Do you have any "old friends"?

AlmostAtheist

Hey All,

I was thinking today that many of us lack something that other people enjoy -- old friends. We either weren't close to our high school friends, or sort of shut them out of our lives. Then we lost all of our JW friends that really knew us (they shun us now, or at least can't talk to us about the issues we want to discuss).

Even if we go back and reconnect with old friends, they aren't people we've known for 20 years. They're people we knew (and knew us) 20 years ago. We've changed, they've changed, and all we have now is our shared history. It's like starting over.

So now we make new friends. But they're NEW, they don't know us. When we need to talk about something, they are only hearing our words. An old friend can see past your words and understand what YOU mean when you say them. Misunderstandings are fewer because they are tuned to you.

Do you still have any old friends? If not, how do you work through the issues of life?

Dave

fullofdoubtnow

I lost touch with my school friends after a few years as a jw, and lost all my jw friends when I da'd, apart from one who da'd herself recently, so no, I don't really have any old friends from my childhood any more.

Nosferatu

I've been out for ten years, so I've had more time to make new "old friends". I've had my best friend for 9 years now, and we have an absolute blast together! I've got another friend who I've known for 5 years now.

I didn't keep any friends when I left the WTS. None of them were worth it.

megsmomma

I am upset about this too. When I do get in contact with an old friend out of the org....it is bitter sweet....because it seems all we have in common now is we are out of the org....but life has changed us and we really don't know eachother anymore.

Woofer

I don't have any "old friends" left from the borg but I have made several friends who've I've known for the past 8 years (including one ex-dub).

Finally-Free

No. I threw them away when I joined the cult, and lost all contact. Most of the people I've met since leaving the cult don't quite "get" me, but they put up with me. Family is not much different. Even though we've known each other all our lives it sometimes seems like we're from different worlds. Their world view seems so simplistic to me - they seem to be in the same place they were in 40 years ago. Getting them to consider something from a different perspective seems impossible. They eat, sleep, work, and change the oil in their cars on Saturday afternoons, and nothing else on earth is important to them. They don't question anything, and when I do they look at me as though I've sprouted a second head. It's getting tiring.

W

mariposa

So true! I don't have any old friends, the oldest is from maybe 3/4 years ago and we don't even have that much in common. I've tried lately to find some through my space, etc. but it's hard. I see my husband and he's always got old friends to talk to and I don't have a single one. Just the people I've met online in the last year. I'm trying to find some local moms groups to take my munchkin too, but I wish I could find some ex-jw's too.

AlmostAtheist

but life has changed us and we really don't know eachother anymore

This is huge, too. When we were in the bOrg, we were required to crush ourselves into the "New Personality", so even WE didn't know who we really were.

Even if you're lucky enough to reconnect with pre-bOrg friends, can they say they know you? Maybe. You probably snapped back to what you were before you became a JW. But you surely also changed somewhat.

I've been lucky. One of the people I met while in the bOrg is now an ex-JW and we've reconnected. And I've got a renewed friendship with one of my old friends from school. So there's some old-ness to those relationships.

I like the attitude displayed here. It's not "I don't have ANY friends that I've known for 20 years!" Instead, I've read, "I have some friends I've had for 9 years now." Very positive, good outlook.

Dave

littlerockguy

I have friends I have known for over 20 years but we basically went our separate ways and are no longer close. I do keep in touch with a couple of friends, two in particular, who call me and I call them from time to time. Since we dont live in the same town (they are from my hometown) I dont see them much; however they dont truly know me as well as you describe close friends really knowing you since I was afraid to trust people completely to let them know everything about me.

I guess this place is really the first place that I am getting to really open up more and reveal parts of who I was then as JW and who I am now and who I always was but didn't want to admit to myself. I guess people reading my posts are discovering more about who I am at the same time I am finding out more about myself, lol.

LRG

AK - Jeff

Good Thread, Dave. Pertinent subject.

This is the crux of the 'healing issues' isn't it? When one finally drops the bOrg mentality, he looks about and sees that no one seems to really notice. For awhile - healing was all we did - trying to get over it. And that part, tragically is done without any support often. We have cast off the friends we had 'pre-truth' and haven't yet connected with 'post-truth' friends.

Hopefully someday a large enough portion of Jw's will leave - making it possible to connect with local people that understand our perspective - though we might not choose to make them lifelong friends, they could at least aid those coming out to make the adjustments. In some areas, where large numbers have fled en masse, that might be true now, but not here, where I live.

One issue that was mentioned is an important one I think. Age! I left at nearly 50, and have had a rough time finding friends. I am starting to do that now, but had not even tried to 'make a friend' since I became part of a 'worldwide society of brothers' well over 40 years back now. Our 'friends' were pre-made for us, and they all looked like us, talked like us, and dressed like us. Then we found ourselves in a non-cookie cutter society, in which real social skills are needed to make friends. I was out of practice, and besides, where does one start? I know it must be more difficult still for those who leave at 60, or 70 or older.

I have developed a few friends now. But we have no 'history', and that part is hard. I have not even tried to go back and find those I knew in HS, as there would be nothing in common now. I love people, but I can't really say I have a lot of friends. But as my wife reminds me - those we knew in the 'truth' were not our friends anyway - they were willing to pin the 'Satan' tag on my lapel the day I left the organization, no questions asked - so I consider myself better off no matter how many friends I make - they would have to better than those I left behind -and they are.

Jeff

Do you have any "old friends"?

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