Did you block out your Witness life?

by achickwwit 21 Replies latest jw friends

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  achickwwit

  
  I stopped going to meetings at age 19 or 20. My brother had been DF'd. My sister and her new Bethalite husband had left the organization labeled as apostates, and my single mom followed suit. I was pretty much raised by the congregation, though I lived with my isolated mother. Eventually, I moved away from her, pretty much stopped talking to her and my sister, and tried to live a Witness life. Didn't work, and I finally stopped going to meetings when it no longer made sense to go.

  There was so much BAD associated with the Witnesses -- so many friends, aunts, uncles and cousins who left my family at the drop of a hat and who ultimately left me too -- that I have found that I've blocked out that life for over a decade now. Only recently have I started to appreciate the struggles I went through and deal with my weird relationship/trust issues.

  Anyway, I just joined this message board and am hoping it will be theraputic for me. My life is actually pretty fabulous now, even though I'm just starting this process of recalling everything I loved/hated about the first 20 years of my life. Just curious when/if any of you blocked it out for a while.
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  OpenFireGlass

  Hi.. & Welcome to JWD achickwwit...

  Yeah... for the first 10 years or so, I did my best to block it out... but of course circumstances led me here... JOY !...
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  zeroday

  I DA'ed myself just 2 years ago after 28 years on the inside. So for me I have not blocked it out yet, don't know if I ever will. It was so much of almost my entire adult life. I find myself sitting and thinking during the regular meeting nights seeing myself as I use to sit at the meetings. Picturing everyone I knew, exactly where they would sit at each meeting. Knowing the same ones that would comment, pass the mics, conduct the meetings. I drive by the KH weekly usually on sat mornings (KH only 2 miles from my home) and recognize the cars and sometimes people in the lot coming and going into the hall. I have a lot of letting go to do but it will take a while.
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  fullofdoubtnow

  Hi achickwit, and welcome to the board.

  I don't blame you for trying to block out your jw years, but I think you are doing the right thing trying to deal with it now. I da'd almost a year ago, and started to deal with my 25 years in the cult almost immediately. I feel doing that has helped me in the healing process, which everyone who has been part of that mean little cult has to go through at some point.

  I wish you well as you deal with your memories, and hope that we can help you here.

  Linda
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  greendawn

  Welcome to the forum, once you left the dubs you can return to a natural life. Of course their love is conditional they have zero tolerence for disagreement.
  
  I wonder how your mother let you be brought up by them.
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  The wanderer

  Till this day I feel very ashamed to admit that I too was one of Jehovah's Witnesses. The reason being is that individuals who know me consider me to be an intelligent person and for me to recall being associated wholesouled within in a cult, gets me nauseous.

  Respectfully,

  The Wanderer
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  Legolas

  Welcome to the board!
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  arwen

  Welcome to the board. I hope you can find the healing you need here. I know I am... I am glad you have found a good person to be with. My husband is a wonderful man..never a JW and has always supported me and my decisions. I try to forget things about my "other life" but a lot of the time it is there just looking over my shoulder...I am hoping to lose that someday....Take care..
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  loli

  Welcome! I have been away from the org for almost six years now. Some elelments I have consciously blocked out. Other things still plague me in my dream state. I will have dreams about judicial committee meetings, etc. Just learn to really live life by seeking happiness and accept yourself for who you are. Peace
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  achickwwit

  "Judicial committee meetings" -- see, this is interesting. I've literally erased certain terms and practices from my memory. It took some serious racking of my brain to recall what this even was, even though I was involved with a pretty serious one! In another thread, someone mentioned a presiding overseer -- this is something I haven't thought of even once in 10 years. My sister mentioned, um, yikes...I've forgotten the name of it...those plays that they would have at the district assemblies where people dressed up in Bible-times costumes...anyway, it was weird/funny/odd to hear that term again too.