How do I deal with my hatred?

by nicolaou 27 Replies latest social family

  • nicolaou

    I know that thousands of you have gone through the same thing I'm facing but right now it doesn't help. I know that some of you have faced much worse - losing family through the blood issue or having to deal with abuse and I know that in comparison my problems may seem not so severe but as bad as it sounds knowing all that just doesn't matter right now.

    It started yesterday and there's no stopping it, the official shunning. One member of the family right now will see the month end with me losing my sisters, brother and my Mum.

    I love them and I know that in a sense they are victims too but I just cannot reach them. The situation is filling me with a heated anger I didn't know I was capable of. There are individuals - elders - who have taken control of my family and who hold all influence over them. I feel I could pound them into the pavement and leave them bleeding!

    I so hate the Watchtower right now. Hatred, real stomach thumping hatred. And I hate them for making me feel like this, it's not the man I was or the man I want to be.

  • MsMcDucket
    I know that some of you have faced much worse - losing family through the blood issue or having to deal with abuse and I know that in comparison my problems may seem not so severe but as bad as it sounds knowing all that just doesn't matter right now.

    Nic, my husband has a saying when he's mad, angry, or hurting and then someone tries to patronize him. He'll say "I'm not talking about you! I'm talking about me!"

    What you are going through is bad and it does hurt. I, also, get angry when I think about someone else having control of my children, whom I raised as lovingly as I could. If I had abused them, maybe, I could understand it. This shunning crap will never make sense to me. Or the making you out to be the evil one! UGH!!! It's the damn pits!


  • fullofdoubtnow


    Shunning is very hard to deal with at first, and I don't blame you for the way you feel.

    Your loss is worse than mine - it's family that are shunning you, with me it was long - time friends. There's nothing much I can say that will make it any easier to bear, I only wish there was.

    You are channelling your hatred in the right direction - at the watchtower society for making and enforcing their inhuman rules. I found that that helped, knowing that those who shunned me did it because they were still trapped in the evil org that I had escaped.

    I know the next few weeks and months will be tough, and I will be thinking of you


  • FreedomFrog


    What you are going through is a normal reaction. You are going through a loss. You're going through the second stage of grieving. Some people may not feel that losing a religion would make us go through a grieving process, but I think that most ex-JW's go through some of the process because of all the loss we lose.

    Here is the grieving process that some of us are going through...

  • Denial (this isn't happening to me!)
  • Anger (why is this happening to me?)
  • Bargaining (I promise I'll be a better person if...)
  • Depression (I don't care anymore)
  • Acceptance (I'm ready for whatever comes)
  • It takes time...but let yourself feel them so you can move on to the next and then to final acceptance.

    I'm glad you are talking about it because this will help you move to the next stage. Not everyone will go through every stage. Some will go through one several times...but in the end we will accept what live gives us.

    Hang in there.


  • dobbie


    I really feel for you and just want you to know you ain't alone!My shunning started last month- the first week i wept all day every day.The second week i got VERY angry, i couldn't talk about it without shouting and awearing and not acting like how i usually am at all, this week the fourth i think,i've been able to laugh about it a tiny bit, though i feel bitter.I try to constantly remind myself that its the WTS i hate not the ones shunning me cos they feel they have to, but it isn't easy when i see them at close range twice a day. Hang in there mate, it must be awful losing your family,(its my husbands lot that are jws but it hurts cos i know it'll come to me not seeing my niece and nephew anymore), but personally i find each week that goes by it seems a tinier bit better to cope with, and i can see that with my husband, he is getting a bit stronger each week about it all. If you want to get the ranting out of your system do it here thats what we are all here for!! Debbie

  • SixofNine

    "it's not the man I was or the man I want to be."

    You'll be fine then. It's not as if it is unwarranted hate. Time will temper it and your intelligence and love will channel it. Just do your best to make any action you take work out positively for you and the ones you love.

  • FreeChick


    I'm sitting here teary-eyed right now. I'm so sorry that you are having to go through this. I was DF'd 16 years ago and lost my entire family. There are days when I experience that same gut-wrenching anger even now. My heart goes out to you and those here who are feeling this pain.

    Take care,


  • moshe

    I had to move away to deal with my anger- after the divorce I ran into my two young children at Walmart. When I tried talking to them, they told me they couldn't talk to me 'cause it wasn't my official visitation day. I tried reasoning with them that the court visitation day had nothing to do with talking to me and they could see me anytime they wanted. I moved 6 doors down the street, so I think that vexed my ex-wife that I was so close to the kids and even met them at the bustop after school. For some reason she thought she could restrict me to the minimum visitation and keep the kids from talking to me at all other times. Anyway, I could see this was going to make a lot of grief for the children and when a job offer came up in my old hometown out of state I decided to move. I stopped getting mad at the ex and when I had the kids up for the summer , they were all mine and they had no JW-mother monitoring everything they did. 6 weeks of no KH every summer and no JW indoctrination did wonders and in a few years they began to see the cracks in the WT fortress. Within 5 years they stopped going voluntarily to the KH and the elders never asked why, either.

    So in dealing with my anger, I made and executed a long range plan that took five years to succeed. I won and have no anger anymore.

  • Nosferatu

    There's nothing wrong with the anger you feel toward the WTS. Anger is a natural human emotion. If you didn't let it out, it wouldn't be healthy for you mentally and physically. I know because I've been there.

    Vent all you want. We'll listen. We'll understand.

  • hambeak

    Sorry to hear this I do understand I have been there and am there now.

    Get rid of the hatred and anger. It will take time, make new friends. That is so important, because hatred and anger will deprive you of the true beauty in the world. Someday maybe they will change.

    I try to live by this: Where there is life, there is hope, where there is hope. There may be change.

    We are there for you.

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