Divorce Rate of Those When Young??

by buffalosrfree 15 Replies latest jw friends

  • jaguarbass

    When your married at such a young age you feel kind of like some of your freedom is over, all of a sudden you have to take care of someone else, when you really have not learned how to take care of yourself.


  • Seeker4

    I was married when I was 20 and my wife was 18! By the time I was 22 I was a father, and by the time I was 27, I had three kids.

    Before I was married, I had very little chance to travel, to meet other women (my wife and I had liked each other from the time she was 13 and I was 15, agreed we'd marry each other two years later), I had just a high school education and lived in a part of the country with limited job opportunities.

    We had a great marriage, but there were always struggles with money, and I mainly worked jobs that I really hated. After the kids were grown, I began having serious problems believing what I had always thought - that Jehovah's Witnesses had The Truth. I stopped going and lost my faith in the Witnesses completely, even though I was an elder and a 3rd generation Witness with lots of family still in. My wife, also 3rd generation, stayed.

    I started to feel that I had settled for a lot in life, and missed out on a lot. My wife, 110 pounds when we married, had gained a lot of weight over the last 10 years, and I struggled to still want her physcially the way I always had. I began meeting more people that had the interests that I had - art, music, literature, culture. Some of those people had an interest in me, and that led to some problems. My wife and I worked them out, successfully, or so I thought. But with one of those people, I just couldn't shake the feeling I had for her, though we didn't see each other for nearly three years. When we did connect once again, I struggled with how I felt, wanting to be with her, even though she really tried to discourage me.

    I think part of all this was feeling at mid-age that I'd given my life to something at too great a cost, and I didn't want to die feeling I was settling for a life that I no longer wanted to be in, but was staying in because I was with a good friend and I owed her that. When you have to struggle to stay faithful to someone, that is a really bad sign. I knew it would create huge problems for me, but in the end we seperated. It will be two years tomorrow when I moved in with Lori. I've been divorced about 18 months now, after a 32 year marriage.

    I hate the pain I've caused my ex-wife and kids, and I don't think they have any understanding about why all this happened, and it's going to be a long time before that is close to being worked out. This has not been an enjoyable experience in many ways.

    Witnesses have to marry young, for the most part. My best friend married a 16 year old - they divorced six years ago. Witness kids are in general forced into making life altering decisions - skipping higher education, getting baptized, picking a marriage mate – before they reach the legal drinking age! It's insane, and at least partly to blame for my own experience.


  • kerj2leev

    I don't think that there is much difference between people who marry young then people who wait! Last time I checked the divorce rate is over 50%, this includes people who have waited. In fact 67% of second marriages end in divorce! I think it has more to due with the "disposable society" that we live in. Its easier to walk away than try to fix it.

    I also think that there is some fanatsies about what a marriage actually is. You have been raised to think that Prince charming is going to come along, sweep you off your feet and live happily ever after. This may be the case for awhile, but the reality is, marriage is work, hard work that takes dedication, devotion and communication. I feel that we at times make unrealistic demands on our partners based on what we feel is the ideal marriage. If the line of communication is not there then these negative feelings fester into unhappiness.

  • Calico Ethel
    Calico Ethel

    I felt that when my ex-husband and I argued, it was mostly over the dumbest and most pathetic things. Kerj is right...marriage takes A LOT of work...many people don't realize that you have to constantly work at things, you can't think that you've overcome ALL obsticles that may arise during a marriage because there will always be another one waiting for you somewhere down the road. But I still feel that even though it takes a lot of work and dedication on both the husband and wifes part, it's still worth it to take that step with someone you know really well and if you know you are both good at communicating, it shouldn't be a problem. When the communication stops, that's when the marriage stops... that's just my opinion on it...

  • greendawn

    "I left after 4 years . . I didn't care if I was d/f and lost my entire family (which is what ended up happening) I just needed out!"

    That's an interesting twist to getting married too young you could later end up losing all your friends and family if things don't work out.

    In the past people in society used to get married young but never had problems to this extend perhaps back then they all had very similar expectations and values, an identical idea as to what marriage should be about.

  • fullofdoubtnow

    There were 7 or 8 teenage marriages in our cong while I was in, and only one couple are still together. All the rest are divorced, one or both partners df'd or da'd. They got married for sex, nad when the novelty wore off and the harsh reality of their situattion sank in, they realised the mistake they had made, and went their separate ways.

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