Dear God ( warning might not be for everyone)

by lola28 26 Replies latest jw friends

  • lola28
    lola28

    Are you there? Are you doing this because you hate me? I know I'm not the best person you've ever created so are you doing this to her because you are angry at me? Why are you so cruel? Why have you hurt someone who believes in you the way she does? Why?

    You must know she is the love of my life, I fell in love with her the moment I saw her at the hospital, she was so tiny and beautiful and I knew that I would always take care of her. I taught her how to walk, my name was her first word, I taught her how to love basketball, I walked her to class her first day of middle school, I sat with her when she had surgery.

    I thought the worse was over, and now you do this? How could you! I know what you must be thinking "oh it's not that bad, it could be worse", sure you could have struck her with cancer, but I've been thinking, cancer can be cured, sure it's painful and many don't make it but it can be cured, this can't. So, I wake up each morning feeling this sadness wash over me, because I mourn what you have taken away from her and from me.

    She will never be "normal", I will never be able to take her to a Laker game at night because she will be too tired, if something goes wrong she will never be able to have children, she can't even go outside and feel the the sun in her face because she could get ill.

    My heart aches, I mean it really hurts to the point where I can't breathe, I am asking you if you are there please make it all go away, leave her alone. Take anything you want from me, take my friends my health, take away my ability to have children, strike me dead right NOW because none of these things matter if she is not okay. Do it, kill me now and return her health to her, just take her pain away.

    Lola

  • lonelysheep
    lonelysheep

    (((((((((Lola)))))))))))

  • megsmomma
    megsmomma

    Lola.....I am responding to you, not as an answer from God, but as a friend who can relate. I don't know of anything that I could say to make it all better, but it is OK to be angry and hurt. All the things you have done with your sister, all the memories you have growing up with her are things to hold on to. And you can have more great times. I am so sorry this is happening to your family. Try to just live every day for what it is and appreciate the little things. ((((((((((hugs))))))))))

  • daystar
    daystar

    {{{lola}}} lola... lola... {{{lola}}}

  • I.Wonder
    I.Wonder

    Lola My Heart Aches For You!

    May you both find comfort and strength.

    Hugs and Blessings,

    I.Wonder

  • JH
    JH

    I feel your pain (((Lola))).

    Often I prayed to God, talked gently to him, even yelled at him at times, and nothing seemed to make any difference.

    It's as if he is deaf to our pain, or acts like he doesn't exist. And I was a good JW at the time... So he had no reason not to listen. Or maybe that's why he didn't listen.

    Naturally believers will say it's not God's fault what's happening.

    It's always our fault..... yeah sure...

  • parakeet
    parakeet

    ((((Lola))))

    Is your sister still in the hospital? Has her condition been stabilized?

    It sounds like cold comfort now, but you and your sister will both learn to live within whatever limitations her illness imposes on her. And when that happens, happiness will return -- it always does.

  • Sunspot
    Sunspot

    ((((((((Lola & Little Sis))))))))

    I wish I could think of something comforting and deeply profound to say.....

    but nothing comes to mind, except I am so sorry for your pain.

    hugs,

    Annie

  • lola28
    lola28

    Thank you for the replies, I've never felt like this before but I can honestly say that I feel like dying.

    Lola

  • JamesThomas
    JamesThomas

    Dearest ((Lola)),

    May I suggest that you allow moments throughout the day and night to enter completely into the living presence of pain and sorrow. Leave all thoughts and rationalizations behind. Go into the immediate, silent, raw-energy of the feelings. Openly meet with them without any masking, without any story, and without any embellishment from the mind at all. If thoughts occur, do not fight them, just be still, see them and allow them to pass as you return to open and silent meeting.

    Within such inner surrender there is an opportunity to discover -- at your most intimate center of self -- the unmoving and indescribable pristine purity which witnesses all emotion, feelings and universe. An opportunity to undeniably realize the unbound conscious awareness which you truly are; which your beloved sister truly is. In this Oneness, there is no separation. In this pristine and untouched Oneness, all births and deaths unfold. In this Oneness you are your sister, and she is you, forever unbroken by time, space and circumstance.

    j

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