Six,
It is not an easy thing to do, convincing a person their whole belief system is a myth no more real than Santa Clause.
Santa isn't real???????!!!!!
Dana
"...I'd walk with my people if I could find them..."
Third Eye Blind, Deep Inside of You
I NEED ADVICE DESPERATELY!!!
by concerned fiance 46 Replies latest jw friends
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safe4kids
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Victor_E
Your fiance suffers from a form of post traumatic syndrome. His fears are irational from the mind programing and the years of being filled with post hypnotic suggestions that are deeply embeded in his unconsicous mind.
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Stacey
Dear Concerned,
Your post made me very sad. Because I know how painful it is. I was born and raised a JW and left when I was 17. I no longer believe it is the "truth" and will never return to it. I dated a man who was also born and raised, and WANTED to return to it. All I can say is that it was hell and a mistake. If someone is that stuck that they have been "out" for nine years and an event like this scares them into going back, then there is probably little hope.
All I can say is that a person who wants to go back to that shit has some serious baggage and problems. You might even be better off in the long run moving on. It's very cliche and you dont want to hear it when you are going through it... but hearts break in this world of ours. People move on. And we all find someone who is better suited. It just takes time and strength. I did it, and so can anyone else...
I agree with Natas and LDH... This guy is willing to give up a relationship over a religion. You deserve so much more than that.
I hope you find peace and come to a decision that is best for you....
Sincerely,
Stacey -
Mum
Terrorist attacks have been taking place throughout the world for a long time. It's just when it hits your fiance's own country that he seems concerned. Tell him to get a wider perspective on the world and on HISTORY, particularly JW history and the "doom and gloom" cries that have all come to naught.
Get serious premarital counseling, and wait a while before you tie the knot. This guy has Issues!
Best regards,
Mum -
LovesDubs
Did you get a chance to read Victors excellent post on the subject of returning freaked out JWs?
see "Why JWs and EXJWS Return to Watchtower" Its a Pavlovs dog reaction to anything even remotely smacking of End of the World.
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peacepipe
Concerned Fiance,
It's hard to shake things that have been with us since a very young age. In your fiance's case it would be his watchtower teachings. You said since he left he's lived life to the fullest and you both have discussed how you would raise your children. That all said, his convictions he developed since leaving the org. apparently aren't as strong as the ones he grew up with. I would also conclude he simply is afraid of UNeverlasting life. These are things he needs to deal with on his own. You won't be able to talk him into anything else. Showing him things mentioned here and discussing things from your viewpoint hopefully will help but he may just need time to sort things out especially if he is willing to give up your relationship to go back to the organization.
I hope things work out for you both. :)PS: you may want to mention to him that it is a braver deed to sacrifice ones life for love because love may be the one and only real truth.
PeacePipe
Lift me up, I've had enough. . .Tom Petty
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safe4kids
Wow Peacepipe,
PS: you may want to mention to him that it is a braver deed to sacrifice ones life for love because love may be the one and only real truth
This jumped out at me as it is the conclusion that I've come to myself.
Concerned, I can't really add to what's been said here, as most of the folks who've responded have given really good advice. It is very hard to understand the mental workings of a JW if you aren't one yourself and so I wish you the best but strongly lean towards not jumping into marriage with your guy until you've both been able to resolve some of these issues. Whichever way you go, I hope that things work out for the best for you.
Dana
"...I'd walk with my people if I could find them..."
Third Eye Blind, Deep Inside of You
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Silverleaf
Hi Concerned,
Everyone has already given you some great food for thought, so I hope you can stand yet another testimony. I've been in your shoes to a degree. Many years ago I was engaged to a JW. He was not raised in the organization but found it on his own and his convictions were strong even though it tore him away from his family who were Catholic.
He wanted to get married and so did I but we had to go through the terrible mind games of how heartbroken he would be that I would not be with him in paradise. We did a lot of crying too and a lot of arguing and I finally realized that I didn't want to be with someone who would not put our relationship first. Marriage is hard enough under the best of circumstances. If you are already his second concern - or third or fourth, after Jehovah, the organization, his brothers and sisters in the truth, his eternal life in paradise, you have to ask yourself is that the kind of man you really want?
If you work through this now and get married, what are the chances something else may happen in the future that will scare him again and you will be tied to him, perhaps with children to worry about, and a husband who is off the deep end with fear? It will not be a good situation. I'm sure you love him very much. I loved my fiance too, but I realized he was putting his beliefs before every other thing in his life, especially me, and I decided that I had to put myself first.
At first I thought perhaps I was being too idealistic to want a man who would put himself between me and God if it came to that. I wanted someone who would be willing to give up eternal life to be with me. I was young and romantic, but believe it or not I found someone like that and it was worth the wait.Please give your relationship a lot of thought with an eye on what the future will be like for you if he goes back to the organization. There are better ways to live.
I wish you luck and please keep posting.
Silverleaf
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Dogpatch
All good comments, and I think Silverleaf has the best advice yet. I have seen these situations for decades, and the fear always gets them in the end, unless they find a better hope or worldview or a more legitimate understanding of basic Christianity.
Try this article,
:Why Some Can't Leave the Watchtower, and why others that Do Leave May Not Fare So Well" at:
http://www.freeminds.org/psych/whyleave.htmSimilar to Victor's good comments about those who leave.
Randy -
princecharmant
Concerned Fiance's post strikes me as totally insincere (note her almost faultless quote of the scriptures). Her first post, it so happens that it takes on an issue that has been discussed repeatedly on this board over the past twelve days. If she's been lurking, she would have read it all by now and would not need anyone's advice.
It sounds too much like a clever trick by someone to re-stir the pot.