Shunned by an old friend

by fullofdoubtnow 24 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  fullofdoubtnow

  I am feeling much better this morning. We went out for an hour last night to our local, and guess what - everybody spoke to us! Not one person shunned us. It did me good to be among such normal people, who don't judge you on what your current beliefs, or lack of them are.

  As Trev reminded me several times yesterday, it's the jws who can't talk to us, out of fear of being disciplined by their elders, we can talk to whoever we want to.

  I would have loved to tell my ex friend how my life is going now, my news about my forthcoming wedding, my mums illness etc, but she didn't want to talk, so I couldn't. What happened yesterday is on her conscience, not mine. I feel sorry for her, still being trapped in the watchtower, and it makes me appreciate my own freedom even more.

  Linda
• 

  NanaR

  I always hated the shunning rule, and she hated it as much as me me, and she was the one person who I thought, hoped, might not shun me, she knew why I had doubts, and knew why I left, I wrote to her after I put my da letter in. But today she obeyed the wts shunning rule, and though I knew what to expect when I left from jws in general, it was still hard to take from her, remembering how close we once were.

  Linda,

  Several here have mentioned fear. In addition, I think it is likely that the BOE, knowing how close you two were, has given her specific "counsel" (read threat) that she is not to have anything to do with you. In their eyes, you are a VERY DANGEROUS person -- your dear friend could start thinking for herself, imagine that!

  I don't remember when exactly I stopped obeying the shunning rules, but I know it was long before I truly "left".

  It's the people who created those hurtful rules that are really to blame. Not the fearful souls who are imprisoned by them.

  I'm so sorry you were hurt in this way. It's wrong and evil to divide friends under the premise of "protecting" and "helping".

  Hugs and best wishes,

  Ruth
• 

  Pioneer Spit...oh, i mean Spirit

  Ditto. Hugs to you!

  Catfish
• 

  SB

  What an awful experience, but I agree with Xnived Shadow ~ you set a great example for others who will/already have faced that same situation. I'm working up the courage to DA myself before it's done for me, and I've already been told by a couple that has helped raise me since i was 10, "be sure to stop by and tell us how you're doing, we love you as a person, not just a servant of Jehovah. So be sure to come by and see us...unless you're disfellowshipped of course!" So...all in one scentence they totally contradicted themselves, and it gave me a taste of what i had to look forward to from friends supposidly closer than family...

  You are great encouragement to me, thanks for sharing your hurtful experience, as painful as it was. all the best to you and Trev!!

  SB
• 

  sass_my_frass

  Ah that stings, sorry to hear it.

  If it had been her who'd left, and me who'd stayed, I just know I wouldn't have treated her like that, not having been so close for so long.

  Actually, you don't know that. Even when I was a JW and hated disfellowshipping, I went along with it. I'm ashamed of myself now. You'll never know, but she has probably thought about it constantly since. Remember that she deserves the pain that thought brings her.

  If she treats you that way, she doesn't deserve you.