" What do you do when a old Boyfriend wants to meet up for dinner........"
I just keep reminding myself, "you're not gay, you're not gay".
What do you do when a old Boyfriend wants to meet up for dinner........
by whyamihere 56 Replies latest jw friends
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bebu
"Ask Amy", the newspaper advice column recently had a letter on this subject, referring to an earlier question from a reader. Here it is:
Dear Amy:
In your column, I have been reading about "exes" who re-enter lives. As a wife who has seen an ex almost ruin my marriage, I would say that couples need to make sure that everything is on the level with all parties. What started out appearing to be an innocent overture of renewed friendship between my husband and his first serious girlfriend turned into a nightmare for me.
It all started out innocently enough -- they ran into each other one day at a local store and exchanged phone numbers. He told me about it that evening, stating that they wanted our families to get to know one another. I begrudgingly agreed.
The "ex" called him several times after that, but she refused to actually talk to me on the phone or in person. There were many long phone calls, lunch dates over the next two years, demonstrating that she really only wanted to be in contact with him.
Unfortunately, one thing led to another.
We have gotten past the incident, but I must confess I am a whole lot less trusting of people's intentions these days.
Trust Your Intuition
You are absolutely right about intuition. Intuition is nature's gift to us, giving us the tools to avoid dangerous situations.
As I have said in this space, unless an ex is willing to come over for dinner and get to know the entire family, these friendships should be avoided.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/09/30/AR2006093001336_2.html
It might be best to keep your husband in the picture, just so everyone is clear about relationships.
Good luck!
bebu
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Stephanus
We women are such suckers but the men know what other men are up to and they smell a rat.
Yep, some men can play the "Let's just be friends" game quite patiently for years.
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Abaddon
Meet up.
If your relationship is so weak and insecure you have to make believe like you were a Virgin before you met to avoid your other half behaving like a baby, well, dot dot dot.
By all means, if you think your x ain't all innocent in THEIR motives, make it a communal meet up. But don't let the insecurity and immaturity of your other half stop you doing what you would otherwise want to do. You are not property. Not that being property is a bad thing, LOL.
Guys can still feel fond for ex's and not **** them. Since I've been in a serious relationship I've stayed over with and even shared beds with ex's and not ****ed them, I've seen them change for bed (ooooo! boobies, LOL). I am a randy bastard and amasingly I manage not to **** them.
I don't think I am that ****ing unique. Don't pander to insecurity, just be cognisent and sympathetic to it whilst doing what you would do anyway (thus meeting up together being a good option).
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AK - Jeff
Brooke - You are a big girl, and smart.
If you want to meet him, do so. If you suspect that something is up, pop out pictures of the hubby and kids, the house the dogs, etc.
Control the subject matter.
Don't go if you think there is any danger -if the guy is a weirdo or something. Otherwise, if hubby has no problem with it, enjoy the best steak in the place.
Jeff
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zagor
Well according to Dr. Nancy Kalish book "Lost and Found Lovers" some of the best relationships are rekindled after long seperation. The danger is, she says if one of them is now married to someone else because when old flames reconnect, they get swept away by feelings they didn’t realize they still had, placing marriages – even good marriages, at risk.
Kalish interviewed a thousand people who had at least one face-to-face encounter with an ex while they were married. Of these people, 82 percent of them had extramarital affairs with their exes! And about half went so far as to divorce their current spouse for their former love - even though many of them were happily married! -
kerj2leev
Sorry guys we are dealing with human nature, not ones insecurities! After trying to be the cool husband that didn't have a problem with this type of situation, I am now the cool ex husband. Zagor has bought up excellent points, we had what i thought was a strong marriage, but even that can be broken.
You seem to be getting a twinge in your senses that something isn't right! So if it is cool with your hubby to meet, then make it a lunch, not dinner thing. Bring the kids show him this is your life now and how happy you are. Above all keep it ALCOHOL free.