Breaking my silence (page 3)

dawgfan

I know that its not completely watchtower policies that are splitting us up. On my side of the equation is all the missed time we could have had together to work out our problems that was instead spent in "Jehovah's" service rather than with me and on her side is me not being able to go to the meetings with her and be her spiritual "Head". Plus I'm not perfect and haven't always been but I don't think I've ever been SO bad.

I know that she wasn't being a faithful witness by marrying me. I seemed idealistic at the time to think that would provide me with an inroad of being able to save her from them.
I also know that their policies are against divorce because that has torn at her also.

On the way out:

At this point in the breakup, I'm not only looking at all the past mistakes but also about what the future would be for me if it did stay. I don't think its be beneficial to me and my own sanity to stay and if given the choice, I would rather remain single than to think about bringing to life a child that would be raised as a Jehovah's witness. Also, her parents are very faithful JWs and she loves them too much to ever lose them. I often internally struggled with what the "fallout" would be if I was able to get her out of the cult. Plus while her actions may indicate that she wasn't following the organizations rules about outsiders, she cannot accept believing anything other than what is printed by the WTS

I don't really ask for anything right now from anyone other empathy. I'd like to think that my contribution would be knowing that I could help others avoid my mistakes.

dawgfan

I know that its not completely watchtower policies that are splitting us up. On my side of the equation is all the missed time spent in "Jehovah's" service rather than me and on her side is me not being able to go to the meetings with her and be her spiritual "Head". Plus I'm not perfect and haven't always been but I don't think I've ever been SO bad.
I know that she wasn't being a faithful witness by marrying me. I seemed idealistic at the time to think that would provide me with an inroad of being able to save her from them.
I also know that their policies are against divorce because that has torn at her also.
On the way out: At this point in the breakup, I'm not only looking at all the past mistakes but also about what the future would be for me if it did stay. I don't think its be beneficial to me and my own sanity to stay and if given the choice, I would rather remain single than to think about bringing to life a child that would be raised as a Jehovah's witness.
Also, her parents are very faithful JWs and she loves them too much to ever lose them. I often internally struggled with what the "fallout" would be if I was able to get her out.
I don't really ask for anything right now from anyone other empathy. I'd like to think that my contribution would be knowing that I could help others avoid my mistakes.

dawgfan

I know that its not completely watchtower policies that are splitting us up. On my side of the equation is all the missed time spent in "Jehovah's" service rather than me and on her side is me not being able to go to the meetings with her and be her spiritual "Head". Plus I'm not perfect and haven't always been but I don't think I've ever been SO bad.
I know that she wasn't being a faithful witness by marrying me. I seemed idealistic at the time to think that would provide me with an inroad of being able to save her from them.
I also know that their policies are against divorce because that has torn at her also.
On the way out: At this point in the breakup, I'm not only looking at all the past mistakes but also about what the future would be for me if it did stay. I don't think its be beneficial to me and my own sanity to stay and if given the choice, I would rather remain single than to think about bringing to life a child that would be raised as a Jehovah's witness.
Also, her parents are very faithful JWs and she loves them too much to ever lose them. I often internally struggled with what the "fallout" would be if I was able to get her out.
I don't really ask for anything right now from anyone other empathy. I'd like to think that my contribution would be knowing that I could help others avoid my mistakes.

Clam

Welcome Dawgfan. Very sad state of affairs but you're right, it's a blessing you haven't got any children. Not only would they be torn by the worldly/JW double life when you were together, but now they'd be part of a physically broken home. Sounds like you and Mrs Dawgfan have gradually grown apart but your love for her has remained. It's sad but hopefully you can move on and be grateful that the cult doesn't touch your life anymore. Stick around and be part of this community. Hopefully it will help you heal. You're not alone.

OnTheWayOut

You have our empathy. We reach out with whatever support you need.

You really care about her, putting her well-being and family relations so high
after this devastation starts.

juni

Welcome Dawgfan; nice to have you with us and sharing your story.

Dawgfan said:

I'd like to think that my contribution would be knowing that I could help others avoid my mistakes.

I know you have already because this question has been raised about marrying JWs. Now you can continue to help out those ones who are having the decision to make.

Thankfully you didn't have children. Divorce is hard enough on 2 adults. And you're right about raising kids in the religion. You spared a lot of heartache!

I wish you the very best; it sounds like you are making sound decisions so that you can find true happiness w/another woman.

Best to you,

Juni

under_believer

On my side of the equation is all the missed time we could have had together to work out our problems that was instead spent in "Jehovah's" service rather than with me and on her side is me not being able to go to the meetings with her and be her spiritual "Head".

That is an excellent point, actually--while the WTS didn't directly break up your marriage, there's no question that there is an indirect negative effect.

dawgfan

yeah, this topic comes up once in awhile on other message boards (religious and non-religious) and I've felt bad about not making comments -whether or not I may have made any difference

when I got home last night, i found the new "tract" stuck in my doorway that everyone has discussed - it weighed on me pretty heavy at the time - i decided at that point that if the JWs are going to step up their witnessing then there could be many new victims that are unaware of their techniques - i thought maybe I should become more visible and accessible to others about how living with a JW and the lifestyle that a JW committs to really is

i don't have the perspective that many of you do because I never became a JW or was raised one (although I was desparate enough at one point thinking that I could try to go to meetings or studies that it could save my marriage - im glad i didnt go through with that) but if i could convince only ONE person not to go through what I did, then I could feel a little justified by all the pain

LovesDubs

Welcome Dawg honey...and big hugs from all of us who GET IT about your situation :) YOu know that old expression marry me marry my family? Well you married her and got the Watchtower Babble and Trash Society as your inlaws. She obviously was telling everybody that she was going to pull you into the fold after marriage in order to justify marrying you in the first place, and when that didnt happen, then the pressure was on her to dump you and get herself a "spiritual brother"...and yes they DO encourage JW spouses to dump their nonJW spouses. Having seen it many times myself including with my own JW husband after I left the JWs. They see you as a spiritual endangerment to her and like you said..her family is in and her only problem is...well...you...keeping her from being truly "happy" as a JW. Its not you. And there isnt anything you can do about their cult thinking. nada. There probably were other things in the marriage which added to her decision to leave but coming home from that trip with her mind made up about leaving says that people influence her life decisions heavily, and the fact that she discussed it with THEM and not YOU shows her total lack of respect for you.

You are blessed in that there arent any children from this marriage honey...so you can make a clean break. She is not allowed to remarry now unless you commit fornication or remarry. So if she was leaving you for "greener pastures' there will be a price to pay on her end. She should never have gotten involved with you let alone marry you, in the first place...and she knows it..hence the boycott of the wedding by her JW relatives. Snooty bastards.

Im sure after all you read here perhaps you might have done differently and not married her to begin with..but the woulda shoulda coulda's wont help you heal your pain. They may help you not make the same mistake again. Now at least you know what you DONT want in the relationship next go around....NO CULTS! :) Dont let this experience put you off finding your significant other..Ive had many and married three of em. Sometimes you gotta kiss a lot of toads before you find your prince(ss).

Hang around with us...we understand where you are. And again...many hugs M'Dawg.

LovesDubs

Quandry

Wanted to say WELCOME, also. Hope things go better for you soon. Great to have you here.

Breaking my silence

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