For those raised as Witnesses ... What was your personal crossroad?

by The wanderer 14 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  The wanderer

  The Crossroads

  In life there will be many times in which an individual
  will come to a fork in the road or to a crossroad. The
  question is?which road will he or she take?

  Your Personal Crossroad

  This discussion is aimed at the individuals who had
  to leave family and friends behind in the organization.
  There are a number of questions that individuals who
  have never had to experience something this devastating
  need to understand. For example:

  1.) How long did it take you to decide to leave the organization
  once you knew it was no longer the "truth" ?
  
  2.) How much harder of an influence was it to weigh the decisions
  on leaving, realizing you had family and friends in the organization ?
  
  3.) If you had to do everything all over again would you have done
  things differently or exactly the same ?

  Please post your commentary in order to help yourself and others
  involved and to educate those with interest in this issue.

  Respectfully,

  The Wanderer
• 

  AK - Jeff

  1.) How long did it take you to decide to leave the organization
  once you knew it was no longer the "truth" ?

  As most I suppose, I had lingering 'doubts' that nagged for a lot of years. Once I had it put together, we left immediately. Never sat foot inside a kingdom hall again. I have been invited to the kh in two weeks for a JC meeting in which the elders would like to DF me now. I will not go to that meeting either. Why break a three year record? IN 43. OUT 3.
  2.) How much harder of an influence was it to weigh the decisions
  on leaving realizing you had family and friends in the organization ?

  IT became the only factor. Then shortly thereafter the 'brotherhood' began to 'shun' us in public and it made that easier to deal with. My wife has more relatives in than me, so we have taken the tac of my 'apostacy' being the center matter should it become an issue [which it has just this week with the letter inviting me to the JC meeting]. This is the 'hook' the society uses to trap many I think. My conscience will not let me be hypocritical [though I understand why some feel they must].
  3.) If you had to do everything all over again would you have done
  things differently or exactly the same ?

  Exactly the same. Find out it isn't the truth. Leave. Tell some of what you know. Get charged with apostasy. Tell 'em to kiss my ass. Get disfellowshipped. Smile and get on with life. Can't change the past, and can't erase the situation. Can only live honestly and with integrity in spite of what any Book Publishing Club want to do to me. Once it is done, no matter the investment, one must find a way to heal and get on with life.

  Jeff
• 

  Jerohobobonadad

  Hello all.

  For me, the whole "Truth" thing never really fitted. I come from a family with a strong WTBS tradition. I am third generation, elder dad/ elder grandparents/ uncles etc. I have 2 relatives of the "Annointed" (one deceased). I was always encouraged to get baptised, but never did. I went through phases of being quite keen as I suppose everyone does, but never keen enough to get baptised. I was made an unbaptised publisher at the wise old age of 8 or 9.

  Although I have now (within the last 9-12 months) decided that there is no element of "Truth" in any of the WTBS teachings, I have still not technically left the Org. This has been the situation for sometime now. First, I started having questions about certain teachings (in particular the flood account and the "sin gene" teaching that they started using in the late 90's - which has now been reversed), but always thought that perhaps they got it a little wrong in areas, but the fundamentals were still right. Over the last year or so my feelings changed to"well if they got that wrong, how do I know the rest isn't wrong" and so it has gone from there.

  I still go to the occasional meeting and I even went in service recently for the first time in months. I have siblings and many friends who still attend. I know that my siblings will never shun me if I decided to leave completely and I'm sure that my parents would be upset, but as I'm not baptised I can't see how they could justify any shunning. If they did initially, I couldn't see it lasting any length of time.

  I have many friends in the Org and although I know that their friendship is conditional, I do not see this as their fault. They are only doing what the have been brought up to do. It is difficult not to if you've had these teachings drummed into you every day for 20 odd years and it's all you've ever known. I do genuinely like them, although I realise few will have any contact with me in the years to come. This is inevitable anyway even if I stay in the Org. My parents grew up with many friends, but only see half a dozen at the most now, and this is once a year or so. Once people get families and responsibilities, this happens I suppose. If I left the Org now, I would obviously not see many of my friends again staight away, so for me it's better to keep ticking along, doing what I want anyway and maintaining the staus quo. Some will think this is hipocritical, but it works for me! It can be quite fun trying to juggle a wordly life and a truth life. I know that sooner or later, I will have to make a decision either way (or I'll get caught with a girl or sometghing else!). I don't live in the family home and have moved about an hour and a half away from my old cong so it is easier to hide and not be noticed.

  I am basically doing as I please anyway, whilst maintaining a front to keep certain friends and family members happy. I can't see this charade lasting any great length of time (I think about a year tops) - the house of cards will fall sooner or later, but it suits me quite nicely as it is. The only thing that will end it is getting caught for something (not planning on that though) or meeting a really nice girl - only because it gives me a reason to leave that I think my parents will understand better. Better to leave for falling in love than leave as a known apostate!

  So to answer the questions:

  1.) How long did it take you to decide to leave the organization once you knew it was no longer the "truth" ?

  I've decided to leave but havent got a date yet. Been this way for about a year.
  
  2.) How much harder of an influence was it to weigh the decisions on leaving realizing you had family and friends in the organization ?

  Family and friends are the only reason fro me to stay, so that makes them a huge influence.
  
  3.) If you had to do everything all over again would you have done things differently or exactly the same ?

  I would probably have liked to have started this whole thing in my late teens and early 20s rather than now. I'm getting a bit old for the partying I do and it's getting time to settle down and be sensible. I suppose I'm making up for lost time still!

  I've just read this through and it makes me seem like a proper selfish bastard! Sorry it's a bit long.
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  Undecided

  I guess I was a little different, I still believed it but didn't want to waste my life here with all the load they put on me. I also had married a worldly woman who didn't believe the BS of the JWs but had her own BS which she didn't try to push on me. We both just let it go. She still believes in God and the bible but tolerates my disbelief. Religion is not the center of our lives. The kids and grandkids are our life along with just surviving each day.

  What few relatives were still in don't shun me after 30 years of leaving the borg. My brother was Df'ed along with his wife for a christmas infraction. She celebrated and he didn't stop her, so they both got dumped. We really enjoy being together now and both have seen the light(not the new light that is getting brighter) but the real light.

  Ken P.
• 

  Gill

  I had faded with my husband, but still thought it was 'da Troof', fool that I was. I had in fact taken the decision that I wouldn't go to meetings and just die with him!! What a fool I was! There I was thinking HE was the stupid one and the time it was ME!!

  Anyway, my mother told me one day not to check anything on the Internet about JWs and the ORg. So, I went home and even though we had been on line for a couple of years I had NEVER checked up on the JWs religion. Once I started, I was glued to the Internet for about three weeks!!

  My kids used to come home from work at midnight and find me still reading on line. My husband used to stand looking at me in despair as I stopped doing everything except the essential chores to 'learn ' the horrific truth about the Watchtower!

  All of our relatives, at the time were JWs on both sides of our family.

  We were going to lose the lot of them.

  I went round to my parents one day with a print out of the UN scandal letter and the UN's phone number and a list of other things I was about to beat them over the head with!!!

  That morning, they didn't know what hit them. I was so angry.

  They told me I had made myself an enemy of Jehovah and was a friend of Satan! I laughed so much they must have thought me insane!

  Anyway, I told them I loved them despite the fact that they were both 'stupid, brainwashed idiots!' (I always say it as it is or as I see it!)

  They said they would never shun me, and they never have!

  I then, a few weeks later started some kind of breakdown. My horizons had changed and I couldn't cope any more. I must have shook violently (inside) for nearly a year. I saw a counsellor over whom I cried buckets over all the 'friends' and relatives I would now lose.

  There was my final crossroads. I made the decision that I would never ever go back to that supid cult no matter what 'friends' or relatives I lost.

  It was very difficult, though easier for me because I had my husband and children with me.

  It was easier once I knew it was a stupid cult. But, I think if I would have had to go it alone, I don't for one moment know what I would have done, but certainly I would NEVER have been able to set foot in a KH ever again.

  If I had to do the same again? Absolutely yes! Whatever the consequences....I could never have lived a lie! I know it took time to recover, but I am a better, healthier, wealthier, stronger, more mature individual since I left JW crazy land.

  Life is good! I accept anything can happen and things go wrong and that accepted I would never want to live differently from how I live now.

  Also, it's fun helping, or trying to help others who want to leave. It's my penance for having gone round harrassing people in the past, trying to convert them to the 'lie'!!!
• 

  Woofer

  1. How long did it take you to leave once you knew it was no longer the truth?

  Even after I got d/f I still thought it was the "truth". I just couldn't take the rules and regulations that came along with being a Witness. I made a tragic mistake at 19 and got married to someone I knew that I shouldn't of married. I couldn't comprehend having to pay for a mistake for the rest of my life by staying with someone who was completely wrong for me. Also the attitude taken by the elders after learning of my molestation by my brother-in-law left me very bitter. They had a "just forget about it" mentality. Everytime I heard news accounts of wars or something like that I would think "well this is it - I'm gonna die". It wasn't until I did reasearch on the internet and found out what lies the JW's teach.

  2. How much harder knowing you had friends and family in the org did it make it?

  Being raised a dub I KNEW what was gonna happen to me. It was hard for me for a while, but I had to break free and live my own life. I think I prepared myself mentally for it before I actually left.

  3. Would you have done things differently?

  I think the only thing I would have done differently is I would have d/a myself instead of letting the elders d/f me. I wouldn't have given them that satisfaction of doing that to me. My sister d/a herself several years ago and my parents still talked to her, so I think if I d/a myself I would have still had my parents. For some reason they view d/f as so much worse.
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  jaguarbass

  1.) How long did it take you to decide to leave the organization
  once you knew it was no longer the "truth" ?
  
  2.) How much harder of an influence was it to weigh the decisions
  on leaving, realizing you had family and friends in the organization ?
  
  3.) If you had to do everything all over again would you have done
  things differently or exactly the same ?

  I was raised in the troof by my mother and my father allowed it because it gave him free time. He could go out on Friday nights without my mother and he had sundays to himself also. Back in the 60's we had Friday night meetings. I never really liked the troof but if it meant life or death I was going to choose life. From my earliest memories they were scaring me with armageddon. They had that pink paradise lost book and showed the people on the rock with the rain comming down either they were dying in the flood or armageddon to me they were both the same. The modern day ark was the Kingdom hall. As I grew older the society slipped up and set a date. It was my release date from their prison. 1975 over and over I would hear that just a little while longer. 1975 came and went and of course they started back peddaling. I was in my 20's now and was noticing the inconsistencys and that the light was not getting brighter and brighter but tha it was more like a flashing strobe light driving me mad when I looked into it. It was December in 1983 I mad my mind up I was never going back and I stopped going to meetings I told my wife I didnt want anything to do with the JW's anymore and I disfellowshipped them all family and friends.That was my reverse psychology. I didnt talk to them I didnt visit them. I didnt go to their parties. I didnt answer their phone calls or answer the door when they came. That was 1983 my wife left the watertower probably 1994 my brother sister and mother all ended up leaving. Father in law got disfelloshiped and never went back about 96. My wife came from a big Italian family so I still have a lot of inlaws still in the watertower. But I dont loose any sleep over them.
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  garybuss

  This matches my story pretty close. My ending is different.

  ADULT CHILDREN
  The Secrets of Dysfunctional Families John C. Friel, Linda D. Friel
  
  The Goose
  http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/6/55403/1.ashx
• 

  caligirl

  1.) How long did it take you to decide to leave the organization
  once you knew it was no longer the "truth" ?

  About 10 years - I was around 14 when I figured out that it all didn't add up. As soon as I no longer lived under my parent's roof (18 1/2) I started missing meetings as much as I could. Then I got pregnant and realized that it was time to get off the fence. There was no way that I was going to put my child through what I went through growing up.
  2.) How much harder of an influence was it to weigh the decisions
  on leaving, realizing you had family and friends in the organization ?

  No effect at all. I had already figured out that they were not my true friends, and I knew my parents would not end the relationship either.
  3.) If you had to do everything all over again would you have done
  things differently or exactly the same ?

  I would have wanted to have the courage to get out much faster than I did. 10 years is a long time to torture yourself sitting on the fence.,
• 

  OUTLAW

  Hey wanderer..I was about 15 or 16 when I started to question what I was told,I believed..I`m not someone who likes bullsh*t..I was out by 19..Just walked away..Made a new life..It was not easy...OUTLAW