This is my story. I was born a JW and never knew anything else because my parents shelter from everything but for other reason. From the time I can remember my dad beat my mom. My first recall was when I was 5 and he was choking my mom by the throat, she called me into the room because he would stop when I came into the room. He did not want to look ba in front of his little girl. My mom stayed because she did not have grounds for divorce. Well, I started to grow up and my dad turned to me sexually at age 11, it continued for a while. I know now that it stopped because I became very ill and the doctors did not know what was wrong with me. I now know that it was from repressing what was happening. He stpped but then started hitting my brother and me. I would stand toe to toe with him, which made my mom think I was a devil child. (I had not told her what had happened at that point) At 17 I wanted to get batized and I wanted a clean conscience so I told my mom what he had done to me at 11. He denied it at first but then he confessed that I was telling the truth. They did not tell the elders and she stayed with him still.
I got baptized, poineered, met a brother got married had kids. We had a good marriage, he was an elder, we had bible studies, the book study at our home, the boys were unbaptized pulbishers etc etc. Well there was an article on incest and my husband told the elders what happened to me. The elders met with my dad and never talked to me at all. Well, a few years later my best friend (an elders wife too) decided she wanted my husband and they had an affair. They got caught together 3 times and the elders did nothing because he was an elder and her husband was too (but more importantly her husband was best friends with the PO). The elders finally had to meet with them and they decided to private reprove them because it would be better for the congregation and the families. Her husband forgave her the same day he found out about the affair. I could not forgive my husband. My husband and I did divorce after all the nightmare that followed. I eventually met a worldly man and was DF for 8 months. While I was out my husband told all kinds of stories about me that were not true to hind what he had done. When I got reinstated he went nuts because my friends were there for me finally. (I was 35 at the time). Two months after I was reinstated my ex husband killed himself. I found out later he was sleeping with a sister and did not want to get in trouble.
So that is my story. My problem is I think I have lost faith in everything, but I have two wonderful boys I have to be strong for and help make the right decisions for. I no longer agee with alot of the thing JW do anymore. My life would have been so much better without this religion in my life, but my family and friends are mostly JWs. A few years have past and I have been inactive for over a year now. I love God and all his beautiful creations around us. I need some kind of beleif system or faith in something. I don't want to be controlled and told what to do anymore. Please help me I feel I am starting over at 40.