The Capable Wife....

LivingInReality

Right before I got disfellowshipped in 2002 I was sitting in the Kingdom Hall listening to an elder give a public needs talk.....and this one floored me.

So the brother starts talking about what it means to be a capable wife...of course all of the scriptures and regular bullshit we've heard over and over....but then he goes on to say...."so what I'm saying sisters is.... to save money to help with the household you can make a garden and get food from that to make your dinners.... you can learn how to sew so that you can make your own clothes instead of spending money to go and buy them at expensive department stores.... and you could look into your circumstances to see if its feasible for you to quit your jobs to stay home and run the household....blah blah blah.." I can't much remember the rest because my head had blown up to the size of Jupiter with the hot steam I was about to let go in the middle of the talk. I decided it was better to get up and go... and I did.

I only mention this now...because (now divorced from my Ministerial Servant husband of 10 years), I am a single mother that has worked her ass off not only in the secular world, but now as a mother raising two children, getting my college degree and maintaining every avenue of the household responsibilities on my own. And dear god, I feel a failure because I'm not wearing my apron caning my vegetables that I grew from my garden whilst sewing my children's clothes.....

Can you imagine? I get such a good laugh over the Neanderthals that still roam the earth.....

Do tell women, do tell..... what are some of the craziest "suggestions" that you've heard.

good day all

shannon

bubble

What century do they actually think we're in???

Also, do they think we all want to be Amish???

Thank god I don't have to listen to that BS any more.

Dansk

...."so what I'm saying sisters is.... to save money to help with the household you can make a garden and get food from that to make your dinners.... you can learn how to sew so that you can make your own clothes instead of spending money to go and buy them at expensive department stores.... and you could look into your circumstances to see if its feasible for you to quit your jobs to stay home and run the household...."

So what's wrong with that?

Ian

Good Girl or Bad Girl?

So the brother starts talking about what it means to be a capable wife...of course all of the scriptures and regular bullshit we've heard over and over....but then he goes on to say...."so what I'm saying sisters is.... to save money to help with the household you can make a garden and get food from that to make your dinners.... you can learn how to sew so that you can make your own clothes instead of spending money to go and buy them at expensive department stores.... and you could look into your circumstances to see if its feasible for you to quit your jobs to stay home and run the household....blah blah blah.." I can't much remember the rest because my head had blown up to the size of Jupiter with the hot steam I was about to let go in the middle of the talk. I decided it was better to get up and go... and I did.
I only mention this now...because (now divorced from my Ministerial Servant husband of 10 years), I am a single mother that has worked her ass off not only in the secular world, but now as a mother raising two children, getting my college degree and maintaining every avenue of the household responsibilities on my own. And dear god, I feel a failure because I'm not wearing my apron caning my vegetables that I grew from my garden whilst sewing my children's clothes.....

OMG, I got mad just now reading this.

Um, OK what about a capable husband?

Welcome to the board, LivingInReality. Don't worry, success isn't measured by the size of your vegetable garden, lady. Ignore those chauvinistic pigs and their 16th century ideas. They are stupid.

Good Girl or Bad Girl?

Do tell women, do tell..... what are some of the craziest "suggestions" that you've heard.

Well I have been told umpteen times that the reason why my boyfriend at the time and I got into "trouble" was because I dressed provocatively (I so did not) and seduced him, and he can't help himself, he's just a man.

LOL, WOW, OK, way to give your sex credit, brothers. Excellent.

Fleur

Hi Shannon! Welcome to the forum, I can tell you're going to be a marvelous edition to our Estrogen Department LOL

I would have to say "Be a better wife, and pray more." was the worst thing they said to me. This was said to me personally on a shepherding call when I begged the elders for help with my husband's temper.

They also added "Don't be like Job's wife. When Job was depressed instead of comforting him his wife told him to just curse god and die. You have to be supportive when he's depressed."

Depressed! He was abusing me! But they had blinders on, I was the PO's daughter in law, and there was no way they were going to find fault with allmighty HIS son.

Single parents are heroes. I was one for a couple years but not so long as I am still not totally in awe of people who do it for years. I barely qualified. You all are winning the war every day, and I take my hat off to you.

Again, welcome!

hugs

essie

rebel8

I read that growing 1 tomato plant takes 30 gallons of water or something like that. Add to that the $ lost for you being out of the workforce, and all the energy costs associated with canning....fertilizer...seeds....pesticide.....what did you really save? I canned some stuff last yr just so I could see what it was like. It takes forever and didn't save me any $ at all. It's much cheaper to clip coupons and buy cans of tomatoes when they're buy one get one free.

Department stores are often cheaper too. Fabric is expensive. Department stores have clothes dirt cheap if you buy them at the end of the season. It makes no sense to buy fabric, a sewing machine, supplies, and a pattern and spend a day making yourself a blouse. It's cheaper to spend the day working, spend 2 hours of your pay on a blouse from a store, and pocket the remainder.

That advice would be true if we were living on Little House on the Prarie, but not feasible today. Just another way to keep women dependent and subservient....

alt

Effervescent

Rebel got it right.... this guy's a total dork who has NO IDEA what he's talking about. Nowadays it's not cost effective at all to make your own clothes and can your food. Clearance racks and coupons will take you a whole lot farther! That being said... I love to sew, and make clothes for my girls all the time, but just because its a hobby I love. And gardening is very time consuming... especially if you have to grow enough to feed your family for a year!

Pretty much all of the rules and regulations surrounding women in the congregation are silly. It's all a bunch of overblown men trying to assert their authority over anyone they can. Especially if a woman is raised a JW, they can become an easy target. (this might not be true for everyone... but I know it took YEARS for me to get the idea out of my head that I had to submit to my husband's and other men's authority)

Schism

My husband is a non-believer, and he does NOT want to be my boss, as it is I who does the remodeling of the house (down to the drywall). the painting, fixing of things, etc. He would be LOST if I was sitting around waiting for him to give me "feminine" orders. We believe that a marriage is mutual and that domestic chores are NOT feminine, but a job for whoever is available to do them at the moment. In other words, if it's dirty, clean it! LOL. I've never understood why a penis is supposed to be in charge. I also never got the whole "weaker vessel" thing. I mean, my dad is a big man, and if he catches a cold he is like a big baby about it! Doesn't a woman's pelvis split ever so slightly during labor? And the monthly blood-fest? It hurts like nothing I've ever felt (my mom admits that a bad period is WORSE pain than the 3 natural born children she had because the pain is the same, but lasts LONGER!) I guess something like that is varied from woman to woman, but my family has a history of exhausting, cold sweat, fall onto the floor and black out in agony periods.

Who is weaker?

That being said, I love to sew (but it is not cheap). Also, I don't work, because I don't want to. I used to work (and made more than the husband...mind you), and I hated it. I will go to college instead. These guys need to get out of the stone-age. A lot of guys get the impression that their mind-set is correct because of the ditsy women they know. Maybe the only reason they are ditsy is because they were told to be so when growing up (or that they got the impression that this was how real women acted, and subconsciously adopted that personality). I could be wrong, but I have yet to see anything prove the JW women mentality to be valid!

My man and I think it is a joke, and get a good laugh out of it because when we disagree about something, he says, "SUBMIT!!", as a joke, and it is hysterical to imagine a JW man saying that and honestly MEANING it! Hah! Goobers...

Cheers!

greendawn

Wives used to do those things in set ups that no longer exist in the Western world, people that knit and grow their food nowadays do it as a hobby that they enjoy.

The Capable Wife....

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