Sexual Details in Disfellowshipping hearing?

by Medic!? 21 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • Medic!?

    I couldn't find if this was a previous topic, so I apologize in advance if it has been posted.

    I am 28 years old, I have been DF'd for 7-8 of those. My parents were converted when I was 2 years old by the whole family on my mother's side. However, about 5-10 years into it, all of that side of the family were DF'd or DA'd because they wanted to have sex with multiple people or smoke, drink, gamble, cuss, or whatever else they wanted. I never took to the "truth" because I resented having to be treated differently than the rest of the kids my age in school. I hated being picked on or different, perhaps that made me a weak person, who knows?

    I got baptized when I was 14, only because I wanted to do the cool "responsibilities" in the Kingdom Hall (Microphones, stage, etc.) I quickly found out that since my parents were only of middle-class income, we were excluded from numerous things and events, and the congregation was easily defined by socioeconomic status/class.

    When I turned 18, I graduated as a nurse (high school program), joined my local fire dept., and got to experience all the bad things I wanted to experience. I had girlfriend after girlfriend, participated in alcohol & drugs, smoked cigarettes, etc. All the while I was giving talks every once in a while and being the good little dub at the Kingdom Hall. Finally I cracked under the pressure. I was hooked on prescription pills (Percocet & Oxycontin) and that was the only way I could gain any happiness in life or feel good about myself. I finally set up a meeting w/ the elders in order to get DF'd. I knew that if I DA'd, I put myself at risk of having them hound me to come back over and over. It was a tough decision, I knew that my family would make me an outcast, another item I disagreed with (especially since they are just so loving and care about everyone right?) I met w/ the elders, told them how I smoked, did drugs, had premarital sex.

    They didn't seem to care about the drugs or alcohol, or even cigarettes. All they cared about was my sexal relations. They wanted DETAILS of every encounter I had. Things such as positions, number of times in that position, methods of intercourse (anal, vaginal, oral.) They wanted to know if the girl put her mouth on my genitals and if I returned the same. They wanted all the lurid details, most of which I didn't care to share with them. I even said "I don't think these questions are relevent, and I don't feel that it's any of your god damned business." Well, that just made them more persistent in asking about the sexual details. Perhaps they were rubbing each other under the table, or it gave them something good to spank it to later on... but it was one of the craziest experiences I've ever had.

    Has anyone else had this sort of thing happen?

  • BrentR

    Maybe you should turn them in to the "authorities". That is very wierd and I have not heard of it before but I am not surprised. I think you are correct in that they wanted a little something to add to thier spank bank.

  • coolhandluke

    nah. this happened to me too during my 1st committe meeting. the second i sent my best friend (an elder) as my proxy. i was busy with my worldly gf. any who... they asked all sorts of sick details. "did you touch her genitals? did you bring her to orgasm? was it intentional? did you fondle her breasts? both breasts? was the contact incidental? did you do it purposly? wait. wait wait. you slept in her bed but did not penetrate her? did you attempt to? no? i think you are lying. you mean to tell me that you slept in her bed the entire night and did not engage in sexualy intercourse? you are lying."

    wonderful men these. i get they were trying to determine if i commited the acts on purpose or if i was repentant and all, but there are better, less humiliating ways of going about it. but then there is less to think about when they have to mount their sows for wives later on.

  • lisavegas420

    Yep..I was asked all those embarrassing questions. Did they ask you what kind of underware you had on? I got that one too. Mostly I lied.

    Welcome medic


  • crazyblondeb

    Been there, done that!!

    One of my sisters moved in with me not long after I df'd. They tried to put her thru the same stuff. They actually had the gall to get her into a meeting behind my back. I stormed into the meeting. When they told me I couldn't be there, I took her with me. She said they were really hounding her, like they do so well. The look on their face was priceless when we left!!


  • Gill

    Wow, Crazyblondeb! I stand thoroughly impressed with your rescue mission of your sister. Well done!

    I'd loved to have seen those janitors and window cleaners faces as you marched your sister away from them! Congrats!!

  • OnTheWayOut

    The elders are supposed to ascertain whether it was loose conduct or fornication. If it was not fornication, the questions could be a bit detailed to be sure of what took place- what was touched, yadaa yadaa. This is to determine why they will conclude that it was loose conduct. If it was fornication, they only truly need to ascertain a frequent pattern or one-to-a-few times occurance.

    If you say it is loose conduct, why do they need to PROVE it. If you deny it, then likely there are not two witnesses, but they will try to drag it out of you.

    In clear cut cases, dragging out details is totally unnecessary. The problem lies in asking a bunch of untrained men to think legalistically about some poor guy or girl's moment of temptation/enjoyment. The legalistic attitude causes them to think they need to get details, which is supposed to help them determine repentence or degree of sin. GET REAL.

    I now see the ridiculousness of the entire process.

  • Mary

    Not personally, but I know many that have been asked questions intimate enough to make a phone sex operator blush. My own opinion is that the Elder's Manual has created all these bizarre rules as to what constitutes "fornication" or "loose conduct" that some elders are just as confused as the one on trial and feel they have no choice but to ask these questions. Others though are simply dirty old bastards who get off hearing the details and wishing it was them.

    I'm glad you told them it was none of their business. Cause it's not. Stupid jerk offs. (literally)

  • nonamegiven

    Before my wife and I got married we (seperatly) went to our respective loving body of elders to tell them that we had done a few things. We both had to endure all those questions (spank bank deposits, maybe). Anyway, we both gave all the lurid details. Here's the thing though, we didn't remove any clothing so it only went so far. She was put on reproof and I was given the outline for my first public talk.

    Funny how 2 elder bodies can be directed by the same holy spirit in such different ways.

  • Scully

    Hi Medic

    The search function is presently disabled, so that's probably why you couldn't find any previous topics on this subject. I know I started a similar thread a long time ago, wondering whether Elders™ wanted explicit, detailed information regarding sexual intimacy during Judicial Committee™ meetings:

    Do males get 'grilled' the same way women do?

    Just a note to other posters, to please bear in mind that this may bring up some very painful and embarrassing memories for some members who have gone through this experience. Please be kind and refrain from making light of the situation.

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