family disowning you!!

by awol 21 Replies latest jw experiences

  • awol

    After 8 yrs not being a JW (not dfd just left)... my b.i.l has decided for the good of HIS family that they are NOT to associate with me! My sis was like my best friend, and now .... after they had marital difficulties (which he knows only the half of, cos she has kept her mouth shut) he has now become a mini man!! He has told my sis and my beautiful nieces and nephews that they cannot associate or speak to me at all. I have 3 other bro and sis's - my bro is dfd (so they wont talk to him either) and one of my sisters too. Our youngest sis is living with partner but never baptised.... so they can associate with her!!! (in his words.... she can still be saved!) If I go back to the meetings and confess ALL and then marry my partner then he will reconsider!!!! ffs! This is all from the man who drove over to my house 8 months ago drunk as a skunk wondering where my sis was (well she was out having fun)... and now denies he even touches the evil stuff! Who, doesnt work and draws benefits so he and my sis can be at home with the kids and door knock all day long... more like so he can watch my sis doesnt get interested in another guy cos she's so unhappy! When I rang her (for the last time) I asked her why she was "going along with this" she said for the kids... he will kick her out if she doesn't go along with him, without the kids and that will be that!

    It is not like I would EVER try to tell them how to live their lives... I don't agree or believe at all, but I wouldn't be so disrespectful to push that on them (or the kids).

    More likely they are worried that if they dare let the children even talk to a non believer, they might turn out bad!! Btw, they asked my mum (who they are allowed to talk to as she is just fallen away) if she is gonna die at armageddon.... yeah with me! Nice one.

    I had to explain this to my partner - who cannot believe the reasoning behind all this. He then went on to ask why so and so a friend is "allowed" to talk to me then? I have a few good friends who are witnesses and yes, they call and see me regularly.... how come they see it one way and he sees it another!! He said he is protecting his family.

    Had to vent ...... no one understands really do they! God, I can't believe I might of treated people like this!!

    Think my sis loves the association and just pops to the hall to see her mates.... she is in denial!

  • morty

    Welcome to the board awol....

    You can vent all you want here....There are plenty here that will support you....It is ashame when on own family does not see the light...

    ..sounds to me like your sister is not happy either hopefully, she will soon...

    stick around here for a while as there will be lots of advice for you....

  • fullofdoubtnow

    Hi awol, and welcome to the board.

    You bil sounds like a typical power - crazed jw, taken his first step up the ladder so he has to assert his authority. I hope your sister comes to her senses, and sees that there is far more to gained from associating with you than staying with the jw cult.

  • awol

    No way she won't. I told her I will never "spill the beans" on what she got up to .... twice. I said to her, does she believe - she says "yes". I said "okay, then if you believe then you also will die at armaggden, as you are hiding your "sin"" I did ask her if she has "confessed" to the elders or her husband... "NO". So, basically, she is only there "for the kids". She is so easy going, she will get involved and bury her head. She will just make as many friends as she can and carry on drinking!

    Oh, and they moved last week: to a really bad area. Why? Because my BIL said the organisation has told them all to move as close to a KH as possible!? Even though this area is riddled with drugs, murders in the road etc... they have four kids under 10 ffs! Armaggedon will not come and the kids will now be subject to all sorts of terrible things!


  • Good Girl or Bad Girl?
    Good Girl or Bad Girl?


    WELCOME to the board!

    This is my story too! Brother-in-law on a power trip, sister just going along with the JW's because she's not strong enough to lose social circle, baby sister left and is unbaptized, lives with her boyfriend for last two years but they invite/include her because she never got baptized, niece and nephew, who are the loves of my life, and I'm forbidden to see them, I am not DF'd, just walked away.

    This is WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG! I'm so sorry you have to go through this evil hateful treatment. You do NOT deserve it!

    How long has it been? Perhaps in time they will come around a bit when they realize they want you in their lives. My bro-in-law has secretly (and at times not-so-secretly) hated me for as long as he has been with my sister. She was one of my best friends but he took this "opportunity" to cut me out of his life so I wouldn't be his problem anymore. So he acts like he's the most righteous Witness out there when in reality I know the things he does and what kind of person he is - not a Christian, that's for sure.

    For me the hardest part is the way my mom treats me. But it does get easier in time. And the other option for us is to go back and live the robotic unfulfilling lives we lived before. We are stronger than that!!

    Take good care, awol , you will meet many people here who are caring and understanding and know the true meaning of love.

    Good Girl or Bad Girl

  • Good Girl or Bad Girl?
    Good Girl or Bad Girl?

    I understand this feeling so so much, awol. I'm so sorry, hunny, you don't deserve to have this hurt and pain in your heart. This man should not interfere with your life with your blood-and-flesh sister like this!

  • lisavegas420

    Must be the week from hell....

    So sorry you are going through this. Know you are now alone.

    my story...from yesterday...


  • awol

    Oh my god, I think we live a parallel life good girl!

    My BIL hated me since being with my sis too... and yep, this was his opportunity to get her away from me! using the witnesses as a good excuse.... told him that too!

    This happened about 3 months ago now and I have grown to accept it. He is wrong. He has to live with that.

    I have been out of the "truth" for about 10 yrs though.

  • Gill

    Welcome Awol! Sorry for your difficulties with you BIL! That sounds like one crazy disfunctional family. Not surprising coming from a crazy, disfunctional cult, really. It's quite amazing how some men get 'all religious' when they feel threatened by their unstable marriages.

    I hope your sister sees some sense soon.

  • unbeliever
    My BIL hated me since being with my sis too... and yep, this was his opportunity to get her away from me! using the witnesses as a good excuse.... told him that too!

    That is what I was thinking that your bil viewed you as some kind of threat ie that you have influence in her life. He seems desperate to hold on to her and he has to know that all is not well in their marriage. He probably knows deep down that she cheated but is in denial. He might even hold you responsible for some of her actions because he knows you have a close relationship and know her activites and did not say anything. A marriage like that won't last long. Your sister will get ansty again and go back to partying. It will be a matter of time before your bil will have to come out of denial and/or your sister is caught. Guess who your sister will coming running to when that happens? You!!

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