I'm scared and I need help

by Chameleon 37 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  nicolaou

  I wouldn't bring the UN thing up either, your Dad has possibly dealt with this before or at least received the official 'library card' line from Brooklyn.

  I got wind that I was to be appointed as an elder shortly after one C.O's visit. As soon as I heard I went round to our Presiding Overseer and told him that if what I'd heard was true that I'd prefer not to be appointed. He was not happy - perhaps he didn't want to explain this to the society, I don't know.

  My genuine reasons were that I had two sons aged 7 and 8 and a 1 year old baby girl and I did not want to be one of those fathers who missed out on all their growing up and dumped all the responsiblity and hard work on my young wife. No way would I attend elders meetings until late in the evening while my wife was struggling with three young kids at home on her own.

  The P.O said that other brothers had managed it and that my outlook might be considered unappreciative. Jerk.
• 

  Chameleon

  Possibly, but I highly doubt it. Spanish congregations are oblivious when it comes to wrongdoings of the wt, at least from my observations. nicolaou: were you ever considered to be appointed after that?
• 

  bebu

  I think you can truthfully say that you do not believe that God would want you to take this position. And even though you cannot articulate well the reason why not, you feel that it would be wrong to accept, although you do appreciate their confidence.

  Whatever line you decide upon, you next need to be prepared to keep repeating it and saying, "I'm sorry. I really believe that this burden privilege at this time is not what God Jehovah desires for me." Don't say anything like "maybe" or "if". Just repeat, "I'm very sorry." "I'm sorry, I really cannot accept the position."

  After a while, they will give up. Your dad might give you the hardest time, but maybe you can tell him that since you were told about it, you began to pray about it. And though you can't explain well, you are certain that you are not making a mistake in your answer.

  Hope those might help!!

  bebu
• 

  Black Sheep

  You could try using the litterature on your Dad's bookshelf to wangle your way out of it.

  You could show him that the WT said the same thing about the shortness of the time left and that there was not enough time left to persue a career, get married, bring up kids etc. when he was your age, when his father was your age, when his grandfather was your age etc.

  You could then say that you feel that history shows that it would be unwise for you to put all of your eggs in the one basket, so you would like to persue your education on the offchance that history may repeat itself.

  Cheers

  Chris
• 

  wozadummy

  It must be hard for you chameleon but look on the brighter side, become an elder and feed sites like this with all the goss and BOE letters you see...it could be fun
• 

  katiekitten

  Maybe you could say you are truly grateful that you have been considered but you dont feel spiritually qualified yet (this avoids any hint of doubts or wrongdoing).

  If they press you and say "but we think you are spiritually qualified" you say "well I have considered the issue prayerfully and after long prayers I dont feel ready yet".

  Im not sure if it would work but you could just play broken record - 'I dont feel spiritually mature yet' no need to give details. Just keep repeating the same thing whatever they ask you. If they really press you could throw in that even Jesus wasnt ready until he was 30 and after prayerful consideration you dont feel ready.

  Just keep flipping between two o three phrases "I dont feel ready", "I dont feel spiritually mature enough", "jesus did not take on any responsibilities until he was 30".

  Because you are focussing on what you FEEL, and not any actual facts, they cant disagree with you. You dont FEEL ready. The end. They cant FORCE you to feel ready.
• 

  fullofdoubtnow

  I agree with what a few other posters have said - don't say anything that might be considered confrontational, just go with the !I don't feel spiritually ready" line. The elders may disagree with you, but after all only you know how you really feel.

  All the best
• 

  katiekitten

  Ive just thought of something else.

  Instead of being defensive and thinking of replies to fend them off, you could do on the attack. Here are a couple of questions:

  "Is this a genuine offer where I have the genuine choice to say yes or no?"

  "Are you going to force me to accept?"

  "Would Jesus have forced anyone to be one of his apostles?"

  And a few more phrases to add to the broken record:

  "I feel that being forced to accept this offer would damage my spirituality" (again dont explain if pressed, its just what you FEEL, so no need to justify it with details)

  "I dont think that forcing someone who does not feel ready is in the true spirit of Christ".

  "My relationship with Jehovah does not depend on me accepting this position, and will not be affected by my not accepting this position"
• 

  LittleToe

  I assume that you are living at home and are dependant on that fact to allow you to go to school.

  Based on that assumption I offer the following advice, which of course you may take or leave:

  Sit down with your dad and explain your concerns over the MS thing in a very simple manner. Tell him that you don't want to be presumptious about the possibility of being made a MS, but you have some concerns. You know that it would mean extra work in the congregation, but you really want to get this degree, You don't feel you could do both right now, and feel that since the degree is only a relatively short piece of work it should come first, especially as it doesn't affect what you already do too much. Ask him to bear that in mind if your name should come up in discussions about MS before the forthcoming CO visit.

  If you need to, remind him that it's not a reflection on him, but simply a reflection on what you feel you can cope with. A Degree is a serious workload and he has surely raised you to take such things seriously. If he's understanding then thank him for it and maybe tell him that it's a weight of your mind that had been troubling you.

  On no account bring up the UN thing or anything else, else you could be out of the house on your ear, which you are not ready for. This would likely make finishing your degree even more difficult.

  Pour your heart into getting good grades and do this for your future! You owe it to yourself and your progeny. Your parents may be proud of you for this, in it's own right.

  Good luck
• 

  _Atlas

  I have to concur with the other posters, avoid being named a MS if you do not feel like it but don’t bring the U.N. issue. Find one of the many excuses given here to delay that appointment or just say no and don’t explain yourself.

  If you do not want to hurt your parent’s feelings you can even accept the appointment, it will be real easy to get rid of it once you decide to. If you start missing meetings and staying home studying they will call your attention and maybe ask you to resign… This might be easier on your folks. You might even pretend thru college though that will be harder on your grades.

  You’ll know best what will be better for them.

  As the U.N. issue goes, I find that it is easier to use another topic once you decide to come up clean with your family (If you ever).

  I think the issue of the Cross vs Stake is milder to their sensibilities since you can explain that you still do not believe that we should be wearing a cross. Tell them that besides being with the witnesses on that regard, you found a lot of evidence supporting the traditional shape of the ‘Crux’, and then you can refer them to the myriad of sites (non apostate ones) adding evidence in favor of the traditional cross. There is medical, historical, archeological & biblical evidence against the stake version of the cross.

  At the worst this will earn you a soft slap on your hand and you can test the waters of their receptiveness and determine if you want to pursue this line of approach.

  I think once you convey that you are WITH the witnesses on their position but do not find the evidence to support it they will assimilate your doubts much smoothly.

  Atlas