I'm being hunted by an elder - would this work?

serendipity

This week Elder Z shows up at my house twice, unexpectedly. The first time I didn't see him, but my daughter did and didn't answer the door. The next time I decided not to answer the door since I didn't feel like talking to him. I don't really know him, and we've only spoken briefly at the KH a few times.

Now my daughter wants to go to the KH on Sunday. If we go, I was wondering if I should just approach Elder Z and ask him what he wanted from me.Would that be a mistake?

I don't want to hide and I don't want to live in uncertainty, wondering if there will be more visits or even wondering why (though I think it's because I've been inactive). I have a valid reason that I'd share with him for my inactivity and KH absence, but wouldn't share all the reasons since I'm not ready to leave.

All these years I would have welcomed a little attention, when I've been irregular and inactive. Then this year I just want to be left alone and now this elder shows up. Others on the board have posted about elders' visits, so it seems something's brewing.

exwitless

I say no-don't approach him or say anything about it. First of all, you would then be admitting that you knew he was there twice but you chose not to open your door. Also, you do not owe him or anyone else an excuse for being inactive. If he mentions anything to you, like the nauseating "We've missed you..." followed by a long pause waiting for you to explain your absence, just respond in turn "Yeah, I've missed you all too." (May not be sincere, but neither is their nosy "We've missed you" polite interrogation tactic.)

OnTheWayOut

If we go, I was wondering if I should just approach Elder Z and ask him what he wanted from me. Would that be a mistake?

Yes, that would be a mistake. You don't need to hide from now on, but you are not aware that he rang your bell. Let him approach you,

make your excuses, tell him what you want, but don't bring up the event. He will start to pry. Either that, or go all the way with the

line, "Sorry, I am really depressed. I just couldn't talk." That sets you up for further reduction of activity and you can always fall

back on your depression everytime you want to avoid the brothers.

serendipity

First of all, you would then be admitting that you knew he was there twice but you chose not to open your door.

If I wasn't at home the first time, I wouldn't be embarrassed to tell him.

exwitless

Serendipity-you're right about not being embarrassed. It wasn't clear from your first post that you weren't even home the first time. But anyway, I didn't mean to make it sound like "hiding" in your home is something to be ashamed of. On the contrary, I have been home many times and ignored the elders' knocks on the door. I feel that in my home, I am not obligated to answer the door or the phone just because someone decides to call or knock. If I don't feel like talking, I simply don't answer and I feel no guilt. It's quite liberating, actually. Good luck to you!

Thirdson

Did this elder turn up alone? If he did and you are a "sister" he is breaking the rules or at least the Society's guidelines. If he did, you have justification in not opening the door to him. Tell him if he calls again you'll complain about his conduct to the CO. Put him on the spot and on the defense.

3rd

daystar

Yes, God bless caller ID and peep holes.

I think you've gotten some good advice here serendipity. Let us know how it goes, k?

fullofdoubtnow

I wouldn't say anything unless he mentions it first, then you could ask him why he was calling alone, he knows he shouldn't be doing that. If he wants to call, you could tell him he must ring first to check if it's ok with you, and if it isn't, stay away.

OnTheWayOut

fullofdoubt above posted the best advice. I second that.

vitty

Now my daughter wants to go to the KH on Sunday

Can I ask how old your daughter is ? Why does she want to go ? And why are you considering taking her ?

I'm being hunted by an elder - would this work?

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