WITNESSES REACTION TO FACING DEATH......

by Mary 36 Replies latest jw friends

  • I quit!
    I quit!
    I remember a while ago talking to my grandmother who's been a JW since the late 70's and who now is in her 70's herself, and she was just getting to the point in her life where she realised that she just might not live forever. When that hits someone especially later in life, it's quite a blow to them.

    I think this is what is going on in my wife's family. My wife's sister has cancer, her mother is in her 80's. This wasn't supposed to happen to them. To me they all seem beaten down by contrast between the Watchtower's teachings and the reality of their lives.

  • Robdar
    Robdar

    Denial is one of the stages of reacting to grief or receiving catastrophic news. Give her time. She'll get around to the other 4.

    http://mt.essortment.com/stagesofgri_rvkg.htm

    5 Stages of Grief

    1-Denial-"this can't be happening to me", looking for the former spouse in familia places, or if it is death, setting the table for the person or acting as if they are still in living there. No crying. Not accepting or even acknowledging the loss.

    2-Anger-"why me?", feelings of wanting to fight back or get even with spouse of divorce, for death, anger at the deceased, blaming them for leaving.

    3-Bargaining-bargaining often takes place before the loss. Attempting to make deals with the spouse who is leaving, or attempting to make deals with God to stop or change the loss. Begging, wishing, praying for them to come back.

    4-Depression-overwhelming feelings of hopelessness, frustration, bitterness, self pity, mourning loss of person as well as the hopes, dreams and plans for the future. Feeling lack of control, feeling numb. Perhaps feeling suicidal.

    5-Acceptance-there is a difference between resignation and acceptance. You have to accept the loss, not just try to bear it quietly. Realization that it takes two to make or break a marriage. Realization that the person is gone (in death) that it is not their fault, they didn't leave you on purpose. (even in cases of suicide, often the deceased person, was not in their right frame of mind) Finding the good that can come out of the pain of loss, finding comfort and healing. Our goals turn toward personal growth. Stay with fond memories of person.

  • LongHairGal
    LongHairGal

    I always found their "flippant" attitude towards death disturbing. I really didn't believe people honestly felt this way but they kept on a brave front because you know it is all about appearances there. Who knows how they act in private.

    I also feel their unnatural attitude towards death is partly responsible for their general lack of love and coldness. I mean, even Jesus grieved. The thing was not to become despondent over the death of a loved one.

    Sorry, but I think it is all screwed up.

    LHG

  • bebu
    bebu

    They treat mourning and grieving as a sin. What do they make of Jesus' words, "blessed are those who mourn"? Or Paul's admonition that Christians were to mourn with those who mourn and rejoice with those who rejoice? Grief is not inherently evil.

    I'm sorry for your friend's situation. I hope she will get better. I hope you are feeling alright too, Mary.

    bebu

  • Mary
    Mary

    OK, so it sounds like this is NOT an isolated case amongst Witnesses........yes, to those of you who ask, I seem to be doing OK. Had my check up last month and everything is good. Next year, I graduate to going just once a year for my check up.

    This wasn't supposed to happen to them. To me they all seem beaten down by contrast between the Watchtower's teachings and the reality of their lives.

    Yes, I think this is a big part of it. "This wasn't supposed to happen." I hear that more and more. Yet these people will go to their graves believing that Armageddon is right around the corner. I can remember at one assembly that had an elderly brother on the platform who pioneered the month his wife died and everyone clapped.

  • Wasanelder Once
    Wasanelder Once

    As in any religion you have your zealots who take the word of the leaders as gold and build thier hopes around them. I've talked with pentacostals who were sure of thier reward in heaven and have reacted accordingly to news of fatal illness in like manner. It's not unique to JW's. I knew many a witness who were devastated at the news of a terminal illness, they fought like hell to stay alive.

    Generalizations are easy to make. No defense being made for doctrine here, just human nature. If I get cancer I hope someone will love me enough to do what you did for her. I'll thank you for her. I"m sure she didn't see the good motive behind your visit. I hope she did.

    W.Once

  • I quit!
    I quit!

    yes, to those of you who ask, I seem to be doing OK. Had my check up last month and everything is good. Next year, I graduate to going just once a year for my check up

    Wonderful Mary! My wife just had her 9 year anniversay since having chemo. She had her yearly CAT scan recently. We haven't heard from her doctor yet and would have by now if there was a problem.

  • rebel8
    rebel8

    Mary, A few yrs ago, I read an online book written by a woman who was a jw. She described a situation when someone passed away in their home and the bros went about tidying up the house etc. so as to not "be a bad witness" to the coroner. I am not remembering the details exactly, but she describes a bizarre reaction to the death--similar to your experience--which I imagine is a severe case of denial. People were not appropriately sad, etc.

    I wish I could find that book again, but I can't locate it in Google. It was really a great book.

  • Gill
    Gill

    DENIAL! That's a classic case, Mary!

    I remember with my Aunt, her total terror when faced with the 'terminal' diagnosis. The terror got worse and worse so that even drugs could not pacify her. She felt a cold dark grave coming. She couldn't imagine that she might be on her next great journey and wonder where she would go next.

    Witnesses are not allowed to 'wonder' what will happen when they die. Apparantly they 'know' - absolutely nothing and gone forever, unless God is in a good mood and chooses to resurrect them.

    So! They 'know' that nothingness is all they have before them. My Aunt would rather have endured unending pain than go into that black hole of nothingness that the Watchtower had held before her. We had to choose to have her put under morphine to ease her terrible suffering and allow her to die without food and water because she WOULD NOT GO! She was so afraid to die. Even then she clung to life for another week!

  • Oroborus21
    Oroborus21

    Hi there,

    sorry to hear about your friend. even if it is not primary liver cancer but secondary...you may wish to refer her to our website: www.bluefaery.org

    we have some information, including a patient education brochure, which she may find useful.

    -Eduardo

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