I had faded with my husband, but still thought it was 'da Troof', fool that I was. I had in fact taken the decision that I wouldn't go to meetings and just die with him!! What a fool I was! There I was thinking HE was the stupid one and the time it was ME!!
Anyway, my mother told me one day not to check anything on the Internet about JWs and the ORg. So, I went home and even though we had been on line for a couple of years I had NEVER checked up on the JWs religion. Once I started, I was glued to the Internet for about three weeks!!
My kids used to come home from work at midnight and find me still reading on line. My husband used to stand looking at me in despair as I stopped doing everything except the essential chores to 'learn ' the horrific truth about the Watchtower!
All of our relatives, at the time were JWs on both sides of our family.
We were going to lose the lot of them.
I went round to my parents one day with a print out of the UN scandal letter and the UN's phone number and a list of other things I was about to beat them over the head with!!!
That morning, they didn't know what hit them. I was so angry.
They told me I had made myself an enemy of Jehovah and was a friend of Satan! I laughed so much they must have thought me insane!
Anyway, I told them I loved them despite the fact that they were both 'stupid, brainwashed idiots!' (I always say it as it is or as I see it!)
They said they would never shun me, and they never have!
I then, a few weeks later started some kind of breakdown. My horizons had changed and I couldn't cope any more. I must have shook violently (inside) for nearly a year. I saw a counsellor over whom I cried buckets over all the 'friends' and relatives I would now lose.
There was my final crossroads. I made the decision that I would never ever go back to that supid cult no matter what 'friends' or relatives I lost.
It was very difficult, though easier for me because I had my husband and children with me.
It was easier once I knew it was a stupid cult. But, I think if I would have had to go it alone, I don't for one moment know what I would have done, but certainly I would NEVER have been able to set foot in a KH ever again.
If I had to do the same again? Absolutely yes! Whatever the consequences....I could never have lived a lie! I know it took time to recover, but I am a better, healthier, wealthier, stronger, more mature individual since I left JW crazy land.
Life is good! I accept anything can happen and things go wrong and that accepted I would never want to live differently from how I live now.
Also, it's fun helping, or trying to help others who want to leave. It's my penance for having gone round harrassing people in the past, trying to convert them to the 'lie'!!!