I must have been really bad...or am completely on the "right path"

by Sparkplug 35 Replies latest jw friends

  • Sparkplug

    Have you heard the saying that if everything is going your way you must be going the wrong direction? Well I am going uphill bothways in the snow while wearing my one pair of dry pants lately.

    As if all of everything out of my control is not bad enough lately, today I got a call from my present job (another office) asking about me for a position I am trying to upgrade to...(or so I heard that this is how it came about). So almost a month after getting in trouble for that stupid email, I get called in and "oops they forgot to tell me that they will have to take my permisions to move to management away for 6 months.) Then I will have to be re-evaluated. So basically I cannot have the job or any that I have in for because I am on a probation for 6 months.

    I am not sure about you, but I feel if this was part of the punishment then I should have been told a month ago and seeing they forgot to..."tough titties".

    I am so pissed. I have had this (it is called a PIN) for about 6 years now. So 6 years down the tube for something that every person handing down this punishment (minus one) has told me openly that they would be fired if their emails were checked. But this comes from higher up so there is nothing that can be done. technically I should be fired. They are management so they are not checked like us reps. So I just got my access revoked. A month after the appropriate punishment was handed down. There is nothing I can do about it.

    Then I called to see if I could get my camera in the show tonight. They said yes then sent a stern email saying no from the host of the show. So I leave it at home. So how come I get in and everyone has a camera? Even grandma has a camera. I got nothing.

    Then I bought a ticket to a very small show and they changed locations on us at the last moment. The people that had seats before this get reserved up close seating. I ended up third row in a pretty nice seat reserved..

    So how come seeing it is so close and any movement is painfully loud and obtrusive on the show. At intermision I was like 1 minute late from the RestRoom. I go to sit in my seat and there sits a (no joke) 7 foot man at least and this tiny little blond. I stop and stare at them for a second and it is painfully obvious they are in my seats...The music starts and they won't move. To make a fuss would have interupted what was an absolutely wonderful show. Fortunately there were two seats right behind ours and for quiets sake I sat there. But this MF'er is 7 foot tall and I cant see and his gal is just talk talk talking all the way through the preformance. So I move way to the left giving me lousy seating. Finally pisssed off and feeling a bit like putting my foot through this mans chair, I tell him. And he looks at me and at how I am just one row away and I can see it is crazy to move for we already have a scene going. So he buys us a drink and we skip it. BUT the row I sat on had about 5 drunk ladies that had to pee every few moments and I have never seen anything like this. They talked nonstop as if they were in a bar just as loud as can be through the most of the second half.

    So my friend tells them to shush and they do, but one keeps glaring at me. So I tell her thank you for shutting up. Well she must have thought I said F** You..., and it was on. Her friends trying to keep her seated and I was praying for her to start something or swing about then. She backed off, but started in afterwards. I blew her off, but I really thought I was going to have to fight 5 drunk "Plano looking women tonight."

    I keep thinking something will give. This was to be a relaxing night and sleep in as late as I want tomorrow. But my son just walked in and springs it on me that he has band at 6. AM. So basically that plan is Shot 2 S***.

    I keep thinking that either I am paying a whole freaking armies kharma...or I am really on the right track. I would like to think the right track.

    but......at the same time.............

    I just want to cry. I try so hard to just be a plain good person and I swear it is taken advantage of at every turn. So does this mean you have to compromise what you feel to be the correct way to handle things in order to just not get stomped into a mudhole? I swear I am rapidly turning into an asshole. Very bitter and fighting not to give into it right now.

  • Sparkplug

    This is not a pity party...really. I would like for all the people who have turned hard out there to define if there was a string of somethings or just one something that really changed you. Were you a nice person and now you have turned into a horses ass?

  • Arthur
    I try so hard to just be a plain good person and I swear it is taken advantage of at every turn. So does this mean you have to compromise what you feel to be the correct way to handle things in order to just not get stomped into a mudhole? I swear I am rapidly turning into an asshole. Very bitter and fighting not to give into it right now.

    Life seems really "streaky" sometimes doesn't it? There are long good streaks, and sometimes long bad ones. ( at least this is my experience )

    I'm not sure what to say, as I'm sure there's a whole host of cliches that I could post here such as "the tough times make us stronger", and other one-liners. It seems as though these phrases aren't very comforting much of the time.

    But, take it from me; someone who has experienced some really hellish "bad luck" over the last several years. So many times, when things have not gone my way, I have looked back years later and seen that those events really did go my way - in the long term. I can look back on events and see that if they had gone the way I wanted them to at the time, I would be very unhappy with the situation now. This includes jobs. I have had some really "bad" twists of fate happen. It's funny though. These events have changed my life course where I have ended up in circumstances that allowed me to meet people who are today my closest and most cherished friends. Today, I feel so blessed to have these people in my life.

    But, I totally understand how it feels to have this kind of stuff happen. In the present moment, it can really hurt; and sometimes we just don't feel like people telling us stuff like: "chin up". You know what has helped me? Journaling. Just writing about all of the feelings and thoughts involved can give us some major insights and observations. It's amazing how puting thoughts and feelings onto paper can have a transformative effect upon our current emotions, as well as giving us valuable lessons for the future.

    Sometimes, in the present moments, we can't see the forrest through the trees. (another cliche, sorry) We never know if years later, we will look back on an event and see that it really was a good thing in the long term.

    However, if we allow life's bumps, and unfairness to make us bitter, or to rob us of our empathy and compassion; we always lose.

  • HadEnuf

    My dear SparkP...you know some times life just sucks. You seem to be getting a huge dose of suckiness. But I truly believe that in time things even out and your life will unsuck itself and you'll get that job and be sitting in the front row with your camera at every show! Yeah. That's gonna happen.

    Big hug and much sympathy...cathy l.

  • cruzanheart

    Well, dear Decki, I am so sorry life's handing you a cartload of sh** right now. I wish I could make it better for you! My solution would be a hot bath, an iced tea glass full of gin & tonic, and NO INTERRUPTIONS for about half an hour. Yeah, I've had days, weeks and months like that, most notably when my parents were still alive and wreaking havoc at every turn. Dad's sudden decisions regarding Mom or his "heart attacks" (actually anxiety attacks) or Jackson's really really bad asthma got me in trouble at work more than once. I worked for a couple of bullies and they complained about my work attendance, even though I was a very senior employee who actually had the time coming to me. However, I stuck it out until it became clear that I needed to leave or I was going to get fired for some trumped-up reason, and I ended up finding a wonderful job that is allowing me to really grow. Of course, there are days like the one noted below:

    This week it was trying to be office manager in Dallas AND Austin, so Tuesday I took the 6:30 a.m. flight to Austin to [seriously] MOVE A FILE CABINET FROM THE 9TH FLOOR TO THE 8TH FLOOR. I kid you not, there wasn't one person in that gossipy, whiny, back-stabbing office that I could ask to do it who wouldn't either f*** it up, injure themselves, or complain it wasn't their job. I am so proud of my Dallas office -- we have great people who just do what needs to be done, no matter what it is. After that, I loaded a supposedly portable convention booth (two heavy canisters and a few other bits & pieces) into my rented SUV and drove it to the Houston office. The convention at which we are exhibiting is next month. Then I flew home from Houston.

    So if you will excuse me, I'm going to go fix my OWN tumbler of gin & tonic and chill out!

    Lots of hugs,


  • KW13

    sorry things are so rough of late.

  • Sparkplug

    Nina, Mumsey, Art and KW. Thank you. It did not get any better today and I actually don't even have the fight to talk about it. So I am taking Nina's advice and am at least having a drink while I sit here and work. I will rest in a hot tub later.

    I really appreciate the concern for I am majorly bummed and not over stupid stuff like people at a concert.

    Funny thing is that there are so many good things happening to me right now. Big Good Things...It is just I think I am so worn down that the bad keeps outweighing them. So to block it all out...I sit down to work. As I edit photos. when the Adobe gets stuck I hop over here and post. So here it is...Take a sip, Edit, post. Take a sip Edit Post. I think I just grounded my children for a WHOLE month for the first time in their lives. Yeah it was bad. They have two billboards worth of chores and my (twice my strength) son pushed me way too far today.


    Nothing very good or very bad,lasts very long..Unless your robbed and left for dead in the wilderness..Took me friggin months to get back to civilization...OUTLAW

  • Sparkplug
    Nothing very good or very bad,lasts very long..Unless your robbed and left for dead in the wilderness..Took me friggin months to get back to civilization...OUTLAW

    Please Do tell! this sounds interesting...

  • KW13

    things do get rough, but they will get better.

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