by Chameleon 14 Replies latest jw friends
Ever been out on the preach, and at somebody's door, and it's just gone very quiet inside and you know that there's somebody there but they're ignoring you? Be that guy.
Or, if it's more complex than that; say they've been sent by your folks, and they know you're there, and you have heard them, and you have to talk to them... be sick. Put on a robe or just strip down to your shorts and mess up your hair, like you've been in bed all day and you have to get back to it or you'll fall over.
Chameleon, I think one day, you just may have to tell your father the truth, about how you feel. With him being an elder and everything, he might try to keep on top of your spirituality, and hound you if you aren't going to meetings. That day is fast approaching for me, and I've been faded for over 8 years.
It is not going to be a pretty site, my parents are going to be VERY angry, and say some ridiculously stooooopid JW crap. I think, sometimes, it comes down to this for a lot us faders.
Stave him off, as best you can, for now, until you decide how to approach him. Best wishes to you.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY FOKYC.....
When the active JWs come to your door, do you listen and take whatever they're offering, or do you not open the door?
Personal choices apply. I never ignore that knock on my door, however I'm much older.... been around quite awhile. I refuse to live in fear of facing up to people I know how to deal with. The worst thing witnesses can come up against is someone with even more kindness then THEY are capable of. As for taking the literature....if you do that's a guarantee of a return visit...if you refuse and they know you're a fader (in a new area/congregation) that's a guarantee of a visit by at least an elder and servant.
I'm planning to fade, but I am sure that my father (elder) will insist on knowing which cong. I'm attending. What should I do then?
Unless you plan on telling him of your intention to fade you'll have to have your records sent to another congregation. Plus, he'll probably be checking in with the elders of that congregation and may even pay a visit to see how you're settling in. (This is all a guess not knowing your family's dsyfuctional level.)
brzfst
Unless you plan on telling [your father] of your intention to fade you'll have to have your records sent to another congregation. Plus, he'll probably be checking in with the elders of that congregation and may even pay a visit to see how you're settling in. (This is all a guess not knowing your family's dsyfuctional level.)
brzfst
I agree. A fade is slow. You can leave suddenly if you are prepared to tell Dad what's up. You have to decide if family would cut you off if you told them the truth all at once, we wouldn't know. We will guess that it is probable that loyalty to the WTS will win the day for them.
If you want to fade with a move, you either become inactive in your old congregation then move away with no forwarding information for the BOE or inactive in the old cong. with a move, then forwarding your records, but never really going to the meetings. If you do either of these, you have to say something to Dad. OR you move, slowly become inactive in a new congregation away from Dad's influence.
I know in your last thread, you talked about a slow fade with your current living situation. Whatever you do, take your time deciding how to best acheive your goals. Don't rush to get out, unless that's your decision and you are prepared to face any consequences.
Welcome Chameleon,
I'd have to agree with Delilah. I think you should be prepared to tell your parents the truth. Even if you do try to be covert about things there's still a good chance that they'll have to find out sooner or later. Do they ever plan to visit? If they do, they'll no doubt want to attend a meeting with you. And depending on whether or not they plan to help you move this might come sooner rather than later. You're the best judge, of course, as to the likelihood of either of those two things.
Every body of elders is different - some more micromanaging than others. I managed to fade without a single visit from the elders. I was still attending my family's congregation when I stopped attending meetings and I told them that I wasn't coming back before I missed my first meeting. My father is an elder and I think he may be the reason that the elders never visited - ie - at his request. For many though, this is not the case. If the elders do get your publisher cards whether or not you come to a meeting they may call on you to "encourage" you and inquire about your spiritual state.
If you do decide to keep this from your parents for as long as you can just be prepared that you are just prolonging the inevitable. You will not be able to hide forever. If you go ahead and tell them then it's more likely that you'll be in control of the situation and not caught off guard.
Best of luck whatever you decide to do.
girasole
