My heart felt numb as I read your conversation with Grandma. How painful - how terrifying to look at the future slate of your life without someone so important on it at all. I do hope that eventually reason will overpower her dreaded fear of displeasing her religion [whom she confuses with her God].
I am raising my grandkids. I cannot imagine anything they could do that would make me behave toward them with such animosity, yet I know that in my JW days I acted in ways that were not me, but the reflection of the religion that I accepted as absolute. Obviously your grandma is under the same spell we all were under - in some ways it impossible for those who have aged beyond a certain point to ever risk pulling back the curtain to see the 'truth of the truth'. To her - hateful rejection is tantamount to loving her God. By casting any doubt aside, she defends her investment of decades of life. I know - I pushed doubt outside for 4 decades - but it was still there, and one day your grandma's doubts may raise to a level that allows her to peak beyond the curtain.
I ache as I read your words - so many relationships of grandious importance are cast aside by those we love in favor of a religion that demands it. I hope something will open her eyes to that someday. I fear that the time for that may be somewhere quite distant, as time will tend to tell. RIght now she is wishing to 'shun you back to the flock' - but no matter what some say blood is thicker than water.
Good luck to you my friend - and thanx for writing this.
Jeff
