Dear Auld Soul
Here is another take from a different perspective. My dad was and elder, but my mom was still never happy. He wasn't ever doing enough, made mistakes, not enough service time, etc., etc., etc.
Through the years he slaved away and provided a beautiful income for my mother. She always had beautiful new 4 door cars for service and absolutely beautiful rooms for Tuesday night bookstudies. He died at age 64 leaving her a comfortable life and retirement. He left the Jw's shortly after 1975. Much of the money he earned and continues to make in interest winds up with the society.
After he died my mom realized what a great guy he was, but sadly not in his living years.....Do not tolerate, accept, or buy into the inferior feeling you are experiencing now. As you are aware no one in this cult ever measures up to expectations at any level. Its a life time of guilt no matter what position you hold.
You sound like you love your wife as much as my father did. Do not, and I repeat, do not let this cloud your accomplishments or lack of involvement in the JW's. It is a bottomless pit of expectations and I am sorry to say a sick type of power if allowed.
My mother just informed me that unless I quite smoking, most of my Father's estate will go to the society. So you see, they can induce guilt, conformity to their ideals, wishes etc. if allowed. Hold firm to YOUR ideals and wishes. That does not take away from who you are or love of your wife.
I personally really admire you.
r.
