How do I deal with my hatred?

by nicolaou 27 Replies latest social family

  • nicolaou

    Hambeak, with all that you are going through, that you could offer me comfort is so humbling.

    Thank you.

  • BrentR

    I would also agree with the earlier post about having a longterm plan and turning the anger energy into positive energy. There is that saying that eating well is the best revenge. With the JW's it is living well is the best revenge. They spend alot of time telling the followers how miserable and depressed you will be if you leave and to an exent it's true. But it really screws things up when they see you prospering and expereincing a deep lasting happiness along with a successful career.

    You become the living proof that they are lying. Every time I run into a JW friend thay always ask how I am doing. We know what thier motivation is for asking. They are hoping to hear that you are in a shambles and have become an emotional wreck. That is when I am more then happy to tell them of every accomplishment and success. I can see the surprise and or shock in thier face because they don't want you to be happy, succesful and productive. Remember your the "bad person" now and you should be reaping all of the consequences, but your not. They really, really hate that, it ruins the whole charade.

  • Abandoned


    Hatred, although it sometimes feels right, almost always hurts the bearer much worse than the one who instigated it. You've been hurt enough by their shunning so do your best to not add to it by focusing on the anger. One thing that works for me is recognizing that it's a huge world and there's a lot of things to do. Now you have time to study, experiment, travel, or something else. Once you get busy in something you have a passion for, you'll be able to see this with more perspective.

    When you run into a brick wall, it's worth your time to check and see how high the wall goes. If it's just a short, half wall, then you may want to try and go over it. If it only goes on for a short distance, maybe you want to go around it. But, sometimes in life, a brick wall is a brick wall and you simply have to recognize that you are not going to benefit yourself or anyone else by going forward.

  • Apostate Kate
    Apostate Kate

    Sorry nic...It sucks..

    A good friend helped me get through the anger stage. I wish I could recall some of her words of wisdom. She had lost a good friend who was a senior and an elder to suicide when he was removed from his position as elder due to a family member not walking the line.

    She helped me see that the people were mostly sincere victims and she taught me how to love them all, even the cocky self righteous dubs who would say the meanest things. The love tempered the hatred and I started feeling so much better inside.

    Even the Bethel boobs for the most part are sincere "followers of followers and victims of victims" so who's left to hate?

    Anger management therapy may be useful. We have to express our anger in healthy ways and make sure we do not turn the anger back into ourselves by drinking or other means. For me it is writing, for others it may be beating a pillow to a pulp, or hitting a boxers ball, etc..

  • observador


    I'm sorry to hear you feel so angry, but it is understandable.

    One way I deal with my anger is to remind myself that about four years ago I was exactly like what they are now.

    Also remember that the more anger one shows, the happier JWs seem to get. And the opposite is also true: one thing that makes JWs very irritated is when they meet an inactive/former JW and he says "I'm doing wonderfully well" and shows a delicious smile in their face.

    Hang in there.

  • JWdaughter

    I'm sorry for the way you are being treated. Its an ugly thing to do and call oneself a christian! Living well is the best revenge. Be happy, and set a high standard for awesome lives after leaving the Borg. We are with you and care about you!! Now that there is nothing to hide, live your life the way that is best for you according to what you believe and what you love. Congratulations on making the complete break. Your very leaving is going to make others think a little harder about why they are still in.


  • lowden


    I have come to the conclusion that JWs are amongst the worst people a person could EVER wish to meet. They are scumbags and not worth the shit off my shoe!!!!!!

    And don't anybody come out with that, 'but they're just deluded and brainwashed' CRAP!!

    Decent people DON'T treat other humans like that

    I was one for 15yrs and am ashamed of the times i shunned people in the past.

    This thought may not help you with your present fellings of anger but i just wanted to say that i'm understanding your feelings.

    You'll work through it and learn not to give a flying 'you know what' about them, whether they're family or not. Blood is not thicker than water. Maybe that's hard for a Greeek to swallow being such strong family people but it's sooo true.

    I don't even look at them in the street anymore, they're not worth it. Put your energy into something worthwhile and don't waste any more of your precious love on something that doesn't give positive energy back.



  • Dansk

    Hi ((((((((Nic)))))))),

    I love them and I know that in a sense they are victims too but I just cannot reach them.

    You've reasoned the problem very well if I may so. In general (there ARE some jerks who love the "position") JWs are very much victims. You know my story, we've met and we're friends. You also know that I've been where you are right now and that my older daughter is still a JW and hasn't been in contact for 4 years, three of which I've had a serious disease. Jody was a really lovely, caring girl but her JW-upbringing, done by Claire and I, has left her mind-controlled - and being married to a zealous JW has made things even worse.

    The thing you must remember, NIc, is that you and I and thousands of others escaped Watchtower and there's no reason why members of your own family won't eventually exit, too! Never think they won't, because I well remember being such a dyed-in-the-wool JW myself once!!

    Freedomfrog made some excellent points. There is a genuine grieving process. Took Claire and I two weeks of buckets of tears before we got over the grieving process. Thereafter, every day got a little bit better.

    I threw myself back into Buddhism. No need to believe in God and yet the teachings are truly sensational for everyday life. I have learnt to control my anger, accept the moment and turn negative feelings into positive. I'm not saying you should become a Buddhist (though it's an excellent idea) but that there are avenues you can explore to temper your feelings and to make you see positively again.

    The good thing is, you still have your wife. I don't know how she is coping because last time we spoke she was still a JW, but having Claire on my side definitely helped my own situation and I couldn't give a care for the shunning after that. If you want to chat give me a call or send an eel. Five out of my six family members are now out of the org and I look forward to the day when Jody exits, too. I don't give up hope.

    In the meantime you have to move on. The pain can be excruciating but, as I said, there ARE ways to nullify it and turn it to one's advantage.

    Take care, keep strong and be uplifted by knowing you have genuine loving friends here.



  • Junction-Guy

    You know what you could do? I know this sounds way out there, and I doubt I would do it if I was in your shoes. I would go back to the hall, get reinstated just for a temporary while, then turn the tables on them and shun them. Once the reinstatement notice is read, everyone will be coming around you and hugging you, this is when you could look them in the eye and say "get out of my life, you didnt want me yesterday, what makes you think I want you today", then walk out of the kingdom hall and never go back. This is only hypothetical, as there is no way I could ever stomach the meetings again. But man wouldnt it sure be fun to turn the tables on them. In fact you could keep going to the meetinfgs for several months and shun them at every meeting, all the while you remain in good standing with the congregation. Remember this is only one Idea I have, I dont want to encourage anyone to go back to that rathole, but you could have some fun with it, along with a sense of justice.

  • nicolaou

    Thank you all. A few days out have helped a lot, it's not like I didn't see this coming.

    Ian, next time you organise a night out I'm there.!, It'd be great to see you and Claire again and I'd really like to meet up with some of the other riff raff too!

    It's strange but I feel kind of calm at the moment, I think it's because no-one is bothering me. :(

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