wholheartedly feel the above like you.

    The wonders of creation are very comforting and relaxing. Take your time and enjoy your freedom.



  • jwfacts

    Wow, that is a very moving experience. Most of us have left well into our 30s or later, so can fully sympathise with how daunting moving on at such a late age is. But it is great to finally be free of the manipulation and true to yourself.

    One important step is to clear from your mind all the dishonest Watchtower propoganda and teachings, otherwise you will be plagued with the thought, 'what if they are true'. At jwfacts.com there is a lot of research showing how incredibly false much of what the Watchtower contains is, and how they manage to get people to believe it is the only true religion. There is also an article at http://jwfacts.com/index_files/where.htm that discusses how people move on and where to. The answer is that there is no single correct destination; once you free your mind you will find what is right for you.

  • FuzzyPaul

    Dear Lynntink,

    Welcome. Your experiences are so common that they could be considered typical aspects of life in the Watchtower cult. I had great trouble breaking out. I am 48 and it took 15 years from my first really big disillusionment. I always smelled a rat in their teachings and leaders. I have been attending non-denominational Christian churchs for 3 months now and am so relieved and feel happy when I leave. I never remember feeling happy when leaving the K.Hall except to be going home or out to eat.

    You are OK. You have been through great troubles and it is usual to act or think abnormally in an abnormal situation. Your situation qualifies as abnormal, yes? It will take time but you will need a support system and a community now. Consider seriously how useless continued WT involvement will be to you. Do you really think GOD's people would act such as you describe? Even 5% of what you tell of is intolerable if a "True Religion" were at fault.

    I wrote a letter and mailed to ex K.Halls copies listing reasons why I was disgusted with the WT such as their CHILD SEX ABUSE scandals, their JOINING the United Nations, that CT Russell was a 33rd degree Free-Mason and filled the WT with Masonic symbols, phrases, and Egyptian pagan religion. He even has a pyramid exactly like the one pictured on the back of the US one dollar bill for his cemetary monument and it says Watchtower... on it. Those are some of my reasons. I googled "Watchtower Scandal" and got very upset and angry at the WT and learned of more WT uglyness from Raymond Franz and his friend's books. If the charges and allegations against the WT weren't true they could and would suit for libel. They file law suits all the time against dissidents and victims of their abuse even suiting for court costs and legal fees from victims of childhood sexual abuse who lose suits against them.

    I owe them no explanations. I do not answer to them just as they don't answer to me. I do not play by or use their rules even for how I should resign. I avoid all WT phrases, slogans, and dismiss all the mind chatter that they ingrained in me to hear in my mind. I won't even call them JWs since they stole the name. YHVH chooses his witnesses, one does not decide to be one. I threw out my New World Translation. It is corrupt. I discerned that from using the Kingdom Interlinear for years. There is no "New World" in scripture. There is a Masonic "New World Order"

    Babylon the Great is what the WT says it isn't in the opening chapters of the B the G book. It is the big business, military industrial empire. The false prophet is the News and media companies that have most of the US media controlled by 5 corporations. Armageddon is a place. Maggadon is a town on the west shore of the Sea of Galilee and was called Magdala in Jesus time. It is where Mary Magdalene was from. Har means mountain and there are big mountains on the west shores of the Sea of Galilee. The whole Megiddo and plains of Estraelon thing is centuries old error. Martyr means a witness. Period. Suffering or dying for one's faith, or persecution is not martyrdom in the Greek of the Christain part of the Bible. Did the WT ever tell you that you were literally a "Jehovah's Martyr"? What martyr and martyring ... meant to a 1st century Greek reader has nothing to do with the current English definition. The JW should know that in and out since "witness" = "martyr" and a JMs are what the WT claimed to be training and directing.

    Those are a few of my intellectual reasons. The intolerable epidemic of heavy handedness by WT leaders crushed all the love of them out of me. I don't need any more reasons although I still read and write them. Psycholgists term that "pressure of speech" which is a typical post traumatic experience symptom. Psychology is not a Satanic conspiracy. Neither is College or University. Or little league. Or school plays. Or band, orchestra or cheer leading. Or listening to Jazz. Or the animal names of pro football teams. Reasonableness always applies of course. But the WT condemned every thing no matter how little they could find to speak against. They isolated us as just another level of control and to make us fear to leave. ONE HAS NO COMMUNITY outside of the WT if one follows their directions. Jesus did not demand or imply cloistering ourselves.

    You need other people who will help you up and help you out. Don't be afraid any more. Anxiety can't change any bad situation.

    Pray and imagine a Non-Watchtower, biblical GOD and his son Jesus hearing and helping. THEY are real. GOD can guide you personally and directly, listen to him. Discern when.

    Much love and hope for your recovery, but leaving the WT is the only course and I think you already feel that. Otherwise you would not have reached out to a discussion board populated by ex-Watchtower witnesses.

    You can contact any of us personally by clicking on our discussion board alias (name).

    As one of your friends,


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