sex abuse of wives

by J-ex-W 36 Replies latest watchtower scandals

  • diamondblue1974
    I believe that somewhere, in a Watchtower mag, the bOrg has in fact said in a round about way that forced sex in a marriage is rape, but they put the consequences, and any hopes of justice in the hands of God on judgment day. I'm not sure if this mag was in the late

    Typical, the society sits on the fence when it comes to marital rape, notice how they would sooner quote the 'not witholding dues' than advise that a woman should report a rapist husband to the police??!

    Typical though


  • luvbug2007

    The one and only jw i dated that i mentioned in my story was 27 and i was 18. He forced me to have sex with him or he would tell the elders and my family things about me. He said he would also go to my place of work and post "naked pics" of me all over the windows. Even though they would have be fake lies and fake pics, I still belived him.

    It is sick and sad what happens behind closed doors. I have always said Jws have two faces, their kingdumb hall face and their home face.

  • Lady Lee
    Lady Lee

    Getting back to the marital rape theme I doubt the WTS/elders would step in and really deal with this issue. They might be a bit more willing to listen to a woman who has an unbelieving mate ansd he was the abuser but I know plenty of JW women who were abused by their husbands (both JWs and non-JWs) and the line of thinking was always to stay quiet and submissive to win the non-JW over or to leave it in hands of Jehovah regardless of physical safety or emotional impact


    That guy is dangerous and a typical abuser. Many use manipulation, fear and lies to get what they want at the expense of another. It doesn├Ęt matter whether he would really go to the elders but the fear alone would have been enough to get most women to submit to his tryanny

  • Woodsman
  • J-ex-W

    Thank you very much for pointing out the existing thread to me. I'm a little daft in front a computer screen still. I am SO SORRY--and appalled--to hear of your experiences with your elder ex-!!! It's funny how, being a victim myself, I can still be absolutely shocked at other people's experiences in this regard. My ex used to throw similar such twisted scripture trash at me, but hearing it used on someone else is when it suddenly rings out in the horrific tones that it does. I would never think someone else should have to put up with that. Yet I felt my hands were tied when it was me on the receiving end. Especially when the elders remained infuriatingly neutral about the whole thing, despite my repeated proactive attempts help to get ongoing help for our family.

    You wondered in another post about if the elders would listen to a sister who's husband was unbelieving. No dice. My ex was raised a JW but 5 years inactive (not even a publisher) when I met him and when I first went to the elders for help regarding these things. They acted like their hands were tied because he was not a publisher ("Well, I can't think of anything we can do. He doesn't have any privileges, so we can't take his privileges away." --direct quote). I came away believing that if only he would get baptized, then there would be some accountability. Later he did...but still no dice. Two witness rule/ no confesssion and all that. And, of course, you shouldn't take a brother to court (which was used before and after he was baptized--JW family on his side, after all).

    He's still in good standing, and I'm inactive, my last public act as a JW being to receive public reproval for unmarried sex (adultery, as my kids, my ex and his family see it, even though it was a year after the divorce was finalized. I had already stopped attending meetings before this time because...well, that's another posting.

    best of healing to you

  • J-ex-W

    Yep. Been there, contemplated that. My ex was that way about sex opportunities, only his focus was dirty magazines. He was a delivery guy and/ or blue collar worker in other capacities with lots of worldly exposures on the job. And yeah, it was so good of him to save it up. Ya know, he used to disparage how his older brothers, as worldly teens, used to be horndogs toward any female. He confined his 'activity' to only his sisters--and then me. He took the moral high ground.

  • J-ex-W

    The article was in the early 90's. I remember it. I totally celebrated when I read that footnote. I had the SUPREMELY NAIVE idea that that acknowledgment in print would translation into some practical action (i.e., support/ help). I mentioned it in confidence to two sisters,saying, "This does not leave this car group." I saw the alarmed look they exchanged. They were elders' wives, friends of my mother-in-law. I think I had hoped something of it would leak where it would do some good [you know how the rumor grist mill is].

    I had hoped somehow someone would be able to put enough pieces together to come to me and say, We know what you're going through. You don't deserve it. We want to help. Many of them already knew of my ex-husband's rep, known for his 'hot temper.' Of course, at the same time I was throwing out little hints for help here and there, I was expending way more energy trying to hide the abuse, to be able to fit in. And confusing articles like the one you've mentioned didn't help. [After all, 'help' was not needed; more prayer and ministry was.... Ay, yi yi!

  • J-ex-W

    SO, SO SORRY you've been through this!!! My heart goes out to you, being still with him. I know how much you want improvement in the relationship. I hope healing occurs for you, whether it is inside or outside the marriage.

    I want to say here that in a posting on another thread, I had referred people to my writings on for more info. I went on the website tonight, and since my postings are a year old by now, a significant number of them have been dropped to make room for new postings coming in. Rats. Some of my more significant comments were ones that were dropped. But some the ones remaining are still worth checking into, I think. (search archived shows, Nov. -05, "Conception Deception," then do message board search for 'blouic') I'll have to try to re-tell some of it here, I guess, but not tonight.

    Let's continue to support each other. You all have no idea how helpful coming to the forum has been for me. Or maybe you do.

    Best of healing to all of you!

  • J-ex-W

    Minnesota. Cool. (not just weather) Aren't you afraid or nervous [and this question is for all of you) about having your picture and location posted online? Must not have any family or friends ties to worry about anymore? Just wondering. Also wondering what it must be like to be able to leave without a scratch, if anyone ever does get to do that. Do they?

  • lovelylil

    I'm very sorry to hear everyone's story.

    I went through something similiar with my husband. I had to be on anti-depressants for a few years to combat my migraines. I have a nuerological disease and it causes extemely painful migraines that can last for weeks. The nuerologist put me on anti-depressants because they would relax the nerves in my head and increase seretonin which helped me feel better. But my hubby was upset that our sex life went from 3 or 4 times a week to once per week because the medicine was dulling my sex drive. Mind you without the medication I was in so much pain I wanted to chop my own head off. And I could barely get out of bed to care for the kids. But my hubby did the same thing - he constantly kept saying I had to give him "his due".

    He pressured me to go on anther medicine and it did not work. One day I got so depressed over all the pain I was in, I tried to drive the family car into a tree and end my life. My hubby finally stopped the "give me my due" mantra after that. But can you believe it, I had to almost kill myself to get him to shut up about it. That is because he was so indoctrinated by the WT, he could not even use a bit of human compassion.

    And I heard stories like this all the time. I really believe being in the WT dulls a person emotionally and they begin to forget how to show empathy to another human being. Lilly

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