I can see you all got your "jollies" this am Must say I had a laugh>So I got mine too
IRISH HUMOUR
by ania 25 Replies latest social humour
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Dansk
Did you hear about the Irish tadpole? It turned into a butterfly!
Ian
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brutusmaximus
Pat and Mick are in prison and have managed to file the bars away but now have to work out away to get down
Pat; we can tie the blankets together and shimmy down that way
Mick; That won't work they won't reach the ground
Pat; I know we can use the torch, we shine it out the window and then one of us slides down the beam to the ground
Mick; Are you mental, I know you, half way down you'll turn the bloody thing off and let me fall
BM
Half Irish as well
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Cordelia
two irishmen in bed,
one turns to the other and says
'dont think much of this wife swopping lark do you?'
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Gadget
Ireland has just suffered its worst ever plane crash. A small 2 seater plane crashed into a cemetry just outside Dublin. So far police have recovered 342 bodies, and the search continues.
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Faolan
Aer Lingus Flight 101 was flying from Heathrow to Dublin one night, with Paddy the Pilot, and Seamus the co-pilot. As they approached Dublin airport, they looked out the front window.
"B'jeesus" said Paddy "Will ye look at how fookin short dat runway is".
"You're not fookin kiddin, Paddy" replied Seamus.
"Dis is gonna be one a' de trickiest landings you're ever gonna see" said Paddy.
"You're not fookin kiddin, Paddy" replied Seamus.
"Right Seamus. When I give de signal, you put de engines in reverse" said Paddy.
"Right, I'll be doing dat" replied Seamus.
"And den ye put de flaps down straight away" said Paddy.
"Right, I'll be doing dat" replied Seamus.
"And den ye stamp on dem brakes as hard as ye can" said Paddy.
"Right, I'll be doing dat" replied Seamus.
"And den ye pray to de Mother Mary with all a' yur soul" said Paddy.
"I be doing dat already" replied Seamus.
So they approached the runway with Paddy and Seamus full of nerves and sweaty palms. As soon as the wheels hit the ground, Seamus put the engines in reverse, put the flaps down, stamped on the brakes and prayed to Mother Mary with all of his soul. Amidst roaring engines, squealing of tires and lots of smoke, the plane screeched to a halt centimeters from the end of the runway, much to the
relief of Paddy and Seamus and everyone on board. As they sat in the cockpit regaining their
composure, Paddy looked out the front window and said to Seamus "Dat has gotta be de shortest fookin runway I have EVER seen in me whole life".
Seamus looked out the side window and replied "Yeah Paddy, but look how fookin wide it is. -
RunningMan
An Irishman walks into a bar and the bartender looks at him and says, "Did you know there's a steering wheel sticking out of the fly of your pants?"
The Irishman replies, "Aye, and it's drivin' me nuts."
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ania
Mike and his pregnant wife live on a farm in the distant rural regions.
No running water, no electricity, etc. One night, Mikes' wife begins
to deliver the baby. The local doctor is there in attendance. "What d'ya
want me to do, Doctor?" "Hold the lantern, Mikey. Here it comes!" the
doctor delivers the child and holds it up for the proud father to see.
"Mike, you're the proud father of a fine strapping boy." "Saints be
praised, I..." Before Mike can finish the Doctor interrupts, "Wait a
minute. Hold the lantern, Mikey." Soon the doctor delivers the next
child. "You've a full set now, Mikey. A beautiful baby daughter."
"Thanks be to..." Again the Doctor cuts in, "Hold the lantern, Mikey,
Hold the lantern!" Soon the Doctor delivers a third child. The doctor
holds up the baby for Mike's inspection. "Doctor," asks Mike, "Do you
think it's the light that's attracting them?" -
ania
Mrs. Pete Monaghan came into the newsroom to pay for her husband's
obiturary. She was told by the kindly newsman that it was a dollar a word
and he remembered Pete and wasn't it too bad about him passing away.She
thanked him for his kind words and bemoaned the fact that she only had two
dollars. But she wrote out the obituary, "Pete died."The newsman said he
thought old Pete deserved more and he'd give her three more words at no
charge. Mrs. Pete Monaghan thanked him and rewrote the obituary: "Pete
died. Boat for sale"