Hiya awol and welcome. That sounds like a horrible mess. It's terrible that even though you've done your best to quietly remove yourself from the JWs, some tool with an attitude decides to do this. My mum said recently that I should have just done what we would call a 'fade', but I don't think there are many people who can do that for life and not have some kind of shunning happen to them, or eventually run into some twonk who gets a bee in their bonnet and wants them outed. It's sad.
Be brave, and any opportunity you get, tell her you love her. They can only find their own way out, nobody can be hurried or helped out, just supported.